Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

[Blyther]

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

Does he have some developmental or physiological issues?

No, this is entirely inaccurate

Of course he can. If it was his bosses name at work do you think he still wouldn't be able to say it?

He’s neurodivergent

Is he eight? He's putting this on.

I want to know what it is now. If it’s that bad I think you will get a different response to those you have so far op.

He’s not

It is outrageous- obviously too outing to tell though

I was just about to ask this.

I’m sorry OP, am so busy trying to conceive of a possible name which shortens to a swear word I can’t focus on the advice.

Shaggy Bear?

That’s not too far from it be honest 🤣🤣

What a shame. Definitely not surprised - how thought that would be the answer. So sorry OP, you can only do your best by your kids and hope they choose well. Sounds like he’s picked a right one there 🙄🙄🙄

I mean his grandchild you muppet

Is he planning to tell his grandchild he thinks their name is laughable? Because that this where this will end.

He’s not 8 years old OP. It sounds like you are entirely under his thumb. Stop indulging him.

If you think this is the reason - which I'm not sure you actually do given your OP is so judgemental about the name choice - then the way to deal with it would be to say 'I can't say it because I'm ND' rather than all the stuff about why the name itself is the issue.

Daft double name which shortens to a swear word. Like Misty-Bridge? Can we guess?

I'm going with Country-Road.

Would he be able to keep his feelings under control if it were a friend or colleague’s baby?

Does he feel that expressing his feelings on name is more important than a relationship with his son and grandson. Especially as you say his son goes along with his partner’s wishes.

No, he is completely under the thumb and goes along with whatever she wants- I think he’s a bit scared of her, she has outbursts and is easily angered

All the more reason not to cause a rift with the parents over a choice of name.

You need to keep your son and grandson close.

I'm sympathetic in the sense that whilst I acknowledge a parents right to choose a name for their child I think many selecting "out there" names fail to consider how their child may feel about being called such a name when they become aware that it's super unusual.

That said your husband needs to grow up. The child has been named. It's done.

Refusing to use the name is likely to cause offence and a reason to exclude both him and you from your grandchild's life.

He needs to think carefully about what's a stake here and pick his battles.

I understand he feels uncomfortable but he really will get used to it eventually. I work in a multi cultural school and even after many years, I still come across names I've never heard before. Once you know the child the name just becomes part of who they are.

Do either of you care if you ever have a relationship with your grandchild? Tell yourselves it is another language that just sounds odd in English

It sounds like the OP did.

Whatever the OP’s DIL is like, she isn’t the only tricky member of the OP’s family.

I disagree with the PPs. If he doesn't want to say it he shouldn't have to force himself to use it. He's entitled to his opinion. Can he find a nice nickname for the child to use instead? Lots of grandparents have nicknames for their grandchildren.

No one is entitled to rename another person.

He's entitled to his opinion, but renaming people is unacceptable without their agreement.

Shaggy-Doo

I strongly disagree but then I'm from an immigrant background so I know how annoying it is to be given a nickname by people who can't be bothered to say your name properly

My sisters in laws refused to use my nephews name, a perfectly normal one for our culture, because it was "too wierd" and tried to call him a nickname instead. He hates the nickname, probably because over the years he's picked up the attitude that has come with it, of not being "quite right" enough for them

Whilst this is a different senario it could easily breed the same resentment.

Does he see a counsellor to help him deal with every day situations?

he needs a coping mechanism - this is situation most adults could cope with. You aren’t helping with your nasty and judgemental attitude.

if he can’t say his own grandchild name and if you dislike the baby’s mother so much maybe it’s best you keep your distance? You haven’t said one nice thing about this family - so why do you care? You will draft a paper with this attitude anyways. Spare everyone the heartache.