Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

[Blyther]

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

Agree with PPs that he needs to get over this - but it shouldn't have to be that big a deal. (Except when you sing Happy Birthday......😂)!
Otherwise can't he just call him pumpkin or poppet or something to his face? And if he's referring to him in the third party, just say - 'pass me my gorgeous grandson for a cuddle'?

Do you often indulge your husband with his selfish behaviour? He is being ridiculous and making this about him as well as being completely disrespectful to his grandchild. Is he going to look him in the face one day and say 'sorry I think your name is stupid.' It's his name!

He needs to get a grip and you need to stop indulging him. You are making it worse by suggesting he is going to get bullied. No he's not. It's 2023. Young people are changing their names to wacky words all the time. I think people with names like John or Laura should be embarrassed that their parents were complete fucking dullards who constantly worried about what people would think.

This is your husband's problem completely.

Your child has a whacky name don’t they? Hit a nerve hasn’t it? 😂

I know the equivalent of a Faye who changed her name to Fairy, a woman who goes by an equivalent of ‘carebears’ and a woman who goes a name in the same vain as ‘Tony-the-Pony’.

All adults who adopted these names by choice and like them.

I’ve also met a Chris Cross (chose to take Cross as a married name) and an A. Pratt who was happy with his name.

Names can be all sorts of weird and wonderful, or stupid or ugly but it isn’t up to other people to change them!

He's a grown man who can't control himself - really?

Come on, OP stop making excuses for your DH. He is acting like a twat and even if you are too nice to tell him so, you do not have to indulge him by agreeing to blame your DIL.

He says he can’t say it and keep a straight face which obviously is not going to go down well. He says he can’t say it out loud without laughing. He’s not very good at hiding his feelings.

OP, if your husband is unable to use the baby's name without laughing (which makes him sound rather unpleasant, by the way), then surely he can just use a nickname or a term of endearment instead.

Not Teddy Bear. If it's shortened, it sounds like a rude word. Kunte-Kinte is q possibility. It maybe:

Louis-Ocean (Loo)

Arsenal-Aardvark (Arse)

Button-Jenson (Butt)

Dickie-Beau (Dick)

Peace-River (Piss)

Farquhar-Frog (Farq)

If ops husband is Autistic he could very well have trouble controlling his facial expressions and the laugh.
I quite often have the response of laughter when it's socially inappropriate, it's not something I can control very well without warning or preparation unfortunately.

I think this is his problem too!

I can only suggest that he tries to say the name when hes alone with the child, as a kind of pressure free practice run. Like really look the little one in the eyes and recognise that he can't laugh 'at' him, and just whisper an endearment, o rhave a private conversation with him like "Hi little Shaggy Bear. I'm your grandad and I love you very much. You might face a fair bit of teasing in the future, but I'm going to have you back all the way...." etc etc. That might just break down the mental block he has at the moment.

Absolute gold!

I’m sure I’m not the only only person on this thread who thinks your husband’s nickname should be “arsehole.”
And that the only cringe one here is you for tolerating and even encouraging his behaviour.

Your only job is to be loving and supportive parents and grandparents.
If you can’t manage that, resign and let grownups step in and do the job.
Christ almighty this is pathetic.

I like this idea, I think it would absolutely help him, no pressure if it's just him and his grandson.

He’s being ridiculous. He is simply going to HAVE to get used to it. Also why am I not surprised at your update that your daughter in law is awful and bullies your poor passive son 🙄

I need to know if Farquhar-Frog is actually taken?

It can be my back up name should I ever fall pregnant again.

It’s Kunta Kinte, pronounced Koontah Kintay.

Your husband will just have to say the name and be happy to laugh. Could he transform his laugh into a jolly attitude to the grandson? And add additional words, such as - jolly little chappy - after the name.

It sounds like getting the parents used to a chuckle about the name is preparing them all for real life actually.
He doesn't mean anything nasty so go with the laugh.

Great idea!

This whole "the child will be bullied" thing. What kind of children are ye raising if you immediately assume a child will get bullied over their name? When a child starts school, chances are it's their first time hearing every name, be it Mary or Tony or Tom or Princess Consuela Banana Hammock! They aren't going to hear a name and automatically go "HAAAA that's a weird name that nobody else has" and berate the child for it!

Anyway I think YABU for 1. Thinking your son had no say! It may not have been a 50/50 choice but you are suggesting it was 100% her and he just went along with it.... Anyone in their right mind wouldn't allow their child be called a name they hated so stop blaming the DIL!
And 2. For entertaining your DH. The only way he will stop laughing when he says it is to use it. Avoiding using it is just building it all up in his head.
And 3. For not telling us the name 😜

Just pick a name in some way related to the child's actual name and use that until he gets over himself and can call the child by their actual name.

😂 one of these examples is exceptionally close!

Names grow on you! When my grandson was born and I was told, what his name would be, I just didn’t like it! It was a little unusual. I never said anything to my son or daughter in law. But now I do like it, after time it grew on me and suits my wonderful grandson very well.
it was their choice and I respected that.

I am assuming a 'New Age' vibe so

Peace-Something (so potentially sounds like piss)

Sticking with this theory...

Your H is going to have to grow up and either use the name or find a moniker that's close enough 'Peacey' or whatever to show that he is acknowledging the name. Yes it sounds like a ridiculous name but you know you are being snooty about it deep down. Suck it up, be gracious and get on with being the best grandparents and ILs you can be.

The thing is the child’s name isn’t going to change. It may get abbreviated.

But at the end of the day you’re all going to have to accept it, like it or not. So either your DH gets on board or you risk a family rift over a name. How utterly ridiculous would that be hey?

Is the DiL a Friends fan?

Is it Crap-Bag?

@LuluBlakey1

sadly neither Grandad us with us anymore, nor my Dad. But I love going up north and being called 'pet' again! It always makes me feel warm & comforted.