To be heartbroken one DC completely blanks my other DC?

[Tinwoodswoman]

I have two adult DC one has so much, ie big house on the coast, 3 kids, loving husband, plays golf etc, the other younger one, alone and hard working. Older DC treats younger DC like a stranger and with undeserved contempt most of the time. No conversation, grudging and late birthday and Christmas presents, almost as if they aren’t there. I am so sad about this. I am a young(ish) widow and am seriously considering leaving the bulk of my money to younger DC due to the mean attitude of older DC. AIBU?

Did they get on when they were younger? Do they have much in common?

Does the younger one want more of a relationship?

Have you spoken to older DC to see why this is and if you can get him to fix it?

That’s really sad. How old are they and does young DC live with you? How often do you get together with older DC ? Do his kids have any relationship with their uncle/Aunty?

My sister and I are like this unfortunately. Just make sure you’ve all the facts established before you do any uneven splitting. Why does the eldest feel like this? Have you had it out before?

Does the younger one initiate contact, send presents, etc?

Well I'd probably have a chat with them before I picked a favourite 😏

So they don't get on, it's a shame but I couldn't treat my children differently because of that

Younger one a boy?

You'll probably never find out the truth as to why. I think you should leave them to it.

I don't keep in touch with my sister. We see each other at family things but she's not someone I would be friends with. She's not horrible, we just have nothing in common and our lives are very different. You can't force your adult children to spend time together

Have you always favoured one over the other? Have they been close as children?

One of them having "so much" - then you've listed regular things, like a home, kids and a hobby - but you've classified the younger as "hardworking" and "alone". Just reading it without knowing anything else this sounds just like a mum who favours the younger sibling.

They don't have to be friends or friendly, they're family but there's no obligation to be besties. Leave whatever you want to whom ever you want, but be aware when you're gone that'll be the end to their relationship if they've even got one.

I think you need to speak to them separately about this. Sometimes it’s just what happens in families. My kids were so close but have grown apart in the teenage years. I know they still love each other and no falling out - largely driven by DD who is so quiet even with own family and lives in her room, DS now at Uni. I hope as she gets older they become close again. My brother and I have never been close, but we have never hated each other and are a little closer as we age, maybe as I understand he’s so different to me a bit like my kids are so different. But the distance means we don’t see much of each other but I hope in the future when I move back that way that we become closer

YABU. Their relationship is not your issue, just make sure yours with them both individually is strong.

Not enough info, really.

tbh I’d give the younger one some regular cash whilst you're alive if you want to help them out. Then divide remaining assets 50:50 in Will. But without knowing the elder one’s motivation it is hard to say.

I don't have a relationship with my sibling, and I know it upsets my mum, but it is what it is. We are very different people and they're just not someone that I would ever choose to spend time with.

Unless they've told you then don't assume you know why

If you really want to ensure they don't get on, by all means favour one of them in your will.

I am a young(ish) widow and am seriously considering leaving the bulk of my money to younger DC due to the mean attitude of older DC. AIBU

Thatll certainly do nothing to mend their relationship.

Sometimes siblings just don't get on. Their relationship though shouldn't impact your relationship with either of them. Treat them the same. Its their argument - don't get involved

My sister is utterly toxic, but our Mum just doesn't see it. I don't have anything to do with her through choice, especially after our Dad died this year and she was a complete nightmare.

There's a reason that they don't get on, so you either accept it and treat equally; or you probe into why but you may not like the answer if you get it.

Is the eldest female and the youngest male? What's the age difference?

This.

Don't be fucking around in the will and turn an already strained relationship into absolute enmity.

It's a great way to have whatver bequests you leave eaten up in legal fees .

Is this a tell me which child is your favourite without telling me, kinda posts.

What’s the age gap? Same parents? How much of a favourite is the youngest?

Sometimes siblings just aren't close - it can't be forced, and it only concerns them.

My older sister does and always has treated me like shit. I don't know why.

I wish my mum would address it as you have

You are entitled to leave your money to whomever you please. What is your relationship like with your children individually?

You want your mother to punish your sister by favouring you. Can you see why being the sort of person who thinks this is appropriate might go some way towards explaining your sister’s attitude in the first place?