Why do you allow your boys to fight/roughhouse

[Pooooochi]

DS is 7. I've recently noticed after school, at parties etc that most of the parents of his classmates smile & allow boys to be always punching at each other, wrestling.

If you let your kids fight, why do you?

We've always been absolutely zero tolerance on this sort of aggressive behaviour so DS just doesn't do it at all now - to the extent other adults have commented.

However, it seems like socially it means his peers sometimes push him around, they know he wont fight back. I find this sad. Why don't want a world full of aggressive men who jump at a fight any chance they get, so why do we allow it in little boys

3 boys here, we have never allowed roughhousing or fighting or wrestling at all.
They do loads of sport though, they do bicker, but never physically.

Wee boys love to chase, tig and roughhouse. It’s just part of who they are. Your kids been turned into a wimp by you and will be an easy target for bullies now. You need to get a grip!

Not all young boys do. Our DS is autistic and detests anything like that. Maybe you should teach your boys to not act in that way I'd imagine they'll be the bullies.----

Mine used to play fight. Emphasis on the word "play". They were able to understand the difference between being aggressive and just play fighting. Actual aggression was not tolerated. They are well adjusted non-aggressive adult men now.

Well that’s a load of bollocks! My now grown up sons weren’t allowed to physically fight anyone. They are certainly not ‘wimps’ and weren’t bullied! It isn’t and has never been part of who they are.

What about girls?

I have 3 sons and I tolerated it to an extent. I'd warn them that it will end in tears, and then tell them off when it did. But they mostly outgrew it by the time they were big enough to inflict real pain.

I consider it natural behaviour for boys and not actually toxic masculinity. Men learn to manage their aggression and, unless there's an adult male modelling violence for them, grow up to understand that you can't actually go through life resolving conflict physically.

The heavy work of wrestling can be really beneficial to young children. I look let my DD and DS wrestle or roughhouse safely. We don't allow hitting or kicking, and safety and consent are treated as massively important. DS in particular really benefits from any kind of heavy work and we go out of our way to provide it.

My DS doesn’t roughhouse not because I don’t let him, it’s just not something he feels the need to do. However my DD is very much into it. She’s just very physical and needs to release pent up energy (yes, she does plenty of sports too) It’s normally with her father. I’m sure I read an article somewhere that said it was good for girls to rough house with their fathers. Her brother isn’t interested. Is that ok? Are girls allowed to rough house?

I never allowed it. Why would you? I don't understand it either OP. Even play fighting usually ends up with someone being hurt.

I work in a school and we had a horrific reception intake one year when 80% of the boys were just fighting all the time. They didn't seem to know how to play without doing so.

My two have always done this and they have lots of fun. No punching or kicking etc and know to stop before anyone gets injured but they're both in secondary school and neither push people around or have got into a fight, they just enjoy it together. I used to love doing the same with my older brother and neither of us has ever got into a fight either, nor are we aggressive people.

My ds and his mates do tbf. He won’t with girls apart from his sisters. But he has sisters who either aren’t interested or the older one who actually fights quite dirty! So he doesn’t really do anything at home.

I would say social class plays a big part in boys who are allowed or "encouraged" to do this.

Research the benefits of play fighting. It’s actually very beneficial for children.

It’s the old boys will be boys bollocks that then causes huge issues in society going forward.

This is an unpopular opinion, but I do believe that parents of boys have a lot to answer for in terms of propping up the patriarchy (as @AthenaPopodopolous has demonstrated). There’s a lot of ‘boys will be boys’ indulgence that goes on.

If you watch young animals play its the same rough and tumble, maybe their parents are totally incompetent as well OP and should also be shamed.

My boys love to roll around and wrestle. Not to the point of hurting each other.

I gave 3 boys and thankfully they never wanted to play fight - I wouldn’t have allowed it anyway 🤷‍♀️I find it weird that some parents insist it’s part of bringing up boys!! Let them do sports instead, that channels their physical energy in a much more positive way.
Who thinks encouraging physical aggression is a good thing?!

Hmm. Not sure whether I allow this or not. DD and DS will roll around wrestling with each other, sometimes with DH. Is that what you mean? It’s not something I’ve ever really seen DS do with his friends though. Plays a lot of football and rugby though so maybe he gets it out that way!

Do elaborate....

*they do it with their sisters too, although they lose interest when older

I used to play fight with my brother and sister. I don’t think it’s exclusive to boys.

If you genuinely mean play fighting rather than physical violence when they’re angry/ upset then I think it’s a really healthy outlet. My two sons - and their sister - love rough, wild play. We always say they have to check the other person is as up for it as they are & stop as soon as someone stops enjoying it. It’s physically good for them, in terms of their fitness, but it’s also understanding their own body& it’s emotionally good for them too - it teaches them impulse control & about their own & other peoples boundaries, they’re tactile, physical creatures - much more so than adults. I think the benefits are pretty well researched, to be honest.

Playfighting is fine as long as children are taught only to do it with other children who want to.

My boys don't roughhouse (often), but they are being raised by a single mother, so I've never wrestled or done the whole play fighting thing that I've seen some dads do with their boys. They do have lots of energy though and I think it has to come out some way. For some, that's roughhousing, for mine it's jumping all over the furniture because the floor is lava.