Why do you allow your boys to fight/roughhouse

[Pooooochi]

DS is 7. I've recently noticed after school, at parties etc that most of the parents of his classmates smile & allow boys to be always punching at each other, wrestling.

If you let your kids fight, why do you?

We've always been absolutely zero tolerance on this sort of aggressive behaviour so DS just doesn't do it at all now - to the extent other adults have commented.

However, it seems like socially it means his peers sometimes push him around, they know he wont fight back. I find this sad. Why don't want a world full of aggressive men who jump at a fight any chance they get, so why do we allow it in little boys

Mine used to have play battles, sometimes with swords they made and sometimes with (invisible!) guns. Never inside though, always in the field around the house, or playing pirates in their (beached) boat. They certainly argued inside the house, but it never got physical because they knew that wouldn't end well for them (and they were almost never inside anyway!).

ETA: The guns were invisible because I got fed up of gathering up lost nerf darts, not because I was precious about guns!

No, and I cannot understand people who do.

My dc's play together 24/7 but if they start getting rough or physical I put a stop to it. One of them is bound to end up in tears and I just don't want them thinking that it is an appropriate way to play with each other or friends.

Both of mine (one girl and one boy) were pretty horrified when they got to school and saw kids kicking, hitting and jumping on each other and calling it "play fighting". They quickly learned to steer well clear of those kids.

Snob alert????

Mine were the same.
Decent and well balanced men now.

My kids used to play fight all the time. Now DD is a teen she doesn’t tend to as much anymore, but DS still play fights with cousins/friends who also want to. Likewise, he plays calmer, gentler games with cousins/friends who don’t like play fighting. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Sounds judgy to me.

I play rough with DS. I play rough with my DNs as well. Lots of cuddling, being sat on, a monster that chases them etc etc. It's fun. We don't use violence. We always stop when someone asks.

Hmm I have girls but my nephew was here today and he's the same age as my youngest. They were pretending 2 rolls of wrapping paper were light sabers and were play fighting. Is that the type of thing you mean? Is this not allowed now?

God my brothers used to do wrestling moves and all sorts with each other and with my sister and I. We're normal now though!

We did grow up working class though. Must explain it eh @Flapjacker48

“It seems like socially it means his peers sometimes push him around, they know he wont fight back. I find this sad.”

You have set up your son for a school career of being bullied because you’ve stopped him learning the skills to handle himself. Horrific.

Roughhousing is good for kids and I actively encourage it!

My son was never into any of that and I wouldn't have tolerated it either. My son always stayed well clear of boys who were like this.

Look at young animals. (Some) children need that kind of physical play, and not just boys either!

In fact, play fighting and wrestling with me (single mum) is where I teach my son boundaries and consent, stop means stop etc.

Absolutely. I see this a lot with my DD’s friends who are now 8 and 9 year old boys and have turned from lovely little toddlers to rough, rude entitled little shits. Mummy stands next to them smiling nicely. I have a younger boy too and we absolutely do not tolerate this sort of behaviour.

I play rough with DS. I play rough with my DNs as well. Lots of cuddling, being sat on, a monster that chases them etc etc. It's fun. We don't use violence. We always stop when someone asks
Same here.My DC enjoy physical play. They know about boundaries and respecting that everyone plays differently.

I'd be furious if I ever heard that they were bullying anyone for not wanting to join in physical play and I'd not want them to be friends with children who think it's acceptable to brand others wimps for having different play preferences.

I think physical play is different to what the OP describes as allowing boys to punch each other and fight. The latter is problematic to me because it seems to go beyond the physical benefits of rough play and strays into boys will be boys' territory.

Mine do a lot at home, but they also hug each other constantly and DS1 likes to carry DS2 about. They like to pretend to be fighting dinosaurs when they wrestle. They are both very sensory seeking.

I talk to DS1 about asking/consent a lot as his overenthusiastic hugs are all knees/elbows/general crushing.

Both are well behaved at nursery/school though.

I do agree with you @GreenAppleCrumble
All the "boys will be boys" is a lot of BS and explains why men get away with anything. I find that expression such a nonsense, and therefore my user name.
I have 2 girls and a boy now mainly teens and from the very start I made the conscious decision to allow the same stuff to be equal for everyone. So no toys for girls and toys for boys, no allowances for boys and not for girls, freedom to pick activities etc.
Rough play was never allowed at home, full stop.
My son is now in his early teens and he is gentle, lovely, has a great sense of humour our, and he is popular, he has lots of friends. And so far he is not moody or angry etc. He doesn't display what is considered "typical male teenage" behaviour. Maybe because he was encouraged to speak and not to fight, (same as the girls) now he is able to put in words what is happening to him.
I don't feel that's the way boys are generally raised. Sadly.

I have two brothers and we used to thump each other as required. I actually think it is a useful social skill, and a child who never has the opportunity to scrap in a safe environment with safe people will then be at a disadvantage in the wider world. We are all highly evolved individuals now .

However there is a time and a place and brawling all over the park or on the bus is not ok.

Nope, two boys here, now grown men. Never did play fighting just taught them to respect each other and other people’s personal space. Sporty, brave, popular and never took any crap. Never been in fights.

I just don’t get the need to be physical in any circumstances and I don’t think it’s ‘fun’.

Wrestling, rolling around like lion cubs- fine and I have read that it's actually quite good idea to let them do it.

Hitting- not ok.

If I'd only had girls I would have not understood the difference tbh.

It’s not aggressive, it’s playing. Why do you think sports like rugby were invented? They crave that physical contact.

Mine do it to each other but certainly not with my permission, it’s incredibly difficult to stamp it out altogether at home. They don’t do it to other children though, but I know plenty of the kind of parents you are describing and it also pisses me off that they stand back and do nothing.

to be clear, I’m talking about wrestling/ rough housing. Punching, hitting etc is different and not ok in my book.

Whereas yours may well turn into thugs.

I (female) rough house with my daughter. She enjoys it and she initiates it. I encourage it. She does have a dad and brother in the house as well which may impact her desire to participate. But it's definitely not a "boys" thing in our house.

Sort of agree with this, I've noticed the parents I'd assume wouldn't allow this at all are always the worst for just totally ignoring playfighting getting a bit too much. Usually too busy discussing their next safari to notice their kid pummelling another into the ground.