Why do you allow your boys to fight/roughhouse

[Pooooochi]

DS is 7. I've recently noticed after school, at parties etc that most of the parents of his classmates smile & allow boys to be always punching at each other, wrestling.

If you let your kids fight, why do you?

We've always been absolutely zero tolerance on this sort of aggressive behaviour so DS just doesn't do it at all now - to the extent other adults have commented.

However, it seems like socially it means his peers sometimes push him around, they know he wont fight back. I find this sad. Why don't want a world full of aggressive men who jump at a fight any chance they get, so why do we allow it in little boys

I'm constantly telling mine to stop, they roll their eyes at me and say I don't understand brothers, they're not fighting, blah blah. They def are drawn to touch each other a lot, mine are 12 10 and nearly 5 and all love play fighting and rough housing. I always did and do physical play too, hang them upside down, catch them, tickle them to the floor etc. Still do 😆

To be clear.

My DS is not afraid of these kids. He is taller than them and just as capable, physically. Why should he put up with kids pushing him around just because he knows better than to knock them sideways in return?

My guess is that a fair few posters on here who think this is acceptable, 'boys being boys and some who actively encourage it are the first to comment on male aggression and violence.

Both my boys did a lot of play fighting/ wrestling at home with each other (there are a few years between them) and with their dad. My youngest is 13 and still likes a wrestle with his dad! However, they didn't do this at school or with their friends. I think it's healthy in certain situations, with clear boundaries and someone in control.
Lots of my youngest DS's friends had parents who would not allow any sort of behaviour like this or any toys that promoted this play. They were the ones who got obsessed with this kind of behaviour at parties and get together and didn't know how to control themselves.

I always did and do physical play too, hang them upside down, catch them, tickle them to the floor etc.

Yep we did this (i can't lift him upside now, too heavy!). That's play. We don't allow punching and kicking and fighting.

@Pooooochi

you may not say playfighting, but your title says “roughhousing” which is playfighting…🤦🏻‍♀️

I think there are 2 types.
The feral ones the op speaks of, and normal play that some do more roughly than others. The difference is whether the parent allows anyone to get hurt on purpose maybe.

Probably those ones get hit by their parents as a punishment not rough housing like riding on the back or surfing on your feet.

The Oxford dictionary definition if roughhousing is

"act in a boisterous, violent manner"

Yes but that's for adults like in a brawl. The secondary meaning in a parenting context is being physical with your child usually playing.

Well,.. at this point, because they are both much bigger than me

When they were little, Because I enjoyed wrestling myself as a child so I get why they want to do it. Because mostly it's fun not vicious. Because when it ends badly they both learn about the limits of fun but rough play and how to make amends. They learn to handle physical conflict. They giggle constantly thru the event & both want to do it again soon.

The girl initiated as much as the boys. She loved Judo for learning to flip people over who annoyed her.

Win win win all around.

Well the rest of my op is quite clear I'm not talking about parents hanging kids upside down or siblings rolling round tickling.

I’m not going to give any more details about my children @2pence but you could
not be more wrong. My children play-fight, I have always been a total crunchy mum and opposed to stereotypical gender roles. Plenty of barbies and buggies for boys etc but also on a much deeper level than that. One child no issue coming out as gay at a young age, one happy to be non gender conforming. Seriously, you as so wide of the mark in terms of the role of rough-housing for children.

I'm really surprised by the posts here; rough play (emphasis on play) is really important for children.

It's how they learn boundaries and empathy.

If someone is upset it's not play and should be stopped, but the point is that children learn to recognise this, stop and care for one another, apologise for accidents and learn from the mistakes.

Judo was invented for children to allow precisely all this within the school environment.

OP, I don’t think us women quite understand play fighting and roughhousing, but there’s actual research that young boys should be doing that with their dads. It’s developmentally very beneficial apparently.

I don’t get it but I let DH and DSs roughhouse. 🤷‍♀️

Note I said children; my sister and I did a lot of play fighting

I wrestled my brother constantly as a child, it is beneficial for girls too.

Ok @Pooooochi

so in spite of me and many others reading your title and post in combination as being about play-fighting, it isn’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I probably don’t disagree with you. Actual fighting I agree is unacceptable and I wouldn’t tolerate it. I haven’t actually had to stop my sons doing it, maybe because they learnt proper boundaries at home, when they were play-fighting…😁

Some boys just like to play fight, doesn't mean they are going to grow up being aggressive and fighting everyone in there path. I'm sure a lot of parents have the means to explain right and wrong and stopping the behaviour should it become concerning

Stop being so judgement

Judgemental

Yep same, one of my kids is exactly like this. It’s so good for them and not aggression. They laugh the entire time. He’s recently started jiu jitsu and he’s never been so happy in a club, it’s the perfect channel for his boundless energy and has a great ethos.

I have a DD who has no interest in this behaviour. My friend has got 3 boys who are very much into rough play, makes me nervous that someone will get really hurt and l have no idea why she allows it

We are animals after all. Everyone has ‘awww’ed over a lion cub fighting with its dad 🤷🏻‍♀️

Martial arts require discipline, control, and learning safe, careful moves with a partner who has agreed to spar. Where have i said anything against those.

Im talking about parents who literally allow fighting. Lots do.

Possibly none on here will admit to tolerating it.

My DM literally used to leave us 3 girls to fight all the time - I remember strangers telling us to behave on the steps outside Reigate Town Hall. The youngest was particularly violent - throwing knives and bricks if she didn't get her own way.

And such a naice MC Family too, DM was DH of a large Comp, continuing her post-retirement career as an SEN Consultant.

Amazingly nearly 60 years later, none of us 'girls' are overtly violent really despite our background, I've channelled my 'aggression' into contact sports and being physically capable, another is a work of art in passive aggression; it's possibly only the youngest who I'd be worried about - you never know if she's carrying a gun in her handbag or about to hit you.

Thankfully, I'm NC.