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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on holiday without toddler?

276 replies

FormationLap · 28/10/2023 18:16

Speaking to a childless (by choice) friend today and mentioned DH has booked a trip for us. It was a pretty decent deal so went for it. My DD would be staying with grandparents who look after her a couple of days a week whilst we're at work (their choice).

DD is 2.5 and would still be sticking to usual routine so going to nursery the other days etc as parents live in same town.

Friend says I'm incredibly selfish to be going away without child (child will be going abroad in late summer with us so not a case of missing out). For context, friend goes on holiday loads so not a case of jealously, has been to this destination several times.

We would be away 9 nights in total inc travel.

My DH and mum say to ignore her and that it's nobodies business, but I just want to know if we are BU?

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 28/10/2023 18:20

Team mum and dad. It’s none of your friend’s business. It always amazes me how much people without children seem to know about them.

NalafromtheLionKing · 28/10/2023 18:20

Wow! No way (possibly one night away, if that).

nowordsforthis · 28/10/2023 18:22

Is your toddler used to you leaving them overnight? 9 nights sounds quite a lot for a little kid tbh. I left mine at age 3 for 4 days with close friends for a work conference trip (I’m a single mother) and it was quite a big deal even though he had stayed overnight at their house before without me a few times.

Densol57 · 28/10/2023 18:22

Id love to look after my grandson like that. We are building up from overnights to weekends to weeks so my son and lovely DIL can have a break
Grandson is type 1 diabetes so respite and recharge is vital

Go on holiday and fuck what anyone else says !

FawnFrenchieMum · 28/10/2023 18:23

Definitely not wrong to be going away, although for me personally 9 days would probably be a little bit too long but as long as Childs safe and cared for it’s fine.

Allthingsdecember · 28/10/2023 18:24

Leaving a toddler for a night or two is ok (depending on the toddler).

Going away for 9 days seems cruel though. Surely they’ll miss you too much?

brentorkentishtown · 28/10/2023 18:24

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we've removed their threads and posts.

Original poster
FormationLap · 28/10/2023 18:24

I've been away for 4 nights a couple of times for work and as long as I can FaceTime, I was ok. It was hard but she was safe and loving life with her grandparents

OP posts:
LocalHobo · 28/10/2023 18:25

I couldn't take me and DH away from our 2 and a half year old for 9 days! Does seem a weird thing to want to do.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 28/10/2023 18:27

I couldn't have done it but it sounds like your child is used to being left so will probably be fine.

Gnomegnomegnome · 28/10/2023 18:27

It’s fine. Different people do different things but you know your child.

Summermeadowflowers · 28/10/2023 18:27

Since you asked I think you are unreasonable to be honest, but if you didn’t ask your friend I think her opinion should have stayed just that.

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 28/10/2023 18:29

I mean, it’s not great tbh is it? It’s not the end of the world but not sure what you want us to say really? Well done on your excellent parenting?

berksandbeyond · 28/10/2023 18:31

I don’t get why you would to be honest, why did you have a child if you wanted child free holidays?

yellowlane · 28/10/2023 18:31

I wouldn't have left my dc for that length of time. I still wouldn't unless necessary.

TidyDancer · 28/10/2023 18:32

Everyone is different I guess but it wouldn't be for me. Your friend is right that it's selfish, there's no real doubt there, but sometimes selfishness is okay. I don't think this is one of those times personally but it's up to you.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/10/2023 18:33

Hell no would I leave my children for that long. They are 9 and 3. I have been away with work for 5 days/4 nights and that was too long and I really missed my girls. They were with their dad so I knew they were safe but I still missed them.

Sunshineclouds11 · 28/10/2023 18:33

I wouldn't leave my DC for that amount of time tbh.

Why aren't you taking her with you?

Bluela18 · 28/10/2023 18:34

I have a little one, no partner though , but if I did Id love that opportunity. I think it's really important and healthy that mummy and daddy have the time to go away together and have alone time. You know ypur toddler is safe with grandparents and it's only 9 days. I think as your child grows up they will see how healthy and happy their mummy and daddy is together. None of your friends business and I can't see in any way as it being selfish!

AhBiscuits · 28/10/2023 18:34

There is no way I would leave my 2 year-old for that long, but it's really no one else's business what you do. People do all kinds of shit I think is crazy.

HerMammy · 28/10/2023 18:35

Wow! No way (possibly one night away, if that).
Why? many parents work away, forces etc and kids survive. The child will be with GPs, not abandoned

Sunshineclouds11 · 28/10/2023 18:35

HerMammy · 28/10/2023 18:35

Wow! No way (possibly one night away, if that).
Why? many parents work away, forces etc and kids survive. The child will be with GPs, not abandoned

Agree but I'd say it's because it's a holiday.
Not because they have to due to work.

beandream · 28/10/2023 18:35

I don't agree with comments saying why would you have children if you wanted child free holidays, but I think 9 days is quite a long time. I'd say 5 is reasonable and I've done it myself!
Your relationship is important and it's good to have child free times and a break! You should do it and I'm sure 9 days will be FINE, despite me saying it's quite long x

Daleksatemyshed · 28/10/2023 18:36

I find it very hard to believe you CF by choice friend would tell you off for going away without your DC. If they're really CF they would consider this quite normal

Animallover87 · 28/10/2023 18:37

So many mummy martyrs on this thread, OP. Your little one will be fine, enjoy your trip! Where are you off to?

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