AIBU to go on holiday without toddler?

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Speaking to a childless (by choice) friend today and mentioned DH has booked a trip for us. It was a pretty decent deal so went for it. My DD would be staying with grandparents who look after her a couple of days a week whilst we're at work (their choice).

DD is 2.5 and would still be sticking to usual routine so going to nursery the other days etc as parents live in same town.

Friend says I'm incredibly selfish to be going away without child (child will be going abroad in late summer with us so not a case of missing out). For context, friend goes on holiday loads so not a case of jealously, has been to this destination several times.

We would be away 9 nights in total inc travel.

My DH and mum say to ignore her and that it's nobodies business, but I just want to know if we are BU?

Nah, I'm no martyr I just enjoy spending time with my kids and would miss them too much for that long.

The toddler goes to nursery for 3 days and is with said grandparents the other 2 during the week normally anyway. So during the day nothing will change and they’ll just get extra time with grandparents in the evenings.

@Delatron The issue is that toddlers have little concept of time and can become very anxious when they don’t see their primary caregivers for several days. It’s completely different for an older child who better understands the situation.

I was gone for less than 36 hours having my DS and the first thing toddler DD said when I arrived home was “You came back!” Even though she’d visited us in hospital the day before, she thought it was such a long time.

You don’t need to spend every minute of every day with them though. Or if you are that way inclined no need to judge others who don’t feel they need to spend every waking hour with them.

I mean I love my children but spending all day with a toddler is no fun..

It's not that simple though in reality is it? Do you think they won't notice their parents not there for 9 days?

You could argue the grandparents are one of the primary caregivers though. 2 days a week is a lot. The other 3 at nursery. Sounds like a well balanced child who is used to being cared for my a mixture of caregivers. Less likely to be whingy. I’m sure the OP knows her own child.

@Delatron I don't think I'm especially weird, maybe I am, but spending the day with my toddler is heaps of fun. I would straight up be bored going on holiday without her.

They’ll be fine. They obviously have a close relationship with their grandparents! All children are different. OP knows her own child. If you have a whiny child that can never be left with anyone then maybe it would be different.

She’s not leaving the child in a cupboard!

I used to go to my grans for a couple of weeks from a young age most summers. Don’t remember being upset or missing my parents. I was close to my gran.

@Delatron I don’t think it’s to do with being a well-balanced child or having different caregivers ( my DD was also at nursery), it’s simply their age and being used to seeing at least one parent every night.

Personally, I’d wait until they’re five for both parents to start having longer holidays. But as the holiday’s already booked, I guess they’re going!

Who cares what others think? Ignore the judgement here. If you, DH and your mum are happy, that’s all the matters

Myself and my husband left our eldest for 3 nights (pre second child) and that was absolutely fine. DS stayed with grandparents who he is used to staying with overnight (I’m a shift worker and DH works away during the week sometimes so staying overnight with grandparents is a necessity for us to work), he had a great weekend ‘on holiday’ at his grandparents, he was about 20 months-ish at the time. I think I’d be happy leaving him and his sibling (When sibling is older, currently only 8 months) for a week but that might be my limit. I think as long as you’re comfortable with it though then it’s your choice, there’s nothing wrong with needing a break sometimes.

I disagree. They are used to seeing their grandparents for 2 whole days every week. They’ll be fine. Good for the OP

9 days is an awful long time for a 2 1/2 yr old to be left without either parent, a weekend would be far preferable. I work with children this age & when parents do this the child’s behaviour normally changes quite dramatically. Some become extremely withdrawn & cry a lot whilst others become aggressive. It is so incredibly hard for the children.

If grandparents are happy to care for her and she’s in her normal routine then go and have a great time. I always had holidays with friends when mine were little. Your friend is pretty rude

Your child will be fine but 9 days is a long time to leave them really imo. No judgment but I would struggle !!

I always went On holiday without my kids from when they were little. I have a life and they were loved and safe and looked after whilst spoilt rotten by their grandparents. It’s made for very secure and independent teenagers who respect my need for time and independence and embrace my life choices with love and aspirations for their own future.

people that never leave their kids become boring imo. And the kids clingy and needy. Not my kinda people.

OP has been silent on whether her DD is used to staying overnight with GP's but I'm assuming not.

The truth is @Delatron no one knows how she'll be until it happens. She's certainly too young to understand, so all the people with their fond memories obviously weren't 2 and had some understanding that both their parents would return.
At that age she could become very distressed and confused. Then what? Her parents are on a different continent so it's going to be a very long 9 days for everyone. Not to mention being clingy when they get back.

It could all be fine but I wouldn't take that risk for a holiday. But OP evidently will, so not sure why she posted.

Well they won’t know until they try. She clearly has a close relationship with the grandparents so I’m
sure they’ll be able to cope.

To be honest it’s those that never leave their children with anyone who end up with whingy, clingy kids.

There’s a lot of jealousy on this thread. It’s good for children to get used to spending time with grandparents overnight if that works for everyone.

Yabu leaving such a small child for that length of time, but she is bu saying something unless asked.

I was two, and indeed younger when my parents went away together. So was my brother.

I obviously don’t remember the first few times, but it was something entirely normal to me. I enjoyed my time with my grandparents, and I’m happy that my parents were able to go away and have a break together. Like I said in my earlier post, it’s genuinely never occurred to me to feel any other way about it.

Yes I definitely stayed over at my grandmas from before the age of 2. My Mum told me. Then the longer stays weren’t an issue as it was something I was used to doing from a young age.

You are still a parentvof course, but you are not parenting.

Iv just 4 nights child free from my nearly 4 and 6 year old. Next year I’m going to stretch it to 5, they are with their dad so a parent (although suspect they would have preferred grandparents 🤣).

i don’t think my children or I, would have managed any longer than that but everyone is different. I suppose I do question why so long though?

Yes, that was the case for my cousin's DS. My cousin also knew her own DC and thought he'd be fine. He wasn't.

I didn't say I want to spend every waking minute with them, but 9 days apart would be too much for me