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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on holiday without toddler?

276 replies

FormationLap · 28/10/2023 18:16

Speaking to a childless (by choice) friend today and mentioned DH has booked a trip for us. It was a pretty decent deal so went for it. My DD would be staying with grandparents who look after her a couple of days a week whilst we're at work (their choice).

DD is 2.5 and would still be sticking to usual routine so going to nursery the other days etc as parents live in same town.

Friend says I'm incredibly selfish to be going away without child (child will be going abroad in late summer with us so not a case of missing out). For context, friend goes on holiday loads so not a case of jealously, has been to this destination several times.

We would be away 9 nights in total inc travel.

My DH and mum say to ignore her and that it's nobodies business, but I just want to know if we are BU?

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/10/2023 19:01

henrysugar12 · 28/10/2023 18:56

It would be selfish to take the child with you and put them in the kids club. Leaving them with loving grandparents who will probably spoil them rotten... not selfish.

Why are these the only options? We never put our children in the kids’ club either and plan activities that they will enjoy. Now DD1 is older, she may want to do some of the on-site activities and that would be fine as it would be her choice.

Snowdayplease · 28/10/2023 19:03

We left our toddler at the same age for 5 nights. He was happy, so we heard, with his gps. When we got back he was extra clingy and started waking in the night and coming through to check we were there - not something he'd ever done before.

boredfuckinsenseless · 28/10/2023 19:05

1970s-1980s DM and her 'BF' later DH went abroad every year for 2 weeks. We didn't go. We were with GPs. Didn't bother us, we went to Butlins for a week or to relatives for a week for our holiday. The only time it upset us was when they took his son one and not us ever.

OP, your kids will be fine!

HDready · 28/10/2023 19:09

FormationLap · 28/10/2023 18:39

I was prepared for it tbh.

We're going to Miami - tying it in with the F1 race.

It's a one off, but what I will add, my dad won a couple of holidays for work back in the day and we went to stay with grandparents - we had a ball! Don't harm us. My parents called daily and we were fine.

Show quote history

But presumably the fact that you remember it means you were older than 2.5 and had the ability to be told/understand why your parents were away and that they were returning.

BMrs · 28/10/2023 19:16

Wow your friend is a dick! We have been away without the children a couple of times, admittedly never for more than a week but go away and enjoy yourself. FaceTime makes it much easier these days

IfYouDontAsk · 28/10/2023 19:19

Honestly, I don’t think it’s very fair for parents to both leave their young children for more than a night or two unless they have to (work, parent in hospital etc). I think 9 days would feel like an enormously long time to a two year old. Both my children would have been extremely distressed to be away from us for that length of time and I would not have wanted to put them through that for the sake of a holiday.

In my opinion some aspects of your life do get put on hold for a while when you’ve chosen to become a parent and that’s absolutely fine. You miss out on some experiences for a while but you trade them for other experiences you have as a parent. There’s plenty of time before having kids to have childfree holidays and again when they’re older.

That said, I think your friend would have been better to keep her unasked-for opinion on the matter to herself.

ThisIsntThe80sPat · 28/10/2023 19:23

Personally think that's too long to leave a toddler without mum and dad.
But I was constantly left alone with my gran while my mum went away and it affected me so I am particularly funny about it.

feathermucker · 28/10/2023 19:24

Don't let anybody guilt trip you here. It's not cruel or anything like it. You're absolutely allowed to enjoy time without them.

There will always be people who wouldn't or couldn't do it and that's their choice. Toddlers with grandparents who they know well anyway.

Frabbits · 28/10/2023 19:25

Well, it is by definition selfish. You are putting your desire to go on holiday over being a parent to your kid.

9 days is a long time away from your parents at 2 and a bit.

Parker231 · 28/10/2023 19:27

Frabbits · 28/10/2023 19:25

Well, it is by definition selfish. You are putting your desire to go on holiday over being a parent to your kid.

9 days is a long time away from your parents at 2 and a bit.

Believe me - been there, done it. Nine days out of their childhood has zero impact.

BIossomtoes · 28/10/2023 19:29

Frabbits · 28/10/2023 19:25

Well, it is by definition selfish. You are putting your desire to go on holiday over being a parent to your kid.

9 days is a long time away from your parents at 2 and a bit.

You don’t stop being a parent because you have a break.

JuliaJohnstone · 28/10/2023 19:29

I wonder if your friend is all shook up about this because it's the kind of thing she tells herself she can do but parents can't - you're challenging her belief!

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 28/10/2023 19:31

I couldn't do it but we are not talking about me!

Evaka · 28/10/2023 19:31

So many bonkers responses here. It's as if you're planning to leave your kid locked in a coal shed rather than with presumably capable and loving grandparents. Tell your friend to shush and enjoy your trip.

Jamorjelly · 28/10/2023 19:32

There are 6570 days until they’re 18, we’re talking 9 of those.

As long as you trust the grandparents I think it’s fine.

notlucreziaborgia · 28/10/2023 19:32

My parents went on childfree holidays yearly (went on family holidays as well), and it has genuinely never occurred to me to be something to be upset about. The opposite, actually. I think having time together as a couple was and is a good thing.

ChicagoBears · 28/10/2023 19:33

No judgement here whatsoever but I just couldn’t be away from my DC at that age simply because I’m a baby but if your baby is settled with grandparents and you’re good with it then I say Bon voyage and enjoy!

Surroundedbyfools · 28/10/2023 19:34

9 days is a long time to be away from a child that young. The longest I’ve been away from my almost 2 year old is 3 nights and that’s because I was in hospital having his brother !! I felt desperate to see him. I couldn’t imagine being away so long !

Frabbits · 28/10/2023 19:35

BIossomtoes · 28/10/2023 19:29

You don’t stop being a parent because you have a break.

Show quote history

I'm not saying you don't.

Op asked if it was selfish for her to put her desire for a holiday first. It is, because that's what selfish means.

It's therefore up to individuals to whether they think that is ok or not. So will, some won't. Some toddlers will cope fine, others will struggle. Nothing controversial about that at all.

Autumnvibes23 · 28/10/2023 19:36

I do think it is quite young and I know I couldn't have left mine at that age (and honestly I wouldn't have wanted to) but I didn't have anyone to leave them with, anyway. My cousin went away for a week when her little boy was 2 and he stayed with grandparents (my aunt and uncle) who used to look after him while his parents were at work and sometimes over night. They said it was awful, the little boy did not cope well atall. So I think the trouble is you don't know if they'll be ok untill they're not and you're very far away.

Onemoremakesthree · 28/10/2023 19:39

Go for it!!
LO will have a blast and probably won't notice you're gone!

HamBone · 28/10/2023 19:40

I think it’s completely fine to go on holiday when your toddler is happy with their grandparents. But, I agree with some PP’s that nine days is a really long time at that age. They won’t understand that you’re coming back and may get distressed. I’m not saying don’t go, just warning that this is likely to happen.

Anneta · 28/10/2023 19:42

You are extremely fortunate, as I was, that you have parents that have such a close bond with your child. Go away and enjoy yourselves. In the 60s, we lived happily for many months with my own GPs when my mum had a major cancer operation. I left my son at 12 months with his GPs when he had asthma and the doctor advised last minute against him flying. He started walking while we were away! My parents also looked after him for two weeks when he caught chickenpox, as I was teaching and unable to take time off work. You must have felt happy with the arrangements or you wouldn’t have booked the holiday and your opinion is all that matters.

Dragonsandcats · 28/10/2023 19:44

we left a very confident 3 year old for 3 nights, with GP’s they saw a lot. it was too much for them probably. they definitely missed us. i wouldn’t do 9 nights.

HamBone · 28/10/2023 19:46

@Anneta It really depends on the child, doesn’t it. I had a similar situation when I was three and my Mum had to go into hospital for several weeks. I was upset with her when she got back! It was different as I got older, of course, but I didn’t understand at that age and I didn’t want to be with my Granny after a few days!