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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on holiday without toddler?

276 replies

FormationLap · 28/10/2023 18:16

Speaking to a childless (by choice) friend today and mentioned DH has booked a trip for us. It was a pretty decent deal so went for it. My DD would be staying with grandparents who look after her a couple of days a week whilst we're at work (their choice).

DD is 2.5 and would still be sticking to usual routine so going to nursery the other days etc as parents live in same town.

Friend says I'm incredibly selfish to be going away without child (child will be going abroad in late summer with us so not a case of missing out). For context, friend goes on holiday loads so not a case of jealously, has been to this destination several times.

We would be away 9 nights in total inc travel.

My DH and mum say to ignore her and that it's nobodies business, but I just want to know if we are BU?

OP posts:
DragonDoor · 28/10/2023 19:50

Only you know your child and how well they would cope with being apart for that long, but most toddlers would find that hard.

If you haven’t considered that 9 days is a long time for an average 2.5 year old then YABU.

Needaholi · 28/10/2023 19:50

Why waste time with this thread? You're obviously set on going.

9 nights is too long imo

thelonemommabear · 28/10/2023 19:51

No i wouldn't not for 9 nights and to be honest Id find it bizarre if any parent did think it was ok to leave a child that age for so long. But I didn't have kids to then go on holiday without them I suppose

Hygeelady · 28/10/2023 19:52

Personally I think that is selfish but each to their own I guess. That's a very long time for a toddler and sounds a bit like you're taking the mick out of the grandparents!

TeenLifeMum · 28/10/2023 19:55

we have a big anniversary next year and are planning a long weekend away. Already feel guilty but we won’t be away more than 4 nights which we did similar last year. My dc are at secondary though. We wouldn’t do it when dc were little though. I know I wouldn’t have wanted to be away from dc for that long, but that’s me and my feelings. You do whatever works for you.

Autumnvibes23 · 28/10/2023 19:56

Anneta · 28/10/2023 19:42

You are extremely fortunate, as I was, that you have parents that have such a close bond with your child. Go away and enjoy yourselves. In the 60s, we lived happily for many months with my own GPs when my mum had a major cancer operation. I left my son at 12 months with his GPs when he had asthma and the doctor advised last minute against him flying. He started walking while we were away! My parents also looked after him for two weeks when he caught chickenpox, as I was teaching and unable to take time off work. You must have felt happy with the arrangements or you wouldn’t have booked the holiday and your opinion is all that matters.

My DC were separated from me when I was in hospital. They were with their dad who they of course have a close bond with. They were very distressed at being apart from me. I personally find it strange that you could live happily away from your mum for months.

And as I've already said in my experience your toddler can be super close with their grandparents but that doesn't mean they'll cope and by that time you're a flight away.

Autumnvibes23 · 28/10/2023 19:57

DragonDoor · 28/10/2023 19:50

Only you know your child and how well they would cope with being apart for that long, but most toddlers would find that hard.

If you haven’t considered that 9 days is a long time for an average 2.5 year old then YABU.

My cousin thought her DC would cope fine. He didn't.

Olika · 28/10/2023 19:59

If you feel comfortable leaving your toddler with the grandparents for that long then it doesn't really matter what your friend or anybody else thinks.

Lastchancechica · 28/10/2023 20:00

It’s much much too long!
Poor child.

Lastchancechica · 28/10/2023 20:01

It’s such a shame as children repeatedly left like this end up with attachment issues.

Isthisexpected · 28/10/2023 20:03

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 28/10/2023 18:29

I mean, it’s not great tbh is it? It’s not the end of the world but not sure what you want us to say really? Well done on your excellent parenting?

Same thoughts here really.

Parker231 · 28/10/2023 20:04

Lastchancechica · 28/10/2023 20:01

It’s such a shame as children repeatedly left like this end up with attachment issues.

Mine had no attachment issues. Normal children, teenagers and now young adults. Great relationship.

Flittingaboutagain · 28/10/2023 20:04

Children don't understand time like adults. It'll feel never ending to your toddler!

IWasFunBeforeMum · 28/10/2023 20:04

I wouldn't go for that long but everyone's different! Have fun!

Butchyrestingface · 28/10/2023 20:05

I'm also childfree and would never have ventured my opinion unless you explicitly asked for it. But I would have probably have secretly agreed with your friend.

That said, you know your child and your child's grandparents better than anyone on this thread.

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/10/2023 20:08

Surely it entirely depends on the toddler, the grandparents/minders, the routine and whether it remains familiar or its a total change and upheaval.

Kids go through phases of being clingy and concerned about where everyone is or where one particular person is anyway, whether they get left with others or not.

As long as theres no obvious reason based on previous behaviour, to suspect that this would cause a child distress, I can't see a good reason why not.

orandeyu · 28/10/2023 20:09

I haven't even been able to leave my 2.5 for one night yet alone 9! I find that crazy to be honest but that is my opinion.

Lastchancechica · 28/10/2023 20:13

Parker231 · 28/10/2023 20:04

Mine had no attachment issues. Normal children, teenagers and now young adults. Great relationship.

Show quote history

Of course you would think that - you don’t actually know how they feel being left for weeks at a time. Unless their primary caregiver was a nanny or your parents it seems unlikely that it didn’t matter at all at two years old. It’s cruel to create such suffering.

Humbugg · 28/10/2023 20:17

It’s far too long in my books. I’ve left my 3 year old for 1 night about 6 times. I’d look to leave him for 2 nights this year. But 9 nights? God no.

Mumsgirls · 28/10/2023 20:17

Longest I have had dgc was3 nights and this was to cover when both parents were covid positive, so to protect her. That was enough for both her and me. Have had her for single nights, so not a shock but think 9 would have been much too much

Tabbygabby · 28/10/2023 20:18

It's not selfish to go on holiday without your 2.5 year old, 9 days would have been too long for me but we are all different.

Snowonthebeachx · 28/10/2023 20:21

It would be a bit too long for me but if you think they will all be happy then it's no one else's business! Some children are really close to their grandparents especially if they are regular caregivers. I have happily left DS with mine for several weekends.

My parents did a similar length trip to visit family when we were 6 & 2. They actually really missed us and said never again but we were fine with our grandparents and certainly didn't get attachment issues!

Growlybear83 · 28/10/2023 20:23

I can't imagine the circumstances when I would have left my daughter for so long, at any age let alone at 2.5. Why would you want to be away from your daughter for nine days? How could you enjoy a holiday without her? I think you're being incredibly selfish.

RedRobyn2021 · 28/10/2023 20:27

9 days away from you 2.5yo seems excessive to me, like maybe one or two nights

My DD is the same age and I can't say I would do that

I mean no matter what way you look at it, it is selfish. She's not wrong.

bakewellbride · 28/10/2023 20:28

I could never do this, I wouldn't do it for £1million.