Page 5 | How can my brother salvage this situation

missblooming · 2023-10-27T10:19:38+00:00

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month. They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family. The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention. Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him. How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

PuddlesPityParty · 27/10/2023 11:56

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

“The children go without”

HIS children, not her children. Get real. She should not be spending her money on his kids.

If the kids are going without, that’s on your brother and your brother only.

LaurieStrode · 27/10/2023 11:56

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

Unfair to whom? She can spend as she pleases.

If he needs more money, he needs to WORK for it, not eyeball her wallet.

With debts and two kids to support, he has no business dating in the first place. All of his energy should be spent honoring his existing obligations.

HalliwellManor · 27/10/2023 11:57

If I were her,he would be gone.Hell would freeze over before I got rid of my dog.
Your brother sounds like a twat.

Citrusandginger · 27/10/2023 11:57

Imagine choosing to feed your pet instead of paying off cocklodger's debts.

Imagine what sort of dick thinks feeding animals is unreasonable.

Justcallmebebes · 27/10/2023 11:57

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

With all due respect, they're not her children so if they go without, that's on your DB. Does he work?

Riverlee · 27/10/2023 11:57

Tonight1 · 27/10/2023 11:52

Does he work fulltime?

Was about to post the same. Is he working?

Rainbowqueeen · 27/10/2023 11:58

Suggest he finds a share house.

His poor kids. What a waster.

Ex girlfriend is way out of his league

vodkaredbullgirl · 27/10/2023 11:58

I'm surprised she let him move in.

jeaux90 · 27/10/2023 11:58

You and your DB sound very entitled.

His GF is not his personal support human. She is not there to support his kids!!

I'm with the GF I hope she kicks him out.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 27/10/2023 11:58

Lol

Itsgettingweirdnow · 27/10/2023 11:59

Op…. This is dogsnet.. where animals are more valued then humans… Some of the posts I have read over the years are UTTER madness.

That aside, your bother does seem to be taking the piss in regards to dictating how she spends her money and how she deals with her children.

So all in all, your bro is BU.

RoseDog · 27/10/2023 11:59

Her spending £80 on a bag of dog food is probably saving money as it costs less than buying 4 bags at £25-£30 for the same volume, unless he thinks she should just buy the dog cheaper food...no!

But at the end of the day what she does with her dog and money is none of his business!

Iwant2beJessicaFletcher · 27/10/2023 11:59

Your brothers girlfriends isnt responsible for your DBs children - he is. She can spend her money on whatever she wants and if his children go without then thats on him, not her.

I suggest your brother realises that he is responsible for his own life choices and stops trying to get others to manage his children and debt issues.

Oreosareawful · 27/10/2023 11:59

Another one here applauding the GF. She is not the unreasonable one, you and your brother are!

and I don't like dogs!

Trevorton · 27/10/2023 12:00

LaurieStrode · 27/10/2023 11:25

Yes, why the hell is he monitoring her spending and what business is it of his how she spends on the dog? Has he hoodwinked her into paying his debts, too?!

Sounds like a mooching cocklodger to me.

This.

Ophy83 · 27/10/2023 12:00

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

You are comparing essential food for the dog with non-essential cinema trip for the children to say they are going without?! It is not her responsibility to pay for his kids. Is he even paying for accommodation/bills or is she paying for all that as well?!

Tonight1 · 27/10/2023 12:01

Toddlerteaplease · 27/10/2023 11:54

Doubt it

Show quote history

I'm p/t and manage to support myself! Albeit no children involved.

I took care of a friend for a week recently just by dropping off food until he was well enough again. Can't imagine a man turning up expecting to live with me and take care of their credit card debt.

OP you must know this is ludicrous...? Your brother needs to move out and reestablish his independence. What is cc debt for?

DriftingDora · 27/10/2023 12:01

Er... why is the girlfriend expected to help your brother pay off his debt? And the two children are HIS responsibility, it's surely not for her to change her way of life to accomodate his children unless she chooses to do so?

He'll need to try to find his own place so that he can hopefully have the kids. Children are a life choice, this is what happens when a relationship breaks down. Unfortunately it's not other people's job to sort it all out for him.

NotSuchASmugMarried · 27/10/2023 12:01

What everyone else says

Plus want to add - he's very sly and disloyal if he's slagging his girlfriend off and winging and bitching about her to his sister.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 27/10/2023 12:01

LaurieStrode · 27/10/2023 11:25

Yes, why the hell is he monitoring her spending and what business is it of his how she spends on the dog? Has he hoodwinked her into paying his debts, too?!

Sounds like a mooching cocklodger to me.

Yep totally getting cocklodger vibes!

It is NOT her responsibility to lay off his debts, provide a home for his kids or let him dictate what happens with her much loved and loyal pet.

The dog is a far better option for a reasonable relationship at this point than your unpleasant brother.

Codlingmoths · 27/10/2023 12:02

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

But it’s her dog and they are his children. She’s looking after her dog and he’s looking after his children. What else does he expect? Why does he feel entitled to financial support for his children from his new partner??

HalliwellManor · 27/10/2023 12:02

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

Why should HIS children be the responsibility of the GF?,she should spend her money treating her dog like a prince if she wants to,his kids and their 'going without' are nothing to do with her!.
If she's got any sense she will run for the hills from your cocklodging brother and take her lovely dog with her!

whereaw · 27/10/2023 12:03

I think you need to tell your brother to grow a pair and start taking care of himself, without relying on you or a new partner to do it for him. He sounds completely entitled and I feel sorry for his new girlfriend (and ex)!
You are clearly gassing him up and making this situation worse by agreeing with him that he is in the right and the situation is unfair- stop enabling and encouraging him. He's a grown man and father. The gf has done nothing wrong..

Notwhatyouwanttohear · 27/10/2023 12:03

I really don't want him moving back in here

Your brother is such a catch even his own family don't want him back.

He is a chancer and a joker.

Moving in and demanding she changes her lifestyle to accommodate his offspring not only that to try and get her to fund their lifestyle.

WessexWanderer · 27/10/2023 12:04

I kept reading the OP, wondering when I was going to get to the bit where the GF was unreasonable. But it never came.
She's organising her house & her money how she wants, exactly as she should.

But you do not have to let your DB move back in with you. Might be a good idea to make him stand on his own two feet for a bit.