Page 6 | How can my brother salvage this situation

Userwithallthenumbers · 27/10/2023 12:04

OK, so if this is genuine and he wants the relationship, not just a person to subsidise his lifestyle and kids...

He apologises. Acknowledges that he got it wrong, that the kids are are his responsibility, not hers. He suggests the dog sleeps in the bedroom with them again, like it happily did before he moved in and turfed it out. He lets go of all resentment about her spending her money on her dog and grows the fuck up and works out how to service his debt and support his kids himself. This is not her problem. He applies zero pressure to her, says his piece and lets her decide and accepts her decision.

Unfortunately it does not sound to me as if either you or he are aware enough of just how appalling his attitude here is. It sounds as if he just wanted a meal ticket, not a relationship, so I would be extremely surprised if she was willing to reconsider.

Pugdays · 27/10/2023 12:04

That's hilliarious
They are not her kids ,he needs a house himself in stead of cocklodging in hers .
To be honest you make it sound like he's using her to get access to the kids

orangegato · 27/10/2023 12:04

I suspect the OP is actually the ‘brother’ and the ‘woman’ is actually her male partner whose dog she is jealous of.

If it is true, the ‘brother’ can fuck right off then fuck off some more. Resenting feeding dog cause ‘he’ has debts. Yikes.

Original poster

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:05

KateyCuckoo · 27/10/2023 11:50

He sounds like such a catch.

No where to live.

Debt.

Children he can't support.

Hates her dog.

Emotionally immature.

Can't for the life of me think why she's not begging for him to come back!

He absolutely does support his kids! He's a great dad, which is why he wants them to come and be able to live with him. He pays a fortune in maitenance to their mum, there just isn't then enough left for him to do treats like the cinema or even a Macdonalds when they come to visit him and he wants them to have a nice time. The credit card debt is a hangover from their relationship when they had a new kitchen- so again it is him supporting his kids and the mother of his children.

I can't believe that you are all saying that you would be happy to see your kids go without whilst an animal gets spoilt rotten! It's not about him being a 'cocklodger' she knew he had kids when he moved in- so I don't know why the idea that they have a room is so baffling? The dog wont know the difference of where it sleeps.

He loves his GF very much, he's devestated at the thought the relationship might be over. He just cant get passed the resentment of the dog. I had hoped for some advice on that, or helping them reach a compromise as another poster has said this is definetly dogsnet.

OP posts:

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 27/10/2023 12:05

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

SHE IS NOT FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS KIDS

For fucks sake

horseyhorsey17 · 27/10/2023 12:06

This is exactly why I will never live with another partner again. Someone coming into my house and promptly trying to get rid of my dog - off you fuck, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/10/2023 12:06

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

The children going without isn't down to her. She's allowed to treat her dog however she wants with her money.

She needs to ditch him. Your brother is absolutely attempting to use her as a cash cow.

ThreeTescoBags · 27/10/2023 12:06

Itsgettingweirdnow · 27/10/2023 11:59

Op…. This is dogsnet.. where animals are more valued then humans… Some of the posts I have read over the years are UTTER madness.

That aside, your bother does seem to be taking the piss in regards to dictating how she spends her money and how she deals with her children.

So all in all, your bro is BU.

Is it your assertion that a person having acquired a pet should neglect it's basic needs (ie food) in favour of a trip to the cinema because the cinema trip benefits a human?

(I am not a dog owner)

4naansjeremy · 27/10/2023 12:06

Surely we need more information from the OP before we can decide if the GF is unreasonable for choosing the dog…

how much credit card debt does the dog have?

does the dog have an entitled batshit sister?

does she have to look after the dogs children?

everyone is very quick to jump on the OP here.

Pugdays · 27/10/2023 12:06

More like devastated that he looses a comfy home ,
He clearly can't afford to stand on his own feet ,so has to find a woman to move in with ..very sad

orangegato · 27/10/2023 12:06

If someone made me relegate my cat it’d be the last conversation I ever had with them. The brother is lucky she gives his selfish arse the time of day.

Dragonsandcats · 27/10/2023 12:07

does he expect her to not feed her dog? or just give it cheap food? she has already compromised by moving it into another bedroom. He is expecting her to subsidise him, and his children. He isn’t coming across well here.

Vinvertebrate · 27/10/2023 12:07

I’m not a fan of dogs at all, wouldn’t live with one. But I still think your brother sounds like a cocklodger. Why is he expecting her to pay for his kids’ cinema trip?

Totalwasteofpaper · 27/10/2023 12:07

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

As if he wouldn't be equally pissed off if she spent it on her nails/adidas trainer collection/ handbags/ garden gnome collection

It's grating on him because he feels entitled to spent HER money.

And it's not THE children. They are HIS children. He should be embarrassed he can't pay for a couple of cinema tickets not be looking to dip his hand in her purse or even better for her to beg him to take the money because she has so much he'd be doing her a favour!

You might not mean to but you are coming across badly and as his apologist.

Also LOVE that you are on here trying to fix his problems for him because he's too lazy to bothered to do it himself.

porridgeisbae · 27/10/2023 12:07

So he's trying to use her to clear his debt and have somewhere for his children to visit @missblooming . That's not ok. Her dog is her responsibility so of course it's going to come first. The kids aren't hers and the debt isn't hers.

He's obviously become really arsey about the issue (you've said he's got hung up on it) and that's why she's told him to leave.

WhatWhereWho · 27/10/2023 12:07

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

He knew she had the dog, knew the living arrangements and chose to move in. Now he's trying to change everything around and giving ultimatums - and she's refused to give in good for her. He was not happy with her spending on her dog's food rather than his kids? Sounds like he thought he could use her home, her money and get more custody of his kids.

Do you realise what an arsehole you made him sound? She's well rid of him. If you do not want him back at yours he will have to look for a room elsewhere.

vodkaredbullgirl · 27/10/2023 12:07

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:05

He absolutely does support his kids! He's a great dad, which is why he wants them to come and be able to live with him. He pays a fortune in maitenance to their mum, there just isn't then enough left for him to do treats like the cinema or even a Macdonalds when they come to visit him and he wants them to have a nice time. The credit card debt is a hangover from their relationship when they had a new kitchen- so again it is him supporting his kids and the mother of his children.

I can't believe that you are all saying that you would be happy to see your kids go without whilst an animal gets spoilt rotten! It's not about him being a 'cocklodger' she knew he had kids when he moved in- so I don't know why the idea that they have a room is so baffling? The dog wont know the difference of where it sleeps.

He loves his GF very much, he's devestated at the thought the relationship might be over. He just cant get passed the resentment of the dog. I had hoped for some advice on that, or helping them reach a compromise as another poster has said this is definetly dogsnet.

Show quote history

He knew she had a dog when he moved in.

DriftingDora · 27/10/2023 12:08

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

Oh, for heaven's sake listen to yourself. It can grate on Dear Bro all he likes, but IT ISN'T ANY OF HIS BUSINESS, so tough. She can do what she likes with her own money. Perhaps if he sorted himself out a bit he'd be able to accomodate his kids?

The girlfriend is totally right. The dog came first - and (a) the dog probably doesn't like your brother, so that makes it equal and (b) at least the dog doesn't whinge and try to tell her how to spend her money, unlike Dear Bro.

Tonight1 · 27/10/2023 12:08

@missblooming I wouldn't even want to be a dog owner. But it's the girlfriend's dog and the children aren't hers. She's certainly not responsible for his debt.

Hopefully they can reach a compromise but he is not respecting her at present. Her place, her dog, not her children or debt

rougechaotic · 27/10/2023 12:08

errmmm... buying dog food for the dog that she had before she even met your brother instead of paying off his debt is not unreasonable in the slightest. Expecting her to pay off his debt is pretty unbelievable. If this were being told from the other side (ie. her side) MN would definitely be advising LTB!

Dontcallmescarface · 27/10/2023 12:08

The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without.

Well who's fault is that if the children go without??? I suggest your brother gets off his lazy arse and provide for his own children rather than expect someone else to.

I really don't want him moving back in here,

So if you don't want him, why the heck do you expect somebody who has no relation to his kids or, indeed him, to pick up the slack then?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/10/2023 12:09

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:05

He absolutely does support his kids! He's a great dad, which is why he wants them to come and be able to live with him. He pays a fortune in maitenance to their mum, there just isn't then enough left for him to do treats like the cinema or even a Macdonalds when they come to visit him and he wants them to have a nice time. The credit card debt is a hangover from their relationship when they had a new kitchen- so again it is him supporting his kids and the mother of his children.

I can't believe that you are all saying that you would be happy to see your kids go without whilst an animal gets spoilt rotten! It's not about him being a 'cocklodger' she knew he had kids when he moved in- so I don't know why the idea that they have a room is so baffling? The dog wont know the difference of where it sleeps.

He loves his GF very much, he's devestated at the thought the relationship might be over. He just cant get passed the resentment of the dog. I had hoped for some advice on that, or helping them reach a compromise as another poster has said this is definetly dogsnet.

Show quote history

And he knew she had a dog when he moved in.

If your brother wants the children to have the room without the dog then he should compromise and allow the dog back to it's previous space sleeping in the same room as his GF.

She has compromised so far. Where exactly has your brother compromised?

Houseplantmad · 27/10/2023 12:09

You/he seem to be placing a lot of unfair responsibility on her eg facilitating contact for his family in her home, downgrading the food she gives her dog to make him feel better, accommodating his children in her spare room etc.
As others have said, best for him to move out and see if the relationship is for him after that. It seems it’s one of convenience, all his, at the moment.

CirceIsMyHomegirl · 27/10/2023 12:09

Honestly, your brother doesn't have a leg to stand on. He sounds pathetic and your attitude is encouraging him to blame everyone else for his own bad decisions.
Claiming he's a good dad because he pays maintenance us ridiculous - doing to absolute minimum isn't evidence of being good.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 27/10/2023 12:09

This is hilarious. You’re only getting involved as you don’t want him moving back in with you.

He now doesn’t have the cosy set up for his kids to visit . Not the girlfriends issue that’s his. You’re basically saying she should get rid of the dog so he can see HIS kids. Not her problem is it?

That dog will be 100 per cent better for her than getting involved in your family.