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Original poster

How can my brother salvage this situation

1000 replies

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

OP posts:
DisquietintheRanks · 27/10/2023 11:49

The really obvious answer to all this is that he gets his own place. Then they can carry on their relationship without the friction bw his children and her dog.

Strange it's not occurred to him.

KateyCuckoo · 27/10/2023 11:50

He sounds like such a catch.

No where to live.

Debt.

Children he can't support.

Hates her dog.

Emotionally immature.

Can't for the life of me think why she's not begging for him to come back!

LimePi · 27/10/2023 11:50

So your brother finally found some woman who agreed to take him in, hoped that off the back of her labour (seeing that can’t afford his own place) he will be rebuilding a relationship with his kids (lucky woman!) and then immediately started making demands? The kids don’t like sleeping in the dog room and instead if being grateful there IS a separate room for his kids he decided to make an ultimatum? And you also think it’s ok?

you are one thick and entitled family…

Beamur · 27/10/2023 11:50

Good luck to your brother in finding new digs.
Maybe he needs a bit of time to reflect on his behaviour here. He's been a selfish entitled prick.
The ex gf is not his meal ticket to financial security and live in childcare. Good for her in turfing him out.

LaurieStrode · 27/10/2023 11:51

Beamur · 27/10/2023 11:50

Good luck to your brother in finding new digs.
Maybe he needs a bit of time to reflect on his behaviour here. He's been a selfish entitled prick.
The ex gf is not his meal ticket to financial security and live in childcare. Good for her in turfing him out.

Well said!!

aSofaNearYou · 27/10/2023 11:51

The dog is a red herring here. The real issue is that he expects her to pay for his kids and his debt.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/10/2023 11:51

I'd Love to hear the children's mums side of the story. (Wondering if it's mothers plural)

viques · 27/10/2023 11:51

Her house, her dog, her rules. It is not her responsibility to provide for his children. He knew about the dog, and was initially perfectly happy to let his kids have the dogs room. If he now says he doesn’t like the arrangement then there is no need to end the relationship, all he has to do is find and fund his own accommodation for his children instead of expecting someone else to provide for them.

payriseday · 27/10/2023 11:51

😂 If this is genuine the GF is well rid of both of you.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/10/2023 11:52

TeeBee · 27/10/2023 11:25

She's not being unreasonable, she's running her house and her life as she sees fit. You brother has moved in with her yet he (and you) expect her to change her set up to accommodate him and his kids. Not her circus, not her monkeys. I can see why she's asked him to leave.

Absolutely this. If you say it’s me or the dog, be prepared to pack your bags, lol. He’s not coming across well here, and neither are you.

Tonight1 · 27/10/2023 11:52

Does he work fulltime?

PrimalOwl10 · 27/10/2023 11:52

Shes putting herself and her dog first. She's not there to provide living armaments for your dbro and neice and nephew so he can get joint custody I assume to avoid maintenence payments. He sounds like a cocklodger and she's well rid.

notlucreziaborgia · 27/10/2023 11:52

ColleenDonaghy · 27/10/2023 11:45

Neither of them are unreasonable (except if he thinks she should somehow be supporting his children!), they just have different priorities that can't be reconciled.

I don't like dogs, so there's no way on earth I'd be moving in with someone whose dog slept on their bed! She's made some accommodations, but isn't willing to make more which is fair enough. He isn't happy with them, which is also fair enough - especially if it means his DC don't have somewhere comfortable to sleep.

It's a shame but it is what it is. He needs to prioritise getting himself sorted so that he can parent his children without depending on a new partner to do so. She needs to decide whether the dog is worth sacrificing this and future relationships for - she may well feel it is, and that's her call to make.

Edited

You can remove the dog from the equation entirely and she still wouldn’t be wrong to fuck this guy off straight back where he came from.

He’s an adult man saddled with debt and incapable of financially supporting and housing himself. On top of that he’s got two kids he expects her to contribute towards. Despite all this, he really thought he was in a position to dictate terms and conditions.

SomeCatFromJapan · 27/10/2023 11:52

So he wants her to starve her dog so he can take his children to the cinema? What a prince.

Stresa22 · 27/10/2023 11:52

The entitlement is strong in your family.

ColleenDonaghy · 27/10/2023 11:53

Christ I reread it and he really does expect the new girlfriend to support his debt and his children. Good on her for not budging.

Maybe don't let him move back in OP, he doesn't sound like the most agreeable housemate.

Workawayxx · 27/10/2023 11:53

It's her money - why wouldn't she buy food for her dog rather than cinema tickets for his kids?! Why can't he buy the cinema tickets? Whether his kids live with him or can go to the cinema or whatever else they need is your brothers responsibility and not for his GF to fork out for.

It sounds like your brother is too fixated on how she can help him and his kids and he needs to consider her needs/wants too. It's should be a partnership not a one way street. Presumably her and the dog were happily living together when your brother came along. He needs to move out and build his own life for him and his DC not look to her to fix things for all of them. The dog is a red herring and not the real issue here.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 27/10/2023 11:53

Why would her home enable him to have shared custody ?
Who's credit card debt ?
From your post he sounds like a c* Lodger tbf... and a bit of a controlling one at that unless your wording is off ? It seems his gf has been living her life with her dog she's now opened up her space to your brother and his 2 kids ( a big change in itself ) and is being told get rid of the dog ? Who's money pays for the dog food ? Do both work ? Both pay rent ? If he genuinely gave her an ultimatumn then it should be game over

PoppyFleur · 27/10/2023 11:53

Beamur · 27/10/2023 11:50

Good luck to your brother in finding new digs.
Maybe he needs a bit of time to reflect on his behaviour here. He's been a selfish entitled prick.
The ex gf is not his meal ticket to financial security and live in childcare. Good for her in turfing him out.

This, 💯% this. Your brother’s predicament is due to life choices. It’s time for him to grow up!

ColleenDonaghy · 27/10/2023 11:54

notlucreziaborgia · 27/10/2023 11:52

You can remove the dog from the equation entirely and she still wouldn’t be wrong to fuck this guy off straight back where he came from.

He’s an adult man saddled with debt and incapable of financially supporting and housing himself. On top of that he’s got two kids he expects her to contribute towards. Despite all this, he really thought he was in a position to dictate terms and conditions.

Show quote history

Yeah just posted to say I reread the OP. He sounds fairly awful tbh. Good luck to her.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/10/2023 11:54

Tonight1 · 27/10/2023 11:52

Does he work fulltime?

Doubt it

PlaidShirt · 27/10/2023 11:54

Wow. So it’s up to either you or the gf to ensure your brother has a roof over his head and a place fit to host his kids, and to provide the cash to look after them and treat them.

His gf, and her dog, should run a mile.

Bethany7 · 27/10/2023 11:55

so should she not feed her dog and use the money instead to pay HIS debt.
Surely this is a reverse as any dog owner would agree that their dog would come first.

BryceQuinlan · 27/10/2023 11:56

Good for her. Glad she managed to get rid of this waster. She's better off out of it and away from all of you.

dothehokeycokey · 27/10/2023 11:56

@missblooming

So he's moved in with partner?

Meaning he has money as he's not funding everything alone?

She accepted his kids so he has to accept her dog.

If she spends £80 on a bag of dog food what's that got to do with him paying off HIS debts?

He obviously lived with you and had previous debt that he was paying off?

Your enabling his behaviour here op

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