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Original poster

How can my brother salvage this situation

1000 replies

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 27/10/2023 17:32

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

They. Are. Not. Her. KIDS!!

Your brother sounds jealous, spiteful and controlling.

The more you tell, the clearer it is that the GF has dodged a bullet!

AcrossthePond55 · 27/10/2023 17:32

I was hoping against hope the OP would come back with a huge 'rebuttal'.

But I have a feeling that she is running away so fast and so far from this thread that she'll soon surface on MY side of the pond. Probably looking for some gullible female who's not on MN.

comingintomyown · 27/10/2023 17:33

It might be reasonable to ask if the dog can sleep in the kitchen occasionally if those DC aren’t keen, this strikes me as a fair request in a live in relationship.
As to the rest of it I agree with everything being said, it’s none of his business what she spends on her dog and even if there were no dog in the picture why would she be subbing your DB for ANY reason ?

AllstarFacilier · 27/10/2023 17:34

She’s not being unreasonable. She had the dog first, he’s made an ultimatum and he’s not liked the answer. It doesn’t matter how much she spends on the dog, it’s not her debt and it’s not her problem that he has debt and he can’t take his kids out.

Est1990 · 27/10/2023 17:36

"I really don't want him moving back in here"

Not even yourself want him back🤣🤭

ihavebecomecomfortablynumb · 27/10/2023 17:36

#teamdog

Sebsaloysius · 27/10/2023 17:36

"How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable"

You can't. Because she isn't. End of!

MsRosley · 27/10/2023 17:37

OP, have you even tried to look at it from his girlfriend's point of view? Until they're married, and agree to joint finances, she can spend her money on whatever she likes. Why should it be on her partner's children? She's not obliged to bankroll his life for him.

It is totally unreasonable to move into someone's home, start objecting to her pet, and bitch about how she spends her money. You and your brother sound very entitled, and controlling. You don't seem to have any respect for other people or their lives.

AutumnLeaves333 · 27/10/2023 17:37

I’m imagining this ex gf at home right now cuddling her giant dog in bed and feeling so relieved about finally throwing this manipulative, whiny, cocklodger out with no idea that entire if mumsnet blew up defending her 🤣 Hope she knows she made the right decision!

forrestgreen · 27/10/2023 17:37

So you want him to be able to dictate how his gf spends her money.

She should use her available cash to treat him kids.

He should pay his ex maintenance. That's what happens. It sounds like he wants a cushy place where he can apply for 50/50 and not pay any maintenance. And the gf can act as mum and spend her money on the kids with no dog.

I think she's got her head screwed on tbh. Seen him for the chancer he is.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 27/10/2023 17:38

He ought to be ashamned he is complaining of her expenditures. It is not his business or his money.

ToTheMoonandBack2xRoundthesun · 27/10/2023 17:38

The kids are your brothers responsibility not his gf.
Her dog her house. Her rules. He knew she had a dog. Would he like it if she said no to his kids visiting?
You need to butt out. He's an adult. It's his relationship. Leave him to it.
He shouldn't be getting involved with someone and expecting her to sacrifice her money time and rooms in her home to accommodate him. Tell him to clear his debt, and grow up and stop depending on women to solve his problems. Honestly this infuriates me. 🙄

AnotherForumUser · 27/10/2023 17:39

Frankly if his ex girlfriend had a pet vibrator called Colin with its own room that would be no fucking business of yours or your grifter of a brother. That you actually believe his girlfriend who was generous to move him in, allow his children to stay, move her dog from her bedroom to another room is wrong shows everyone here just how these cock-lodgers are made. Useless family members who expect everyone else stump up and obey the demands of a useless parent who found himself single (I wonder why the children's mother got rid of him). The ex girlfriend (who he was only with for 6 months) is well rid of your entire grifting family. You helped to enable this man. You suck it up and house/feed/pay for him and his children.

ButWhatIsIt · 27/10/2023 17:40

Your brother sounds like a male version of a gold digger.
He thought he'd found a woman to house him, feed him, pay his debts and finance his kids, along with laying his law down.
Thankfully she realised this herself it seems before it went any further. Good for her for giving him the boot.
Team dog here.

Fanlover1122 · 27/10/2023 17:41

I genuinely don’t understand - why is it her respn to help finance his kids. It’s his and the woman that birthed them.

I mean, he is taking the piss out of the GF....hopefully she kicks him to the kerb and meets someone that can look after themselves and their kids.

AnotherForumUser · 27/10/2023 17:41

StaunchMomma · 27/10/2023 17:32

They. Are. Not. Her. KIDS!!

Your brother sounds jealous, spiteful and controlling.

The more you tell, the clearer it is that the GF has dodged a bullet!

Show quote history

I reckon the OP is also jealous, spiteful and controlling. How dare a woman have her own home, her own dog, her own money and her own boundaries. The vile traits run strong in this family.

CaravaggiosCat · 27/10/2023 17:42

Oh dear...what have I just read?
She should get him out ASAP, continue the relationship if need be but that living situation is not going to benefit her what so ever.
He sounds like a human sponge.

WimpoleHat · 27/10/2023 17:45

Until they're married, and agree to joint finances, she can spend her money on whatever she likes. Why should it be on her partner's children? She's not obliged to bankroll his life for him.

This is it on a nutshell. Look - I bloody hate dogs and I wouldn’t live in a house with one if you paid me to - but that’s me and his girlfriend is clearly very different. And she’s allowed to be; it’s her dog and her house and her money. And she doesn’t have to put your brother and his kids before any of that if she doesn’t want to. So she’s not being unreasonable at all.

HomeatRoseCottage · 27/10/2023 17:46

If he has moved in with her then he’s the one being unreasonable for expecting her to change the way she looks after a dog she already had. If he really can’t accept that it’s the way things are, she’s right - they’re not compatible and they can’t live together.

It sounds like your brother had had a hard time but it’s not his girlfriend’s job to put her own needs aside to facilitate him getting custody of his kids or sorting his life out. He needs to manage those things independently.

ichifanny · 27/10/2023 17:47

Your brother needs to get his own place , the dog was their first . Her money isn’t his business either since he’s living in her house . Does he even pay her rent ? I’m assuming not by the sounds of it .

Daveismyhero · 27/10/2023 17:51

£80 is actually a reasonable price for a bag of dog food for a large breed.
If the dog is sleeping in the bedroom buy actually just sleeping and not being a pest I don't really see the issue. It's her place and the dog was there first

StaunchMomma · 27/10/2023 17:52

AnotherForumUser · 27/10/2023 17:41

I reckon the OP is also jealous, spiteful and controlling. How dare a woman have her own home, her own dog, her own money and her own boundaries. The vile traits run strong in this family.

Show quote history

Imagine switching your beloved pet to shite food so your other half can use the saved money to feed his kids shite food.

I mean, WT actual!!

TheBabylonian · 27/10/2023 17:52

The brother is an arse.

He should realise that the dog is as important to her as his kids are to him.

Maybe the kids should sleep in the kitchen?

Olindia · 27/10/2023 17:53

I hope she sticks to it, I split up with an ex over my cat and it was the best thing I ever did looking back.

Densol57 · 27/10/2023 17:53

He sounds like my ex. An absolute ponce. A complete taker. God Im so glad I kicked him out.
He has now latched onto someone else in her lovely home. Hopefully she’ll see past his looks too

I hope your brothers gf gets rid of him too. The man child needs to stand on his own two feet and support his own children on his own, not ponce a home to house his kids.
How disgraceful expecting her to pay off his debts. Does the man have no shame !

He even has you fighting his corner. Totally pathetic

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