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Original poster

How can my brother salvage this situation

1000 replies

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

OP posts:
sandybeach12 · 27/10/2023 17:54

She can spend her money as she wishes!

His kids are not her responsibility!

End of!

SpoonerChasm · 27/10/2023 17:56

His girlfriend has dodged a bullet and you sound like youre worried he is going to become your problem again.

LorW · 27/10/2023 17:57

£80 for a sack of decent dog food is actually reasonable, most people choose the best food they can afford for their pets. You can’t just change a dogs diet Willy nilly and she shouldn’t bloody have to. Pure entitlement on your brothers part. Just like him and the kids came as a package, her and the dog did, your brother knew what he was getting himself into 😉

Hayliebells · 27/10/2023 17:57

She's not being unreasonable, your DB's priorities just aren't his GF's priorities, and they aren't compatible with living together. They haven't been living together long, so it's not unsurprising that this has happened. Sometimes things just don't work out and you only realise the problems with the relationship when you've been living together a few months. His only hope of salvaging anything is probably to apologise, and suggest that they live apart, but continue to see each other. She might just not be that into him anymore though, which given she's (quite understandably) chosen the dog over him, is quite likely.

WeaselCheeks · 27/10/2023 17:58

I wonder if, when she compromised by moving her dog out of the bedroom, he took that as a sign that she'd be more malleable and he could start taking the piss more. Glad she's proved him wrong.

adriftinadenofvipers · 27/10/2023 17:58

The funniest aspect is, that even the OP doesn't want him living with her!! But that's why she is so invested!

Riola · 27/10/2023 18:01

He sounds like my ex. An absolute ponce. A complete taker. God Im so glad I kicked him out.
He has now latched onto someone else in her lovely home. Hopefully she’ll see past his looks too

I can imagine this will be her brothers MO too. He’ll soon be on the hunt for a new girlfriend to sponge off.

If he’s on the dating apps he should add to his profile “ must be prepared to subsidise my children and not over spend on their own hobbies /pets”

And although he is happy enough to have a woman pay for his kids, something tells me he wouldn’t move in with a woman with kids unless she was a high earner.

YoYoYo8eech · 27/10/2023 18:03

😂😂
This cannot be real surely. Thanks for a good laugh though OP. Some of these responses are just pure gold. And 99.99% of them are bang on the money. He has no right to dictate how she spends her money.

Just in case this is real...

For the love of God tell your DB to never get involved with a horse owning woman. He would give himself a stroke within five minutes 😂

Can't spell for laughing obvs.

runningonberocca · 27/10/2023 18:05

It’s not unfair!! It’s her money which she is choosing to spend on her dog and not your freeloading brother!
Its not her role to subsidise him and pay for HIS children who he can’t afford to support.
How dare he? He needs to grow up, get his own place and finance himself and his kids.
I’m very glad she doesn’t have children- how would he have felt about her spending money on them?!

StaunchMomma · 27/10/2023 18:06

For the love of God tell your DB to never get involved with a horse owning woman. He would give himself a stoke within five minutes 😂

Howling!

Absolute facts!

sugarrosepetal · 27/10/2023 18:06

So what you're saying OP is that your brother has moved in with this girl six months ago and now wants to change all her living arrangements and finances to suit him? 😆 you and him are the unreasonable ones. The children are his responsibility, not hers.

If she spends £80 on her dog with her money, it is not his to spend on his children or to dictate how she spends her own money either.

Your brother at best sounds like a cocklodger but at worst could be an abuser (financial abuse, emotional abuse and coercive control).

The girl is best off binning him.

Hayliebells · 27/10/2023 18:06

Also, why on earth should the GF not spend whatever she likes on appropriate dog food? The GF doesn't need to contribute anything to providing for the children, or helping your DB clear his credit card debts. Those are his responsibilities alone, and she can spend whatever she likes on her dog, or anything else. I can't believe that you and your DB even think that his debts and inability to provide for his children are even vaguely relevant to what she spends on dog food. She's probably seen that for the massive red flag that it is, and decided that she's better off without him, financially and otherwise.

NoraBattysCurlers · 27/10/2023 18:08

My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog

So many more women in this situation could do with a huge dog.

lto2019 · 27/10/2023 18:12

SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname · 27/10/2023 16:29

It's very kind of the girlfriend to let your brother stay till the end of the month. I just hope she makes him sleep in the dog bed.

or the kitchen!

LakieLady · 27/10/2023 18:13

She's NBU. A dog is for life, and all that. Your DB shouldn't have moved in if he wasn't happy with the dog sleeping wherever it slept, the cost of its food etc.

When I had my dogs, I would have put them before a new partner, every time.

TerfTalking · 27/10/2023 18:14

Omg, been out this afternoon, come back to the thread. Pages and pages and pages of YABU and tumbleweed where the OP exited……

mouldyfalafel · 27/10/2023 18:17

This thread is hilarious. None of it makes sense.

Spending money on a good quality dog food is apparently shockingly wasteful (according to OP), but him getting into massive debt over a new kitchen is perfectly understandable.

He wants the dog to eat cheap, rubbish food so he can buy his kids equally cheap, rubbish food

The OP describes him as wonderful, and yet for some inexplicable reason doesnt want him living with her again

He's paying a "fortune" in maintenance to his ex but cant even afford a happy meal

He's lecturing/judging/scolding his GF on her spending habits when he's staying in a house paid for by her, and he's in debt up to his eyeballs, he cant afford his own place and has been couch surfing

He's fixated on her dog being his main problem in life whilst conveniently ignoring the fact he cant afford to feed his own children and he has no place of his own to live.

😂😂😂

Wnfatt22 · 27/10/2023 18:18

’Dogsnet’ 🤣🤣 come off it. This is the most anti-dog place on the internet and still most are on the GF (& dogs) side here! It says a lot 🤷🏼‍♀️

TicTacNicNak · 27/10/2023 18:18

I wish the GF would come on the thread and give her side of things. I bet she has a tale to tell.

mn29 · 27/10/2023 18:22

Much as I hate how this country has become dog-obsessed, it’s her choice if she wants to put the dog above her relationship - it obviously wasn’t as important to her as her dog is and so
she hasn’t done anything wrong. Your brother’s debt has nothing to do with her and she can spend her money how she wishes (assuming she pays her share of household expenses and they don’t have a ‘what’s mine is yours’ policy) - it’s unreasonable of him to think otherwise.

namechangnancy · 27/10/2023 18:22

StaunchMomma · 27/10/2023 18:06

For the love of God tell your DB to never get involved with a horse owning woman. He would give himself a stoke within five minutes 😂

Howling!

Absolute facts!

This has me absolutely cackling- the farrier costs alone would have ops DB howling.

I'm also rather pleased that the consensus has been that gf has been reasonable and is keeping the dog and getting rid of the block.

The fact ops db is getting hard done by that she's spending her own money on dog food, to pay for her dog but instead op and her dh expects girlfriend to pay for treats for his children which he can't afford (due to his own choices) 😂 because that's what happens when you get with a man with kids.

Shows how this man came to have these expectations. A narrative the family seem to have encouraged.

So glad the gf is keeping the dog.

ButWhatIsIt · 27/10/2023 18:29

If you're so concerned about the kids going without cinema treats etc, then why don't YOU pay for them op?
After all, you expect another woman to.

MagentaRocks · 27/10/2023 18:30

Her money, her dog. His children, his responsibility.

she had the dog before, why should she get rid of it to feed another persons child, or pay their debt. They are in a relatively new relationship. She has no rights or responsibility towards his children. I have 2 dogs, I spoil them because I can afford to and want to. She can spend as much on her dog as she likes. It is not up to your DB what she spends her money on, nor is it up to her to pay for treats for his children.

If he is paying a fortune in maintenance then he should go through the CMS and see what he is meant to pay if he is that bothered about it. He has credit card debt from his previous relationship and you think his GF should pay that for him, for his ex to benefit from.

It is clear both are on completely different pages on this so it did need to end.

Lulu1919 · 27/10/2023 18:30

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

But they are not her children
They are his children

DarkDarkNight · 27/10/2023 18:31

I don’t think she is being unreasonable. She had the dog first and he knew that. It’s not your brother’s partner’s responsibility to help him get joint custody.

Maybe he should get his life together and then start dating. Her buying food for her dog has nothing to do with his credit card debt or inability to pay for cinema tickets. Is he contributing equally to the household?

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