To think SIL should make the decision herself and give me a firm answer?

[HauntedGusset]

I'll try and keep it short.

SIL (single parent) wants to go and view a house for a possible exchange tomorrow, and DN (7 and home educated) said she didn't want to go. I said I'd look after DN. This means taking a day off work, but as I'm self employed this is do-able if necessary and I want to support SIL. So I haven't scheduled any work for tomorrow. I messaged SIL last night asking what time she would drop DN off and she replied saying DN thinks she might want to go after all and she would let me know tomorrow morning. I said this wasn't ideal as I didn't really want to take a day off work for no reason (I'm a gardener, so can't just turn up without arranging with clients in advance) so could she let me know by this evening please.

SIL sent me this reply overnight... "I'm sorry but I can't give you the answer you want right now. I won't know until it's time to leave whether DN is coming with me or not, she can't decide and we will see how she feels in the morning. You said you'd look after her so if you aren't going to stick to your word and want to go to work instead, just say so and I'll know not to rely on you again". DN doesn't have any SEN etc, but SIL has a parenting philosophy that children should make their own decisions about pretty much everything. Up to her, of course, but this is making me really frustrated as whilst I'm happy to take a day off to look after DN I'm not happy to be in limbo til it's too late for me to do anything else - I'm not well off, taking the day off is a favour to SIL because I want to help her out, but not something I want to do if it isn't actually necessary. I think under the circumstances SIL should tell DN what is happening not wait for her to decide last minute. She's welcome to centre everything round the whims of a 7 yr old but it's not really fair to impose that on other people who have offered to help her!

AIBU here?

Who the hell lets a 7yo call the shots?

This!

Does your SIL understand your situation with work and why you need her to give you at least a day's notice? If not, explain the specifics of it to her. If she still won't commit, you need to decide if you want to give up a days work or not. I would probably let things play out but would not oblige her again on a work day.

I'd think twice about offering your kind help again.
SL needs to start acting like the adult & tell her DD what she's doing, not expecting you to wait on a capricious child"s whim.

I was a single parent from when my DD was 2 until she was 7. I would never have asked this if my siblings. Cheeky as fuck. Your sister is a piss taker

Imagine putting yourself out to help someone and them being that much of a dick in return!

What an absolute cheek! Pretty sure you could do without any of this hassle.I would never offer again.If she asks again, maybe say, being self employed, you can’t afford to lose any of your clients by taking time off and having to cause them inconvenience.

I’m afraid if there are ‘difficult circumstances’ then she, as the mother needs to say to her little angle….. hey we are viewing the house, get your shoes on!!
what an idiotic way people raise kids these days…. What happens when her child doesn’t fancy going to a dentist appointment 10 minutes beforehand ?? Does she just cancel and pay the fine?!…

Think it is unreasonable to have to take time off work when she’s 7 and can easily walk round a house viewing and behave accordingly. Why should that financially impact you.

SIL attitude is also disgusting. I would be directly telling her so when she speaks to you like that.

“I am giving up a day of work which costs me money so I can help you out. I don’t get paid time off. If I don’t have her I can work. As you can’t let me know I will now be going to work. It isn’t fair to me to let me know last minute when I’m moving stuff around to help. Tell her she’s coming to me and I will take the time off but doing it last minute isn’t fair on me. If you can’t see that, I agree, we shouldn’t have me help in future.”

SIL is a dick

dont offer again

You are a very kind person and your sil is taking advantage of you. I understand you want to help, but giving in now opens the door to many more days of not-working and seeing if DN needs you - or maybe not. There might be a reason for the difficult circumstances that require your sil to move........Some people can't be helped.

Just another example of a spoilt brat clashing with reasonable people in the real world, it really doesn’t do them any good bringing them up like this.