For stopping schizophrenic uncle from seeing newborn?

[Emily19932]

Hi
My newborn daughters uncle (her dads brother) is schizophrenic. He has been hospitalised for the past 2 years in psychiatric ward but he is now allowed out every Saturdays under the observation of his mum. He has to be in hospital full time as his anti psychotic medication is injected. He hears voices and often talks to himself and about spirits etc.

A few months ago when he came home he pushed his mum down the stairs which put her in hospital as “the voices told him to” he also pulled a kitchen knife out on his brother again because the voices told him to. He will often talk to himself and when asked who he is talking to he will say the voices. He sent me a very nasty text a few weeks ago telling me to kill myself, I messaged him back asking why on earth he’d say that and he said and I quote “sorry that wasn’t me, the man in my head wrote that I’m really sorry I hope you’re ok”

Please don’t get me wrong I understand schizophrenia is a serious mental illness and that this is not his fault, but even so I feel like he could pose a very real risk to newborn daughter and that he could suddenly turn on the flick of a switch. When he has had episodes it’s as if he develops super human strength so if he was to do something I don’t believe his mum, dad or brother could stop him because he is so strong in these episodes and is very large stature wise.

My partner (her dad) is in the marines and he’s currently not in the country. His mum has been having the baby for the day on Saturdays. She’s recently asked if it’s ok if uncle see’s her this coming Saturday as he has day release. I’ve told her due to his past actions I don’t want him to but when or if he starts getting better I am happy for him to. He is clearly not better hence the text he sent me the other day. I am very terrified that if he is in the same place as my daughter he could turn on her and try to harm her and his mum would be powerless to stop him.

Shes told me I am being unreasonable because he’d never hurt a child, I understand that in a sane state of mind he wouldn’t harm anybody but he’s already tried to harm his family because of these voices so what’s to say these voices won’t command him to harm my baby.

AIBU?

It's really horrible for your MIl. How sad would we all feel if our gorgeous little children grew up to have a severe mental illness.
Your baby's safety has to come first though and you need to be kind to her but absolutely firm about it.

A family friend was murdered by her schizophrenic son. Do not let this man anywhere near your daughter. Your job is to protect her and not protect his or his mothers sensitivities.

Good luck. It's a very tricky situation.

I personally wouldn't do a video call either. I think @LightDrizzle's post is the best on this thread.

This case below the man was assessed as being of little risk to women /his mother due to his previous pattern of offending. And yet shortly after his release he sadly murdered his mother because the voices in his head told him to rape her so he went with murder instead.

https://southwarknews.co.uk/area/peckham/learn-from-our-tragedy-family-of-loving-woman-killed-by-her-own-schizophrenic-son-tell-maudsley/

I find it surprising he was even allowed to move back in with his mother considering he had broken in to their neighbours and attacked them just before he was admitted to hospital. So I can imagine how scared they were when he was released and came straight back to his mums. He did end up attacking them again a few days after he was released but then Unfortunately for his mum, this time she was his next victim.

His family are blaming the hospital which is understandable, but I think we should all understand mental health professionals aren’t going to get it right every time and we must use our own judgment too. Their risk assessment is not a guarantee, hence it can not be relied on fully

I think family support etc is very important when someone is managing schizophrenia so tbh I'd try to include him in some way but I think as some others have suggested, a face time is probably a good way to do that if he can tolerate screens etc. It would be very unfair if you were saying no and his schizophrenia was well controlled and managed and it was purely because he had the diagnosis, but since its not well controlled at present and they're clearly still trying to make things more manageable for him, then I wouldn't be allowing an in person meeting either given his recent abusive and volatile behaviour. I think it's something you'll just need to keep under review and maybe send him some wee pictures etc. Ultimately its difficult because the last thing you want to do is exclude him because of an illness that's not his fault and it could take a very, very long time for him to feel more settled, but in this scenario your first priority is your child and their safety. The other alternative is visiting him in the hospital under staff supervision but ideally you may not want to bring a tiny baby into that environment either. I think face time and photos is your best bet for now. What does your partner say about this, have you been able to discuss it with him? If it's his mum and brother then tbh I think that conversation is best coming from him than you although I get that given his job it might be difficult for that chat to happen quickly.

My uncle was diagnosed with schizophrenia before I was born .
When my mum found out she was pregnant ( with me ) he chased her with a knife into the garden and she scaled a wall .
They were close siblings when they were younger . My mum was in the care system from 15 onwards . Tbh , she idolised her big brother but regardless ... We , as children , didn't have a relationship with him . She used to visit him in a psychiatric hospital and then in a supported accommodation complex for years .
He was eventually " rehoused " and was deemed safe within himself to attend hospital as an out patient to receive his medication via injection . Unsupported in his new housing he stopped attending his appointments and sadly took his own life within 12 months .
Mum was devastated... And we did attend the funeral of an uncle we never knew ( to support my mum ) . A very sad situation all round but never doubted my mum's ability to keep us safe .
Trust your instincts.... It may not be forever and hopefully there will be chance in the future . But for now ...it's a hard no x

There is no way I'd allow a baby or child in his presence as things stand. He's still dangerous, whether or not your family wants to admit it. I wouldn't feel safe with him, myself, to be completely honest!

As someone who works with people like your uncle it sounds like his medication is not working at present. Is his medication under review and is anyone aware of his recent behaviour..the knife and the stairs. I totally agree with you op. A video call maybe. Yanbu.

@Londonrach1 I suppose there are some people where meds still don't make the person particularly well, just maybe a bit better than they were before, but yes, you'dve thought they might be able to try/add in another med or up the dose.

I wouldn't be leaving my newborn with mil, especially if the bil is being released from hospital and has a history of violence towards family members.

hard no!

what if the voices in his head say to stab your child?

or to throw her on the floor when holding her?

absolutely not - would not be anywhere near my child!

Don’t people please others and let your baby become another awful statistic.

I think you can rest easy Op that every single person here has agreed with you. Hope it helps empower you to carry on standing up to MIL.

No way. Your priority is protecting your baby from POTENTIAL threats who cares who it offends