For stopping schizophrenic uncle from seeing newborn?

[Emily19932]

Hi
My newborn daughters uncle (her dads brother) is schizophrenic. He has been hospitalised for the past 2 years in psychiatric ward but he is now allowed out every Saturdays under the observation of his mum. He has to be in hospital full time as his anti psychotic medication is injected. He hears voices and often talks to himself and about spirits etc.

A few months ago when he came home he pushed his mum down the stairs which put her in hospital as “the voices told him to” he also pulled a kitchen knife out on his brother again because the voices told him to. He will often talk to himself and when asked who he is talking to he will say the voices. He sent me a very nasty text a few weeks ago telling me to kill myself, I messaged him back asking why on earth he’d say that and he said and I quote “sorry that wasn’t me, the man in my head wrote that I’m really sorry I hope you’re ok”

Please don’t get me wrong I understand schizophrenia is a serious mental illness and that this is not his fault, but even so I feel like he could pose a very real risk to newborn daughter and that he could suddenly turn on the flick of a switch. When he has had episodes it’s as if he develops super human strength so if he was to do something I don’t believe his mum, dad or brother could stop him because he is so strong in these episodes and is very large stature wise.

My partner (her dad) is in the marines and he’s currently not in the country. His mum has been having the baby for the day on Saturdays. She’s recently asked if it’s ok if uncle see’s her this coming Saturday as he has day release. I’ve told her due to his past actions I don’t want him to but when or if he starts getting better I am happy for him to. He is clearly not better hence the text he sent me the other day. I am very terrified that if he is in the same place as my daughter he could turn on her and try to harm her and his mum would be powerless to stop him.

Shes told me I am being unreasonable because he’d never hurt a child, I understand that in a sane state of mind he wouldn’t harm anybody but he’s already tried to harm his family because of these voices so what’s to say these voices won’t command him to harm my baby.

AIBU?

YANBU about the BiL, but I’m slightly surprised your newborn goes to Grandma’s all day Saturday. How “newborn” exactly is she? @Emily19932

Completely understand your situation, I also have a family member with schizophrenia. They’re doing a lot better now so did come to see my baby but if baby was born at the time they were hospitalised and still getting episodes then absolutely not.

Its very high risk as does take just a moment to turn and may not get any warning signs. 100% correct OP imo.

If your BIL is home under MIL observation every Saturday then she simply cannot have your baby on Saturdays any more.

I had a friend with schizophrenia. He was a gentle and kind man, but when unwell he attacked a police officer and other violent behaviour. I had a small baby and he turned up at my door- very obviously unwell. I fobbed him off and called his case worker, who told me absolutely not to let him in or to have him near my baby, as he wasn’t in control of his actions.
It wasn’t his fault, it was the illness, but I needed to protect my baby and it was also important to protect him from doing something that he would deeply regret when he was feeling better.

Stuipd comparison.

I would not let MIL have the baby on days he visited.

Why are you sending your "newborn" baby to her grandma for the day on Saturdays given that is also the day that he has day release based on being in her custody? Or have I misunderstood your OP?

You're comparing cancer and schizophrenia, what?

How sad. In days of yore when we had a functioning health services we had psychiatric nurses who would visit schizophrenic patients and inject them in their own homes.

Certain types of cancer (brain cancer, especially if frontal lobe tumour) ARE considered a safeguarding risk, and you can be referred to social services/MASH for exactly that. Anything where there is a brain alteration, injury or disorder that may cause unpredictable violence is a risk to a tiny baby and they will expect you to manage that risk by removing them!

It's a shame he's not well enough right now but it is what it is.

How can you possibly compare the two FFS 🤦🏻‍♀️

If you're not comfortable with it then you're not comfortable with it. That's fine. You're mum.

The video call might be a good suggestion if you wanted to.

Cancer of what? Does the cancer have any impact on his behaviour?

Violence not schizophrenia is your problem.

A lot of illnesses do pose risks to others - Cancer might not be catching, Ebola is. In the same way, most schizophrenics are completely safe to be around but a very few aren’t.

What an absolutely ridiculous comment!

But he’s not well, and cancer doesn’t make someone psychotic. Not a great analogy!

Your MIL is totally unreasonable. 1) you can't say what anyone would do 2) even if that was true, he could attack her (again!!) as she was holding the baby. It must be very unsettling for her, but it's not worth the risk. And you're being reasonable by saying when he's better. I think a video call as someone else suggested is a good compromise. Does she look after your child without you there, or is it a visit? I don't know now if I would trust her not to go against your wishes.

And those tend to be the ones who have to stay in hospital.

Abolutely not. I know of someone who killed a close family member while having a psychotic episode. It's absolutely not worth the risk and your mother-in-law is being naive to think it'll be OK for him to visit.

It's a horrible situation to be in for everyone, especially your poor BIL, but if there has been a history of violent/endangering behaviour then I understand your feelings. It would be unreasonable if his illness had never caused him to behave in that way, but as it has I think it's justifiable.

Forget the baby. YOU shouldn’t be around him. If he was stable then sure but then you wouldn’t be asking - you’re asking because he’s not stable.

his mum is in denial. SHE is not safe around him right now.

This would be a hard no for me. It wouldn’t even be a consideration.

What does your DH say about it all? Out of curiosity.

The safeguarding risk is far too high. There have been very recents events that could have resulted in MILs death.

I would also stop MIL having baby especially unsupervised as her judgement is very concerning and would also be a safeguarding risk. Huge red flags from her. She is also trying to bully you a bit into agreeing! She cannot say he is safe to children, she cannot possibly know that.

The unit should surely be involved with any information that a child may be present? Surely it alters any agreement? Amazed MIL is still the safe person to supervise considering he recently pushed her down the stairs. Actually amazed he’s back to day release on a Saturday with such serious incidents.

Video call only. Keep your child safe. Everything can be revisited once he is stable, which he clearly is not at present.

If your MIL was able to be pushed down the stairs by your BIL, how does she think she can protect a newborn?

It was a stupid comment in general, but just to say, my first DH passed away with brain cancer. He was hospitalised a couple of months beforehand due to becoming violent. So brain tumours / potentially a cancer that has spread to the brain... yes, I would stop someone seeing my newborn if that was the effect their illness was having.

It’s not the name of the condition that would determine whether or not they had access - it is the behaviour of someone

and so yes - could be cancer if that was resulting in outbursts