To be worried DS will start school without being potty trained

[Doitproperly]

I’m becoming concerned for September.

DS just isn’t interested in potty training. He won’t tell you if he needs a wee or poo (not even sure if he knows) and refuses to sit on the potty. Feeling really embarrassed and like a bit of a failure. Not sure if anyone’s got any tips?

It’s a long time until September!
Easier said than done but try not to worry, he will get it when he’s ready .
I wouldn’t be trying during the winter unless he shows interest .
Wait until late Spring , early summer when he can run around with bare legs comfortably, it will be more relaxing for you both .
Changing cold wet clothes repeatedly in winter isn’t pleasant and is unlikely to inspire him .

You are not doing anything wrong and you are definitely not a failure .
Dont stress it will all come good ( I remember being so stressed for the same reason and now 🙄 at myself 🤦‍♀️)
They all get there in their own time .
Good luck !

Don’t worry, September is 11 months away. You still have plenty of time

i would have a break for a month or so then pock
a convenient time to “run out” of nappies. Have you tried bribing - chocolate button every time he uses the toilet or sticker chart towards a bigger prize?

Have you had a chat to the HV or GP?

I know it’s a wide spectrum, but it is quite late for not being trained at all and I’d want to investigate other reasons.

Not judging at all - DD is also going to school next year and had a period of lots of accidents over the summer. It turned out she had a UTI, which I’d never have guessed.

Will your DS be starting in the school nursery or in reception? How old will he be when he starts?

FWIW my DS is august born and started mornings in the school nursery 3 weeks after he turned 3. He was still in nappies until after Christmas. School were very understanding and he could survive in a pull up for a couple of hours. He still had a few accidents into reception.

He was just not interested in potty training, never wanted to miss out on what he was doing, always left it to the last minute etc etc. Couldn't be bribed or persauded. In fact, he was dry at night before he was properly dry in the day. I'm not sure there's much you can do except persevere, but I know the feeling of thinking he will never get there but he will!

I got ds a child's urinal that looked like a frogs head,it suctioned to the wall.
Standing up for a,wee like his dad was more fun.worth a try.

Assuming he has no SN, then you just need to start teaching him.

Even if he won’t tell you he needs to go, have you worked out if he recognises the sensation of needing to go?

You have nearly a year yet ,so.I wouldn't worry obviously but he did start in nappies its notbidesl.but it's not the end of the world and assuming there are no known special needs he would probably soon pick it up.

I don’t know how to teach him. I have no idea what to do now.

If you don't bother to toilet train him then I hope you'll be available to go into school every day to deal with his nappy, it's not reasonable to expect the staff to do your job.

That’s what people are going to think, isn’t it, that I am lazy and just can’t be bothered

Have you tried reading some books? I used oh crap potty training with both mine (I liked it but other methods exist) - I didn't wait until they were ready, I just stripped them naked waist down and as soon as I saw them start peeing I'd grab them and put them on the potty. It was a messy few days but then clicked. I don't believe in waiting until the child wants to do it.

Not at all OP, some people on mn are just so rude it baffles me. Apparently they all had perfect children.

You've got nearly a year, don't worry too much.

OP, there are lots of different methods so you need to choose one and stick to it. Personally, I think that "waiting for them to be ready" is over rated. It works for some children (eg my DC2 who decided she no longer wanted to wear nappies) but not others. I'm sure DC3 would have been in nappies for ages if I left it up to him! Just go cold turkey. Take off the nappies, take him to the potty / toilet regularly and expect lots of accidents for the first few days. He'll get the hang of it eventually.

I get what you’re saying with that but if they won’t cooperate I’m not sure how to force it.

DS won’t sit on the potty and wee / poo, can’t or won’t say he needs a wee or poo, just generally seems completely disengaged from the process.

don't worry, most of us didn't either 😂

Also, don't get upset by the "I potty trained my child at 6 months". Some people like to boast so much, their definition of potty-trained includes a lot of repeated accidents, because the child wasn't actually potty-trained at all and wasn't anywhere near ready.

3 years is a very reasonable age.

Buy a potty, buy a child-seat and steps for the adult toilet, take him to the loo or potty showing them to him asking if he needs to go.

If he's reluctant, leave a few weeks and start again.

Google the methods, there's a lot of good advice on line.

Its elevan months away so I doubt it will.come to.that but according to the ERIC guidelines leaving a child wet and or soiled to wait for a parent to come in to change them can be considered neglect.

Sorry the above was to @welshweasel

Have your tried him on the toilet. If he's starting school next September, there's a good chance the potty is too small and very uncomfortable. A previous posters suggestion of a child's urinal is also a good idea.

Have you had an attempt at toilet training? If you're just waiting until he tells you he's ready then you're never going to start.

It's a very long time until September! You have plenty of time. How old is he? Often it does take a long time but he will get it eventually. All children are different some just become dry at 2 but most children are older. It's not unusual for three year olds to not be fully toilet trained. Just be patient. But him some nice pants. Let him choose some. Have the potty always available make sure he knows what it is for and don't get too stressed about it

@bathrobeandpie we’ve tried. We’re all sick of the potty now I think!

How old is he? Is he in nursery or at home with you? There are lots of books, online guidance and the rest on potty training. Have you read any?

Easter is fine to start proper potty training for September entry assuming entry is to a school nursery. If he will be turning 5 in his first year of school that's pretty late.

Pants with favourite characters was a useful tool. Wee accidents can be washed but poo, collateral damage and into the bin. Watching your fav pants go in the bin was a bit of a motivating factor but they all have wee accidents well into school - they get very distracted and regress a bit.

How old is he now?

I don't believe in waiting until the child wants to do it.

it only means no mess, no accidents, and no stress. It's not a massive deal, it just makes your life easier.

People will even tell you that putting nappies on a newly potty trained child will take them backward. When they are ready, it won't. I put a nappy on all my kids before a long flight, for obvious reasons, you can't go to the potty at take-off. Didn't have any effect.

So we’ve got one of those potties that is like a toilet plus a toilet seat. Problem is potty training seems to rely on

a) I need a wee/poo

b) putting on toilet/potty and getting them to wee or poo

neither of which work

so how do I do it 😭

For my son we did it in tiny stages ( we are halfway but he is neurodiverse)
Step one lots of talking explaining about what we use the loo for, where it does, exactly just what does and doesn't go down it, how the potty relates to it. I mean everything. He knows about poos, wees, periods in child friendly language. Going in with us a lot. Both demonstrate sitting down wees and poos (even with his dad's wees)

Step two sitting fully clothed on potty.
Step two sitting in nappy on potty.
Step three sitting without nappy on potty no expectation of wee (long stage)
As above 'pretend wee'
Real wees on potty at set intervals (did in summer, much easier for everyone)
Absolutely no shaming for accidents. Heavily rewarded for boths sitting and wees. No mention of poos.
Taught simple verbalisation. 'Poo please.' For us to put a nappy on for poos.
Bought a toilet ladder. Allowed up no wee expectation.
Sit on toilet ladder. No expectation.
Wees on ladder (asked for himself after we used the coloured loo blocks)
Now we do timed wees on ladder. Next step is to use wee please verbalisation we taught him. Reward system in place.
We also got a special toy for playing with when on toilet but he lost interest. Might work for you. Figet toy type thing nothing too fiddly or likely to get gross.
Last step for poo we will cut a hole in nappy after following the wee process above. Making it bigger each time.

Other tips. Line loo with paper to avoid splashback.

Explain what poo is. Helped for us explaining although human waste is not needed for us some animals use poo eg dung beetle or eating again (gross I know but worked for.us)
Explain how.bodies, pipes and the whole system.works. demystify it.

Good luck. You have loads of time. Worst case scenario the school will deal. Certain not unheard of in eyfs.