To be worried DS will start school without being potty trained

[Doitproperly]

I’m becoming concerned for September.

DS just isn’t interested in potty training. He won’t tell you if he needs a wee or poo (not even sure if he knows) and refuses to sit on the potty. Feeling really embarrassed and like a bit of a failure. Not sure if anyone’s got any tips?

Sometimes children just take a bit longer, my son wasn’t toilet trained when he started school and for a while I had to go in and change him, he’s a teen now and as far as I can tell he’s not been damaged by it 😏

I thought the same about my son as he turned 4 in the March and wasn't ready but he got trained very soon after and was fine by school

I just kept plonking them on the toilet at very frequent intervals. I didn’t use a potty, just a child’s seat on the normal loo. I dedicated time to it (I was able to as SAHM) and kept their nappies off all day (unless out and bedtime). There were accidents but it didn’t take long for the penny to drop.

If it is stressing you out and it’s a battle of wills, stop trying.

But when you go back to trying in earnest, you have to commit to a full-time no nappies anymore now week at least of bare bums, accidents and not leaving the house.

You can’t do a day and give up, do another day, or just prompt him - if he’s a bit stubborn you’re going to have to be totally committed to washing lots of clothes and mopping up wee until he cracks it.

But in the meantime stop trying right now if you’re stressed about it.

As others have said - take away the nappies: you forgot to buy some, or they've run out. See how he goes with just wearing pants.

We have the 2-in-1 toilet seat, so it made him feel like a big boy; and another vote for the frog urinal. We started with that hanging off his toy chest so it was quick and easy to access then moved it to the loo, although by that time he wanted to make the ping pong ball move so we ditched the frog pretty quick after that.

As a percentage of you child’s life 11 months is huge! Look back at pictures from 11 months ago and see the change. Later potty Rainer’s tend to go from nothing to having it nailed in a matter pf
days because they are older and have better communication skills and understanding. Don’t fret yet x

Is he old or young for the school year, ie when approx is his birthday? Do you have any SEND concerns? How is his communication and language?

If you have no SEND concerns and his language and communication are good, then I would have one month totally off any kind of training, and then start again, completely afresh in a month or two.

Take him to the shops to choose pants and a potty. Clear, simple language. We keep our pants clean and dry. Wees and poos go in the potty or toilet. Read a few books but don’t go OTT.

Is he currently attending any childcare setting? If so, what do they say?

Where did she say she wasn't going to bother?

Keep trying lots of different things...

Stubborn to toilet train children do exist

Can you do

Wait around an hour from last wee, Say you know a magic trick does he want to learn, get him to have a sip of water from a bottle in front of the toilet with pants down and say to watch as the water will come out, turn the tap on too and hope for the best. If it doesn't happen straight away try another sip then another. Worked on mine to at least get it started, he never did a potty or a sitting wee. Poos were harder but we just emptied the pants out over and over and over with him in the toilet and one day it happened

Just leave it. He’s not ready. You’ve got almost a year. DD was the same, just not interested. I waited until she showed interest herself and then did it in the July before she started preschool (so she was 3.5). Took 2 days, dry day and night, only 1 accident. Easy.

Just have some potty time sat watching tv now and again. It doesn’t need to be related to when he actually needs the toilet to start with. He will get used to sitting on the potty and understanding the feeling of it.

Then try and encourage him sitting on it at times he might typically go to the loo (morning or evenings)…

It sounds like you need to take some of the pressure off initially.

I've only read OP's posts (trying to find her DS's age).
DS1 was late to train. I was, like you, getting concerned and feeling like I'd done it all wrong.
Hindsight allowed me to see that he would do it when he was good and ready and it was then very smooth and pretty quick. It matches his personality really - not bothered by peer pressure or material reward.

DS2 - another kettle of fish. Really picked up on wanting to be like Dad, loved new pants and stickers and praise. As a teenager he's the same - cares a lot about what others think, quite materialistic.

September is a long time away.

OP this is not your fault and you’re not a shit mum. Anyone who thinks that isn’t worth your time.

Get him sitting on the potty lots so you catch wees. Before and after meals, before you go outside etc. keep getting them in the potty and keep praising him gently when he does.no nappies for at least a week, it’s too confusing otherwise. Read all the Story books About using the potty with him. Don’t overthink, and if you’re both miserable after a week go back to nappies and leave it a month or 6 weeks.

I have potty trained 3 and they were all completely different so it’s not personal it’s just different kids find it easier or harder. One of mine took less than a week and one tookmonths and months and was still having accidents into reception.

We had the same concern. In the end books about potty training (endless books) got him curious enough to want to try himself. We also got rid of the potty and went for a "special" seat for the toilet. Still took a while but we got there, 1 month after his 3rd birthday. Keep trying. It feels like a losing battle but you'll get there.

Take a break until January then start afresh - get a chart, new pants whatever bribes work for him

I’ll admit here that I never did potty training.
Mine (3) were at nursery from a young age, 5 days a week, all day.
Nursery did the potty training and asked us to keep with it at the weekend.
We didn’t.
Neither did our other full time working friends.
Thats all besides the point really and makes me sound neglectful but hayho.

How the nursery did it.
Sit on potty for a short while on the hour every hour. Read them a book whilst sat there or give them something to do.
Ask if they’ve done anything.
It was obvious when our eldest son needed a poo as he’d hide behind the sofa, so we just took him to the toilet. He got the idea. But we didn’t do the sitting on the potty thing for ages at home. That was at nursery when they began training them.

There’s lots of time, don’t worry.

Have you said how old he is as I may have missed it? My DD was 3 at the very end of Aug so also going to school next Sept. We tried potty training at Easter and early summer with zero success then in Sept tried again and she got it instantly for wees, still no joy with poos. There’s a huge difference between a Sept born and an Aug born so maybe leave it a couple of months then try again.

My son wasnt too interested. Life was too interesting to stop to use a potty.
A lot of modern nappies with the gel that wick away the urine to keep them dry are comfortable and dont provide any encouragement to not use them.
What worked for me was buying cheap nappies from the corner shop that were just fluff padding that bunched up and felt uncomfortable if he wee'd.
Trainer pants are another option. If he feels 'wet' he might be more inclined to consider the potty/toilet.

My dd toilet trained a few weeks before starting school (she is autistic and I thought she would be going to school in nappies), I got to the point where I just gave up after trying on and off for a year and trying many techniques, in the end she just did it herself and went from being in nappies all the time to being dry in a week. You have plenty of time.

Potties are hideous things.

We had success with the toilet seat inserts. The children wanted to use them because they felt grown-up and wanted to use them.

Oh if only life were so easy. I assume your child(ren) trained themselves at 18 months.

I wonder if you'd be so rude and judgey in real life?

Hi OP, I feel you, despite repeated attempts from the age of 2, my eldest wasn't toilet trained until Christmas before he started primary school. Some things that helped us:

Lots of support from the health visitor

Continence team referral (from age 4 in our area)

Reading the ERIC website and joining some of their webinars

Treatment for constipation (constipation can cause wee accidents)

Scheduled toileting (going every hour to start with, the increasing the gaps) DS didn't self initiate toilet trips for ages.

Training pants - disposable and reusable both helped

Ditching the potty and going straight to the toilet

Binning the Oh Crap potty training book

Realizing that some kids don't 'get the hang of it in a week when they are ready'

... basically keep asking nursery/HV/GP/ERIC for help. You really don't have to battle this on your own.

Only the stupid ones, and do you care what they think?

For what it's worth, my son was only dry at night in the August before he started school.

I was the same.

Nothing to do with poor "parenting" and everything to do with the way we are.

I had one who was resistant. I ended up using bribery, child wanted a toy and I said I'd buy it once I didn't need to buy nappies. Problem solved in a few days.

I suppose I should be ashamed but the opportunity was there and I jumped at it.

My son wasn't too interested. Life was too interesting to stop to use a potty

Yes I think this is often an issue, especially with boys.