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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried DS will start school without being potty trained

258 replies

Doitproperly · 24/10/2023 12:54

I’m becoming concerned for September.

DS just isn’t interested in potty training. He won’t tell you if he needs a wee or poo (not even sure if he knows) and refuses to sit on the potty. Feeling really embarrassed and like a bit of a failure. Not sure if anyone’s got any tips?

OP posts:
ChilliNoodleGoodness · 01/11/2023 11:50

I agree with @Overloadimplode

I think you just have to throw out the nappies (apart from night time). It is stressful, the amount of wee you have to clean up but they will get there

curlydiamond · 01/11/2023 12:54

Hi OP

I've been where you are, I've had those same worries, I promise this isn't forever! Those who are saying you 'just' need to do x, y, z havent experienced this problem so think it's easy - I was probably just as ignorant until I had DS2 and discovered they are all different. My eldest was so easy to train, I simply did the bare bum thing and told him to sit every 30 mins or so (tried from 20 months but he wasnt ready, potty as a permanent feature in the room from 18 months and we just tried every couple of months until one day he was ready) . He was a biddable child, once he'd figured out how to wee on demand he was dry within days, at 2 and a half. One of his friends was dry day and night at 18 months, her older brother wasnt ready until nearly 4 years old.
Middle boy was far more resistant, refused to use the potty and no amount of praise, rewards, stickers charts, frequent sitting, books, wet pants etc worked. Eventually he decided to wee on demand at 3 and a bit, but only in the toilet never a potty (poos were another story, would withold until nighttime nappy was on then go, this continued until he turned 4) - he never had accidents whereas big brother had needed frequent reminders and would often have wee accidents until he was 4 as life was just too excitingto stop for a wee.
Littlest I was so worried about, far too busy to sit on a potty or toilet, actually impossible to get to sit for more than 5 mins at a table or in front of telly nevermind on a potty or loo, had potty out from around 18 months but always refused to sit. Tried when he turned 3, did a week of no nappies, a hideous nightmare with no improvement, went back to nappies.
Tried again 2 months later, having found he loved Sonic the Hedgehog (discovered through a nursery friend). This time he would agree to sit for 10 mins if given a tablet with Sonic on - eventually we caught wees and gave lots and lots of praise. He was reliably dry 7 days later.
Poos however are still an issue a year on, and we've only just got rid of the potty as he absolutely refused to go in the toilet and would scream blue murder and withhold for days on end.
11 months is a long way off, you do have plenty of time. Look for something he likes (programe he likes, toy he really wants, computer game, book, chocolate whatever) and only offer when he is sat (I would skip potty and go straight to toilet with a little seat but onvs your LO will guide this). I know you've tried this before but if you give it a break for a bit you may find he developes an interest that you can use, then perhaps try again between Christmas and New Year, if not ready then February, if not then try Easter. Just because you've tried something before doesn't mean it's not worth trying again in a few months time. This is a tough nut for some kids to crack, you will get there.
My youngest (just turned 4) has accidents at school once or twice a week, his brothers never once needed a change of clothes at school. Reception teachers are used to this, they are very understanding and it's not an issue.

Good luck OP.

AnneofRedGables · 01/11/2023 14:22

@ChilliNoodleGoodness the trouble is though, some (like my ds2) couldn’t care less about being wet. We did away with the nappies, put him in the pants… and he would happily just wee/poo himself and merrily carry on!

MigGirl · 01/11/2023 17:19

@AnneofRedGables yep my son was exactly the same, had tried him a number of times and really didn't care about been wet or dirty. You know what was worse is that both my kids where in cloth nappies and they say it helps them learn as they do feel when they are wet. It helped DD she wasn't quite 3 when she potty tranined but made not a jot of difference with DS he just really didn't care.

spottygymbag · 01/11/2023 20:29

I had similar with DS. Not interested. Fine hanging out in wet pants etc.
We took the nappies away and he would hold on all day and then eventually just wee in the bath and get out 😩
At daycare he was going through multiple changes and refusing to sit on the toilet. I had no idea how to move forward as he was not motivated by sweets or toys or anything.
I stuck at it, plowing through mountains of washing and pumping as much liquid into him as I could (not a big drinker).
It's taken close to 7months of continuous effort (after a few earlier attempts from age 2 onwards). Such a different journey from DD who was done and dusted just after her 2nd birthday.

KookyAndSpooky · 01/11/2023 20:55

I agree with @TheLoveIsReal. Three year olds are so much more strong-willed than two year olds. We trained our DS at 22 months for this reason. My friends that trained later were very hit and miss with their success. The ones that trained later but without pull-ups had a much easier ride.

AnneValentine · 02/11/2023 06:19

Doitproperly · 01/11/2023 08:07

Just turned 3, yeah, so I have been stressing over nothing. (I didn’t do so intentionally, just. Ulti tasking!)

It would have been really helpful if you had clarified his age much earlier because it’s a complete non thing. If he’s just turned 3 he isn’t going to school for nearly two years and this definitely is a non issue. What a waste of everyone’s time.

AhBiscuits · 02/11/2023 06:27

Both of mine were just over 3 once they cracked it and I didn't worry at all. Once they were ready it was sorted in a weekend. Park it for a month then try again. He's not motivated by chocolate, can you think of something that might motivate him? What does he like?

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