To be worried DS will start school without being potty trained

[Doitproperly]

I’m becoming concerned for September.

DS just isn’t interested in potty training. He won’t tell you if he needs a wee or poo (not even sure if he knows) and refuses to sit on the potty. Feeling really embarrassed and like a bit of a failure. Not sure if anyone’s got any tips?

My son wasn’t potty trained until the summer before he started school.

I took his nappies away and we had ALOT of accidents for the first week, then gradually less & less.

he had nappies at night time all through reception. He is ND which might have made a decision.

You’re both fine, you’ve both got plenty of time.

He will need to be potty trained before school but you’ve got ages to do it.

@Doitproperly have you tried all this with his bottoms off?

I really think you need support from your health visitor with this OP. I would say get rid of nappies altogether, move to big boy pants in the day and pull-ups at night, stop using the potty and just use a toilet step. Take the pressure off just now but hopefully just the increased sensation of wearing pants might move things along?
But get some support.

He wasn't too fussed about just wetting himself at first @Doitproperly but as the day went on he was just getting more and more upset, and then after two days he finally had a poo when he was naked bottom half down and obviously couldn't hold it in any more and he totally freaked out and I just thought I can't do this to him. After a lot of work/reassurance he will sit on the potty with trousers/pull ups down and watch some TV but won't wee (has never had a single wee on the toilet or potty) so I don't really get how you overcome that - you can keep making them sit but you can't make them wee. My older DD was potty trained well before 3 so I don't think it's just me being a terrible lazy mother.

Potty in sitting room no underwear or just underpants. Mine got a chocolate button for a wee or poo on potty, if they had accident then we cleanes it up with no fuss. Got them to sit on potty every 30mins with tv on.
Then stay home for 3/4 days if possible or over a weekend. If they havnt got it then try again in a month or 2.

Putting some cloth in nappy can make them feel the wetness

I really think you need support from your health visitor with this OP.

if she has access to one. I heard a lot about these magical health visitors, saw them once after giving birth and that was that.

Forget the potty, buy a seat for the toilet. It’s much more convenient and he is more likely to do something he sees his parents doing.

Get him to choose some pants and tell him it’s time to start using the toilet. Then make it a non negotiable that you go to the toilet regularly. He will soon get bored of having to be changed every time he has an accident and realise that it’s quicker and easier to use the toilet.

Maybe it’s turned into too much of a big thing. Not sure how much you have been pushing it. Definitely take a break and don’t worry about it til after Christmas. I would then start talking about school and how school children have to use a big toilet (or something like that). Hopefully he’ll be excited about going to school and you can build it into the whole getting him ready for school. New shoes, new uniform, new pants etc. Maybe another adult could speak to him about it, I’m thinking his new teacher. My DD sucked her thumb and we had tried everything to get her to stop nothing worked until our dentist told her she must stop as it would ruin her teeth. She never sucked her thumb again. We were living in Germany at the time so imagine a strict German person telling you, you must stop.

Does your DS show any signs of needing to go, mine both had definite wee dances so it was obvious when they needed to go. My now 10yr DS still does this and I have to tell him to go to the toilet before he pees himself!

Also just thinking maybe forget about a potty and go straight to a normal toilet. Sorry if you’ve already tried and I missed it but you can get toilet seats with a smaller seat built in. Maybe this would help.

I hav potty trained a number of children who had varying levels of motivation and ability! I would recommend staying in for as much as possible, completely ditching pull ups except at night. He is 3 so try step and toddler seat. He gets a chocolate button every time he wees or poos in the toilet. Every time he wets he has to put his own trousers and pants in the washing machine and clean himself up.Keep it low key. There will be lots of cleaning, lots of never mind try again next time.

The key is, if they don't care about feeling wet, it has to inconvenience them in some way to NOT use a potty, which is where putting your own stuff in the morning ash comes in. And if they don't care about praise, there has to be some other external motivation - choc button is easiest and immediate 😁

Have you try using the toilet rather than a potty? Maybe he’d prefer that.

one other thing to mention is that if it gets to next summer and there has been no progress (although I'm sure there will have been) just engage with the school and explain the situation. Ask what their policies are and ask for their help in supporting DS. My DS's reception teacher would remind him regularly to go to the toilet, which helped him not have so many accidents.

And just remember all kids are different, so don't worry about what other mums are saying about their kids. I approached my two the same and as I said in my previous post, DS took forever. With DD, who was also a summer born, the entire process took 3 days.

Health visitors only know how to.offer obvious advice and blaming you for developmental delay. Try the Eric website for actual help.

My daughter is a similar age was 3 in May and due to start school in September. We managed to train over the summer when I was luckily off work. I told her one morning the nappy fairy had been and there were no more nappies. The first day was awful with mutiple accidents. Everytime she had an accident I sat her on the potty and told her she needed to do wees/poos on the potty and to tell mummy when she needs to go. We were completely dry within the week. Like you I'd had enough of people thinking I was lazy and not bothering to teach her. We still have occasional accidents and she's in pull ups for bed, as she wets overnight. You will get there. Still plenty of time

You should be able to see a health visitor through your GP, if not whoever does baby clinics in the practice will be able to help.

Honestly, OP, all the people telling you that it's all fine aren't really doing you any favours. He's not going to wake up one morning and decide that now's the time and it's all sorted. At some point, you can't take no for an answer from him any longer - this is something that has to happen. Take a week off work with no other agenda than potty training, get food in, plan to not leave the house, roll up the rugs and get going. You take the nappy off him, put his pants on and watch him like a hawk. Encourage him to drink. When he starts to pee, you put him on toilet or potty till he's done, every single time for as many days as it takes. When he starts to poo, the same. If he wets or soils himself, you clean him up, you clean the mess up and you just keep going. You don't criticise or make any remarks. Eventually he will get it. But it's going to take time and effort from you.

We were completely clear, no backsies, in three days and then we had a couple of days to cement it. But no issues ever since then.

Following this with interest. My 3 yo is Still in nappies, nursery f/t and they are very supportive.

She has had some constipation issues which kinda remain unresolved other than filling her with laxido everyday (I'm going to insist next hospital clinic us actually in person!)

I'm trying to get her to just even sit on the potty just now and use sticker charts here and nursery. I'm anxious we missed opportunities in the past and think I will need to schedule a few weeks off work soonish to try and resolve. Luckily we're in Scotland so she won't be at school until August 25 so have a little more time but I still don't want her to be 4 and in nappies.

Good luck, just been looking at the Oh Crap book that a few have recommended and it has some excellent reviews so think I'll get that.

My son was the same, we bribed him and it turned out he did know when he needed to go he was just lazy. A chocolate button for every wee and 2 for a poo soon had it sorted.

My health visitor suggested downloading an app and that was it, nothing practical at all unfortunately. We are under hospital care for constipation and they have been much better but they really need to see her I feel now. Covid effect lingers on.....

Very helpful.

Same @bathrobeandpie what’s worrying me is everything people are saying we’ve tried and still got nowhere so not sure what to do really!

Take off their nappy, put on some big boy pants, and watch them like a hawk! As soon as they have an accident in their pants, "oh your pants are wet, you've done a wee, let's go change you. Next time, let me know before you have a wee, and we will go to the toilet". It takes a few times of then being wet to associate the feeling of needing a wee, with doing a wee. Put them on the potty half an hour after eating/drinking. Have a lucky dip bowl of wrapped up "presents" in the toilet and they get to unwrap one if they do something - nothing expensive, wrapped up 15p bag of haribo, any kind of tat you can find lying around will do 😂

You can't just decide they're not engaged with it and give up. Most kids aren't engaged with it - potty training isn't fun for anyone.

Try one of those toilet seat inserts and put him on the toilet. Tell him he’s a big boy now and you’re very proud of him. Make no mention of previous accidents or failures. Get him a toilet toy or book - something special that he gets when he’s on the toilet, or read him a story. Stay with him. Whether he goes or not, praise him for sitting there even if it’s only a short time.

Remove all nappies during the daytime. Use towelling pants or no pants at all. Put a potty in the lounge as a back up. If he has an accident, don’t react. Be cheery, take him over to the potty or toilet and try to get him to sit even if it’s for two seconds. I found running taps helped a lot early on.

The trick is to be ultra-breezy and chilled about it but quietly firm and persistent.

Please phone up your DUTY HV for some support with this to do everything possible to ensure your child is potty trained before school

Op I have 4 kids, all varied at stages they decided to go but I was at the same place as you and panicked and then talked to countless other people who were in the same place. Don’t panic and you’ve still nearly a full year x