aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

Nope

Men can’t breastfeed so that’s irrelevant. The majority of babies in the U.K. are formula fed. If that’s what you want to do then it’s up to you. There are huge benefits to giving colostrum in the first couple of days which you can do by syringe but that’s obviously optional too.

It definitely is a choice. Anyone who might try to pressure you one way or another is in the wrong.

I breastfed for years. I still think that women’s bodily autonomy is the golden principle and you can choose not to.

Nope. You do whatever you want to do and drown out the noise.

I have a friend who didn't BF her first for the same reasons. With her second she decided to give BF a go. She says it's much more convenient to BF and prefers it.

I must admit, I had a terrible time BF. Managed to get to 6 months before I had to stop. It absolutely drained me.

my husband keeps telling me how the world health organisation recommends exclusive breastfeeding for six months. If the world health organisation recommends this, then i should do it if i want whats best for my son. My mother inlaw has said the same.

I just really dont want to. Its not a comfortable experience.

It's your body and your choice.

But make sure it's an informed choice not based on myths and that you understand the increased health risks of not breastfeeding for you and baby.
I would also say breastfeeding is the less taxing choice for many women if it works (once you can get it established)

also to add, the NHS seems to present it as a choice? This doesnt make sense to me. If it was the universal best, why doesnt the NHS recommend it like the WHO??

It's entirely up to you what you do.

However, do base your decision on fact.

You say that breastfeeding is taxing.

However, for millions of women it is much easier than bottle feeding practically.

Plus there are immense benefits to the baby, even from a few days of breastfeeding.

Fed is best.

The method is entirely the choice of the parents.

Many people don't want to breastfeed for a multitude of reasons.

I formula fed dd from day 1, I was adamant from first finding out I was pregnant that I didn't want to breastfeed. Mostly due to meds I needed crossing the barrier but also because for other personal reasons.

Dd is a happy healthy 10 year old.

Do you. People will have opinions and criticise everything you do. Ignore them and do what works best for you.

I didn't do it because I didn't want to. Kids are fine. Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

This. What do men have to do with it? It’s absolutely your choice, OP, but I think it’s pretty poor not to choose something with obvious benefits just because you don’t want to. I was one of those unfortunate outliers who never produced a milk supply beyond a trickle and spent the first two months of my baby’s life frantically trying to increase supply, taking all possible advice and help, to no avail. It was miserable. I’d have given anything to have had the option. But your body, your choice, obviously.

Who do you feel pressure from?

Again you say that it's uncomfortable. But for millions of women it's not. It's an easy and pleasant experience.

It's your choice.

And you don't need to make any categorical decisions.

It's not six months or nothing. You could feed for even a day or two and then if you really hate it, then stop.

They’re your breasts, you can use them as you wish. Nothing to do with me.

Ill-disguised guilt trips aren’t helpful here either.

The thing with free choice is ioi have to accept that others make different choices. Thats for your your husband.

I'm presuming you are in the UK or other country with good clean water supply and have the the financial means to support formula buying for a year. That means your baby will have an adequate supply of nutrition.

The NHS recommend it. But then the NHS and wider society is rubbish at providing the actual support women need with it (and postnatal care and women's health care generally) and so many women in the UK don't succeed.

Professor Amy Brown's books and websites are very informative if you want to do some research.

Following with interest, very early days for me as I'm still in 1st trimester but while pregnant is so far fine, for some reason the idea of breastfeeding makes me feel really uncomfortable and odd in a way I can't define. (me doing it; not anyone else, just to be clear).

Lots of time to change my mind but interested in the thoughts and experiences of people who've made the choice actively rather than formula fed out of necessity.

Thankfully DH is very much 'it's your body, it's up to you'.

I didn't BF because I didn't want to.

I'm sure breast may be best, but I don't know of any anyone who has grown up with issues because they were bottle fed.

Just take the stand that your dh and mil do not get to decide what you do with your breasts! Use those exact words.

And there are some women who physically can't feed, or can't produce enough milk. That's why the NHS doesn't have a categorical definite you must breastfeed.

But all the evidence is that even a few days is beneficial

feed however you want. I gave it a go and did the colostrum for both mine but really disliked breastfeeding and so after that I ff. I felt so guilty when I gave up with ds1 but when I had my dd I wasn’t remotely bothered about stopping breastfeeding and going onto formula because I’d seen how it made no difference to ds. If anything it improved my bond with my kids because breastfeeding was very painful for me and I hated feeding time and was stressed and tense. Ff meant I could relax when I fed them and enjoy the experience. It was best for me and my kids, you do what’s best for you and yours. It feels like a Huge thing When they’re babies and then a few years later no one cares or asks how you fed your baby!

Plus there are immense benefits to the baby, even from a few days of breastfeeding

Not quite - there are some benefits that are only observable at a population level, not an an individual level.

OP, feed your baby however you choose. It is no-one elses business whether you exclusively breastfeed for two years or if you use formula from day 1. Both are fine.

Sorry-didn't rtft.

Up to you. But imho, bf for most women is much easier and cheaper.