aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

Can you point me in the direction of these studies?

What other benefits do they turn up?

This depends on the situation - I had almost the opposite. My baby had Down's syndrome and in the postnatal ward basically all the midwives assumed she wouldn't be able to feed, gave me very little support with hand expressing and just thrust bottles of Cow and Gate at us. It wasn't until a few days after we were discharged and went to the breastfeeding clinic (ironically just down the corridor from the postnatal ward) that I was introduced to Medela nipple shields and our journey could properly begin.

You do all realise that you can’t tell who has and hasn’t been bf or formula? It’s such a tiny decision in being a parent.

I am pregnant at 40 with my 4th child. I have been on both sides of this argument. I breastfed my first for less than a fortnight. Breastfed the second for 2 months and got mastitis. I have now and still am breastfeeding the 3rd (there is a 14 year age gap between 2 and 3) who turned 1 a fortnight ago. The next baby I will try and breastfeed for a couple of weeks and then move to bottle. Breastfeeding is in my opinion definitely much easier, however it is very tying as my baby would not and has never taken a bottle. I think you really just have to look after you and how you can manage. As long as baby is fed that is the priority and you will do just great with whatever you decide. Ultimately its your body so its 100% your choice. Hugs x

Breastfeeding is wonderful. If it works.
Breastfeeding bullys as demonstrated here is not wonderful and should be ashamed of themselves.
Whether they realise it or not. They do nothing to help their case.
Ye can jump up and down saying oh both sides are mean all you like.
It's just not true.
Nobody shames another mother quite like a BF warrior.

Op obviously this thread has taken on a life of its own. Just thinking, if you have any specific questions about breast or formula feeding/ want to explore them more you might get more constructive conversation that you can actually engage with on the infant feeding board. Aibu is always a bit of a debate! Just incase you're still left with questions.

Why is it odd?

Plenty of people don’t want to try to do something because they know they have no desire to try it.

Breastfeeding is really no different. I know I would hate it so I didn’t see the point in trying for several reasons.

Pmsl at those who can't be arsed to wash a bottle. Are you not washing up anyway? 😅 OP it's not some big chore, do what you want.

My friend is a full on preacher when it comes to BF. I formula fed mine, she turned her nose up. Guess what? 15 years on her kids have had every illness going and mine have very very few. All of mine had 100% attendance last year, 2 of hers are at concerning levels of sick days from school. She still bangs on about how BF has made her kids healthier 🤣

@Alondra

…… so you’re comparing an orphaned orangutan, who has no mother for natural nutrition, and is in a desperate state requiring emergency intervention.

To human infants, whose mothers actively choose not to breastfeed them so they can have an easier time….

The mind boggles.

I was adamant with my first that I was going to BF, after watching my sister be so successful at it with her DC. Baby was born early Lockdown #1, with no face to face contact with any professionals other than flying visits from MW (even HV was on the phone), and we just couldn’t get the hang of it. We managed 12 days, first exclusive BF, then combi feeding, and finally baby refused the boob altogether one morning, and that was that. Looking back, I had really bad postnatal anxiety (I felt like I’d waited my whole life for my baby, and the world was out to get us. We were shielding as well, which I’m sure made it worse.), and I was obsessed with writing in a notebook like a diary of every feed, every poo and wee, everything she did. I was so regimented about her feeding, and got so upset and anxious if she was “due” a feed and we were busy. It was hard.
When I had my second, I made a conscious decision to just try BF, at least for the 12 days my oldest got. I had visits and phone calls from everyone I could (MW and HV obviously, but also a local lactation consultant), along with family support this time, and though we did okay (good right latch, never ready got a latch on the left), I found worrying about it constantly was bringing up my anxiety levels again. I decided to put baby onto formula, and she’s so happy. I didn’t do a diary this time either, and just focused on baby’s own cues. She’s really been the one in charge, and it’s been so much better this time around.
When we had her HV visit, the question of feeding came up, and I said what we’d done. The HV said that 12 days of BF is brilliant. Baby got all the colostrum and goodness that comes with it, but really, fed is best, no shame in any choice as long as baby is happy, healthy and thriving. I know HV can be a bit heavy handed with the BF stuff, but she was a good one.
Despite my own early feelings of mum guilt and failed expectations, I really feel I did everything I could for my babies. My children are so happy and healthy, and that’s all I want for them.
I think if I was in your shoes, and really couldn’t get on board with BF, I’d formula feed from the start, and maybe just express my colostrum before and just after baby is born, and give it to baby in a syringe. But even if you decide not to do that, just know that a happy mum makes for a happy baby, and you don’t need to blame or explain yourself for any decision you make.
Good luck with your baby 😊

It's sad that so many women feel they're making a free choice when they have been conditioned to expect breastfeeding to be difficult or painful by the real controllers, those making money from formula milk. Tell someone something is going to be difficult and it probably will be. Sorry if I upset anyone but you can't get away from the fact that formula is a processed food.

No. I hate the anti-bottle feeding rhetoric that midwives are obliged to communicate.

I tried my best bf, I was just crap at it, not enough milk, hated it. As did ds.

if I have another baby I won’t bother bf. My mother felt like you and never gave me a drop of breast milk. She claims it wasn’t the done thing in the 70s.

that all being said, I think there are significant benefits to the colostrum you can give your baby just after he/she is born. I’d read up on that before giving up on the idea entirely. Only needs to be for a few days.

Sad that other mothers feel that they have the right to criticise anothers choice. Never tried breast feeding - didn’t want to. DC’s thrived on formula. Job done!

Remind me what happened before the invention of formula? Oh yeah many babies dying from malnutrition etc.

PS before anyone jumps on, as we’re mid bun fight… this is not a criticism of FFs…..

I’m just stunned that we are to think of formula fed babies as orphaned monkeys now…. Like baby orangutans who appear on charity appeals, sitting beside their mother’s corpse in a ruined rainforest.

@Alondra that animal planet comparison is probably the most bizarre post on a breast feeding thread I have ever read.

@ginandtonicwithlimes

Wet nurse.

Maybe they should bring them back as an option.

Yet many people who do breastfeed find it difficult, especially when they are trying to establish breastfeeding.

My sister breastfed both of her kids and I just knew that if I ever had children, it wouldn’t be for me for many reasons.

Needs to be better support for breastfeeding.

Who could afford wet nurses?

Everybody?

For those who want to breastfeed, absolutely.

All the support in the world wouldn't want to make me breastfeed.

Yes - there needs to be better support for all new parents but those choosing to use formula should be able to do so without the criticism shown on this thread.

Maybe they should bring them back as an option.

Not enough women would do it voluntarily.

So it would cost money.

So, if it wasn't cheaper than formula, families without loads of money would still just use formula. And it's highly likely it wouldn't be cheaper or more convenient than formula.

Meanwhile only less well off women would do it as a job ... Resulting in a situation not unlike surrogacy in the US. With poorer women being exploited & used.

And less milk for their own kids ... So they might not be breast fed; only the richer employer's kids.

That's what happened in the golden age of wet nursing.

Why do people never realise what the past was really like when harkening back to it ...bit was grim, desperate, unfair.... The vast majority of people didn't even have the right to vote in their country. Kids worked FFS. Wet nursing wasn't some utopian, free, charitable service; it was commercial and it was done by poorer women who voumdbt centre the needs of their own babies.

This is my point. Women didn't have so much trouble breastfeeding before they were told that breast milk was inferior to the formula that clever male scientists could make! We have been conditioned to think formula is the easy option. We know it is inferior to breast milk, we know it costs a lot, we know we will have to spend time sterilizing and making up bottles but women still believe it's the easier option.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2684040/

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/05/baby-formula-breastfeeding-history/629889/

For breastfeeding. I see no criticism. Tbf tho haven't read everything but what I have read. It's been the other way round.