aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

It's up to you. I do resent, though, the assertion that BF is cheaper--it's only cheaper if my time is worth nothing, and that argument does no woman any favours.

Financial cost is measurable. Of course your time isn't worth nothing, but it's not necessarily tangibly worth money (depending on what else you would be doing during the time you weren't breastfeeding). Surelh the fact that breastfeeding is cheaper is hardly an argument that does nobody any favours during a cost of living crisis?

Breastfeeding is optimal for your baby's and your health. There are good studies that suggest it reduces the risk of a lot of things, including SIDS and childhood leukaemia. The fact that it involves the baby's direct use of your body beyond pregnancy, in a way that can (won't necessarily, but can) take a toll in a number of ways, means it has to be your choice - but it's fair enough for the information to be out there on why bf is the best choice. Personally, getting going with my first was awful (partly due to bad advice in the hospital), but once we'd cracked it we were off, and I bf him for 4 and a half years and my second and third for 3 and 3.5 years respectively. After those first few difficult weeks, it made everything so very much easier - I always admired ff mothers for coping with (what looked to me like) the pure faff of it.

We do have a society that is invested in women not bf (regardless of the public health messaging) because it makes mothers, especially at first, less able to do all the other stuff women are supposed to do, and it reminds everyone that breasts are more than sexual objects.

Im.fine " Hun"
What about you?

Controversial old lady post here. I am so glad that I had babies before colostrum harvesting and routine expressing became a "thing". Expressing used to be something you did if you wanted to build up a stock of milk so you could leave your baby for any reason. Or if you wanted to bf but your baby was too early or poorly to feed from the breast. Now it seems to be something everyone does. IMHO it's the worst of both worlds!

You're not a bad mother for nit breastfeeding. A fed baby is best. I didnt breastfeeding. Partner can also help with the feeds.

Your body, your choice.

I guarantee you that by the time the kids start primary school, no one gives a damn any more if they were breastfed, bottle fed, then given purees or went with baby-lead weaning.

Your husband can ask questions and have a discussion as long as it's respectful. It's his child too, but it's your body first. What I mean it's better than a man who would show no interest, and come back with "I don't care". It's ok he cares, but not if he was making demands.

Your MIL can fuck off, nothing to do with her.

Forget about what people are saying (as in the judgemental voices) - but why do you not want to breastfeed?

you don’t have to answer us, but maybe think about it.

No judgement here - I had a terrible time breastfeeding because baby latched on poorly (apparently the nurse should have spotted) and got an infection (sorry I am not making breastfeeding attractive at all).

But I gave it a go at least because the resource was there for my baby - and as a mum I wanted to give her what was made for her. I also enjoyed the times it did go well.

went on formula after 3 months - my DD had a terrible time on that with constipation, that was awful (we just couldn’t win). It might just be her digestive system as she had a terrible episode of constipation as a child (5-7 years later) - the good thing is she takes veg and fibre so seriously as the episodes are horrible.

do what’s best. Weigh out your options. Don’t just rule it out because you simply “don’t want to” - this is just a small part of parenting - and we sign ourselves up for a lifetime of things that we do not really want to do.

Anyway - I was so relieved when DD was on solids. But if the resource is there - maybe just try it for a day… (saying it with love x)

Sitting there with a hand pump = hours of boredom.

A pair of pumps inside your bra as you walk around = advantages of breastfeeding and bottle feeding.

I agree. Expressing is the hardest route of all. It’s all the work of both.

I think that you need to figure out what puts you off breastfeeding OP and why you are conflicted about a decision to not breastfeed. You can also breastfeed at the start - the colostrum’s very special anyway - and move to formula if you want then. It’s not an all or nothing decision. Breastfeeding can be very easy if it works. but for many it takes a certain commitment at the beginning to establish.

Your body, your baby, your rules.

Congratulations on you baby, and in my experience bad mothers don’t worry if they are or not. Not breastfeeding doesn’t make you a bad mum.

@x2boys

It’s because saying formula is comparable to breast milk is as bad as saying the world is flat.

Breast milk has immunoglobulins that confer protection and are important to the development of the child’s immune system. The relative quantities of components in it change through time and according to the needs of the child.

https://www.todaysparent.com/baby/breastfeeding/magical-ways-breastmilk-changes-to-meet-your-babys-needs/

Formula has none of the immunological components, is a set formula that doesn’t respond to what is going on with the baby, and contains casein which the baby can’t digest so they are constipated and sluggish - which is why they feed less often.

I think it’s fair enough if someone has severe mental health or illness that means they can’t… but when given maternity leave to look after the baby, I can’t think why people wouldn’t opt to try breast first.

I have been breastfeeding for 5 months. I planned to do so, and enjoy it.
I was formula fed from birth, as was my sister, as was my now 6YO stepson.

Whatever works for you. WHO recommends it for a number of reasons; that doesn't discount your right to choose, or the fact that formula is a perfectly safe and healthy way to feed your baby.

As they say, you do you.

I clicked the wrong button, you are not being unreasonable. It's your choice and one that many families make.

I wanted to but struggled through for months with my pump while my sister didn't want to from the start. We are all different and you can't tell which kids were breastfed at an individual level.

YANBU at all OP. Every time they bring it up, look them dead in the eye and ask them why on earth they think they get a say in how you use your breasts.

If you want to counter their arguments you could read Cribsheet by Emily Oster (sp), she's an economist who found little long term benefit in children who are breastfed once you control for things like the socio-economic status and educational attainment of their parents.

But I think you're best just to refuse to enter into a discussion.

(I breastfed mine and it was right for me and my babies but that doesn't mean it's right for you and that's fine.)

Not going to debate pro and cons of BF Op, just wanted to say your DH and your MIL are entitled to an opinion, what they're not entitled to do is to bully you into agreeing with them. Your body, your right to choose

@theprincessthepea

We had this when DC1 went onto formula at 6m for a period of combi feeding (I had to go in for surgery so couldn’t feed).

It was TERRIBLE. Squealing in agony and horrendous constipation with the formula. We tried several, eventually the most expensive on the market proved tolerable.

But it was bloody awful - quite literally, poor kid!!

We were relieved to get back to breast but the combi even though short led to my milk drying up circa 9m…

No choice but formula then, resented the faff/expense/loss of bonding with baby.

I formula fed my first baby (well, after 3 weeks of trying to breastfeed and struggling a lot) and fully breastfed my second.

The difference the second time around was that I was relaxed about things. Listened to no one. Ignored advice. Surprise surprise I wasn’t stressed so my milk came along and I could breastfeed. Didn’t expect to.

Happy Mum = Happy baby. If you feel safe and well and relaxed, however you feed them, all will be well.

The first time around my MIL you to send my ‘breast is best’ info. When I stopped breastfeeding, she said ‘oh that’s such a shame for you’ and I said ‘you’re right, I should just stay miserable forever. What a good plan’

she left me alone then.

I think it’s fair enough if someone has severe mental health or illness that means they can’t… but when given maternity leave to look after the baby, I can’t think why people wouldn’t opt to try breast first.

It can be as simple as "because they don't want to". And that is fair and valid and shouldn't be open to criticism.

Because they don't want to?
Why do.you care ?

If you can’t BF or you really don’t want to then obviously you don’t have to, it’s your body. But in my opinion it is worth trying, for the sake of your baby as medical evidence shows there are benefits to giving breast milk. When you become a mother it’s not all about you. Although you are important, it is also best to do what is best for your child, and sometimes that means compromising on what you want.

My babies were not constipated through being Formula fed most are not
Do you really think that mothers who don't breast feed don't bond with their babies ,I mean really ???

I think it’s fair enough if someone has severe mental health or illness that means they can’t… but when given maternity leave to look after the baby, I can’t think why people wouldn’t opt to try breast first.

I'm not getting the connection between breastfeeding and maternity leave?

If a mother doesn't want to do it, it has nothing to do with how long she's at home or whether she has a job outside it or not.

It's completely valid to decide you don't want to. I tried with both of mine, because I felt somewhat pressured. It didn't work for various reasons. In hindsight I wish I had not bothered at all.

You will make millions of choices on how to feed your DC as they grow up, and many of them will not be the optimum choice, unless you are some sort of perfect saint, who will spend hours slaving in the kitchen. Strangely though the only one that seems to come with so much angst and judgement is breast or bottle feeding. I really don't think it makes a massive difference one way or the other, so do what works for you.

Are you a mother yet? Is this baby born? You might feel differently when the baby arrives. Now it is all about society and expectations. But the choice is actually about you, your baby and what you want to try for that baby.

1. Are you a bad mother? No. No one is a bad mother from choosing to do one thing out of thousands of choices that is not the best for their child.

2. In my view being a good/bad mother is about a series of choices you make for that child.

In my case whenever I factually know something is better for my child I pick that choice. I am sure I have made some less optimal choices along the way, I hope that I am making significantly more good ones.