aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

Have you done it before? If not how can you say anything about the experience?

I didn't BF, I knew straight away that it wasn't for me.
I never felt judged, or questioned why by anybody.
For us, formula worked best as it meant my OH could be fully involved in feeding baby. It really helped me physically and mentally after an EMCS.

Have you had your baby or are you still pregnant? It's 100% a choice, but assuming something isn't dangerous or painful, I always think it's good to try something first before making a choice. If you try it and dislike it as much as you think you will, then fine. Your feelings were confirmed. But there are SO many thoughts, ideas and feelings that I had pre-children that ended up changing after I had them. So much so, that when I had my second, I didn't bother making many plans etc... before they arrived, because I knew how they might change after I had them.

Though I wanted to bf for the benefits for baby, I was completely unable to. So my little one was FF from the start. I've never felt guilty about it, fed is best is absolutely right. And tbh if I had another I'd probably FF that one too. Don't let anyone tell you that you're in the wrong. It's your body, your choice. Wonder how your husband would feel if it was him who had to do it🤔

I found all the way through pregnancy that the NHS and the lactation consultants they sent round the wards when you’ve had your baby are horribly pushy and can make you feel quite guilty if you don’t breastfeed. I tried and couldn’t exclusively breastfeed so now do formula and express milk, as long as your baby is fed and happy then that is most important. The automated breastfeeding texts I’ve been getting in the weeks after my son’s birth from one of the NHS services do make me feel a bit crap about it.

I never had any desire to breastfeed my two kids- didn't do them any harm!

This.

Obviously if you've done it before and know you hate it then that's a very different set up to not having actually done it.

If that's the case then absolutely do what you want.

It's perfectly ok to make the choice not to. There are so many choices you'll make along the way.

I was totally set on breastfeeding and had a terrible time with my tiny baby losing weight. We did continue but combi fed and it was amazing for us.

Formula is a great invention.

Or is your son already here and you've been doing it and want to stop.

Absolutely stop then. If you find it uncomfortable and don't like it then stop.

But if you've never done it, then just think about trying it because for millions of women it is so much easier and a really pleasant experience

The NHS do recommend it, but of course it's a choice. No one is forced to feed their baby in any way they don't want to. It's not your husbands body, or anything whatsoever to do with your mother in law. Breast has plenty of benefits, of course it does, but formula is a perfectly acceptable substitute and no woman should have to justify her choices about her body.

You sound faintly conflicted though. You wouldn't be asking unless you were wondering about your choice. If you know it's recommended, it's worth examining why you don't want to. I have a family member who found it triggering, another who felt her husband would be jealous (!), for me with my first I thought I'd try it because I was nervous about making bottles safely. I've just weaned my third after 9 (non consecutive) years because it was so, so easy, free and very beneficial. Not just because it's the most natural substance. Benefits such as instant comfort, immunity, never having to get out of bed, carry formula, spend loads of money, etc. It's not always some terribly taxing work.

None of that is you, though. Choice is everything.

I didn't want to breastfeed so I didn't, no one tried to change my mind or convince otherwise

Entirely up to you. Like a pp said, fed is best.

However, I don’t understand how you think it’s taxing? For me, it was much easier. Baby was hungry, I fed them. I didn’t have the faff on of making up bottles, sterilising bottles, waiting to cool etc. It was there, on tap. Was cheaper too. Formula is quite expensive these days I believe.

I was 19 when i had my first put on loads of weight and didn't like my boobs so there was no way i was going to breast feed back then midwifes doctors heath visitors and family all made me feel bad for not doing it or even trying but as many other posters have said its YOUR body and up to u !

I never breastfed any of my 4 children because I just didn’t want to and they are all fine.

Not unreasonable at all.
I breastfed both of mine up until 5 month and although I enjoyed it to an extent it was incredibly restrictive.

My first baby breastfed every hour and a half day and night for the first 6 weeks and to be honest it was debilitating. For some people that isn’t practical and it can have an impact on your mental health. If you don’t feel a strong drive to do it then the effort honestly isn’t worth it.

Do what feels right for your body. Women sacrifice enough during pregnancy and birth and should not be judged based on feeding preferences.

It's a choice, before you make a final decision though do remember it's possible to combi feed as an alternative too (it's not all or nothing) and with the right support at the start, it's a lot simpler than bottles (read one of the many threads on machines to sterilise, make bottles, methods, how to take bottles out safely etc). Then there's the cost, formula is expensive.

I'll be honest, the hardest part about breastfeeding is getting started, once established it's the most natural thing in the world but if you really don't want to then it's your choice, just have all the facts in place first

For me I wanted to and did manage to feed 1 of my 3 children without problem. I personally don’t understand why women don’t want to try but totally respect everyone’s individual choice. No-one should be pressured to do it

It’s all a choice of fight though. It’s a fight against the breast is best or a fight to ignore people staring if you breast feed publicly. Either way someone will have an opinion.

Breast feeding usually ends after 6 months to a year and no one will care or remember after that.
If you want to have to go through the night feeds getting up in the dark, warming bottles, getting enough in them to buy a bit of sleep , knock yourself out. Breast feeding is a hundred times less faff and no money ( except for lanisol cream) .Plus moral high ground.
If you don’t want to for whatever reason, both you and baby will be fine.

There's recent science that provides even more evidence for the positives of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding helps the baby's gut bacteria to florish, which had life long positive health implications. Formula is a upf, which has life long negative health implications.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't even want to try, when breastfeeding has so many positives.

I decided not to breastfeed early on in the pregnancy as I was fairly certain I wouldn't be able to handle the mental strain of it (based off people's experiences that they had shared with me and situations in the past that I didn't handle well). I was a little judged by midwives in the beginning when I was attending appointments but once the baby was born, nobody batted an eyelid. I definitely do not regret it at all, still formed an amazing bond with my baby from the get go, and was delighted to be able to let OH do some of the feeding.

That's just my experience. Others will give you the positives of breastfeeding. Ultimately it is YOUR body, and YOUR choice! Research it, make your decision and tell your MIL and DH to back off!

And remember night feeding is so much easier if you breastfeed, I fed mine lying down in bed and literally went to sleep feeding, no machines, kettles, measuring...

‘Formula is a upf, which has life long negative health implications.’

Care to provide the evidence for that statement?

I find it hilarious that people are saying if you haven't done it then how do you know you will hate it. I haven't sky dived, rock climbed but know I wouldn't like it.

Would you ask a woman to carry a pregnancy to term before they have access to abortion? Because the choices both reflect woman's body autonomy.

I knew since I was old enough I wasn't going to breastfeed. I just could not equate it with my view of my breasts. I had a few questions from medical staff but am well able to self advocate.

My MIL did make a few comments but I quickly shut that down. She made her choices this was mine.

Your body your choice. Hope the pregnancy goes well. Women should always support each other's right to choice, it's how we all get our automny.

I bf because I am lazy and couldn’t be dealing with washing and sterilising bottles multiple times a day. The health benefits were a plus but not the deciding factor.

Do what you want to do, who cares about anyone else?