aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

Do what you want...it makes no difference compared to being an engaged parent. I have two kids, one had breast milk for the first 3 months, the other had formula from the day she was born because I'd found breastfeeding/pumping absolutely exhausting & soul-destroying. Equally bonded to me, neither obese, both equally intelligent & healthy. Reading to them, feeding them a balanced diet, & being engaged with their schooling are all so much more important.

@BurbleBumleBleep Plus moral high ground.

^^????

Parenting isn't just about what's best for your baby/child. Of course you put them first in most things, but it's not practical to put them first in absolutely everything.

You are a family. So it's not normally as simple as literally saying "This is 'best' for my child so this is what I will do". You have to take into account everyone that's involved.

FWIW I combi fed DS1 via pumping and formula. I exclusively breastfed DS2. It was painful to start out but once established was super convenient and easy. Downsides were that I was 100% in charge of feeding and felt an unreasonable sense of responsibility about it. If I ever had a third I'd combi feed - starting with 1 bottle feed of formula a day from day one and the breastfeeding every other feed. And if that didn't work I'd switch to bottles only. I'd do what was right for us as a family unit, which wouldn't be me being in the hook for everything.

I chose not to. I just didn't fancy it at all and so I didn't.

All my kids are healthy and I would 100% make the same decision again.

I BF for way past 12 months with both of mine, My best mum friend FF from day 1 with all her three. It's up to you. I do resent, though, the assertion that BF is cheaper--it's only cheaper if my time is worth nothing, and that argument does no woman any favours.

Don’t allow the debate OP. I think honesty is incredibly refreshing- so many people I know feel judged either side of the fence. I’ve done both so trust me you get judged as a mother either way. When I didn’t breastfeed for long I felt judged by staff. When I did I felt judged by family because they felt uncomfortable around me and they were “deprived” of the fun of feeding baby. You just can’t win sometimes. Don’t allow the debate to happen. If you feel more comfortable, just say you’re giving it a go but if it’s not for you it’s fine also. And then when baby comes and the debate comes up again, just say it wasn’t for you after all and that’s the end of the conversation, I’m much too tired to engage.
Baby will be fine either way yes but I truly loved breastfeeding when I gave it a go. People feel differently and that’s okay.

I went in with the attitude that I would give it a go but if it didn't work out I wasn't going to be a martyr to it.
I can understand the arguments more for attempting breastfeeding than not, but it is your choice.
Fed is definitely best.

Of course you can choose not to breastfeed and of course that doesn't make you a bad mother. It's your body and your choice. The vast majority of mothers in the UK formula feed, and in the UK formula is a safe and nutritionally complete alternative.

It is worth noting that the NHS and the WHO will recommend breastfeeding because it is the biological norm and there are factors in breastmilk that cannot be replicated in formula. There is evidence that breastfeeding has benefits for the mother and the baby that formula does not offer. At a population level, higher breastfeeding rates are linked to better health outcomes. Because of all that it would be inappropriate of the NHS to not suggest breastfeeding as it's first choice of feeding method. But, no one should be pressurising you to start or continue breastfeeding, and any pressure like that is going to have its own negatives.

It is the best thing for baby. But not always the best thing for mum. You matter too

I breastfed both of mine for 18
Months each... was hard going with my first initially but after 6 weeks was easy.

Second was a dream.

I could not imagine fannying about with bottles tbh! Plus the expense of formula is outrageous!

Well.men can't breast feed so that a irrelevant
Breast feed / don't Breast feed nobody really cares apart from on these forums .

I chose FF as I'm lazy and wanted DH to share the night feeds. Bottles were a doddle.

Bf is recommended and biologically best, however it is more demanding than bottle feeding.

With bottle feeding there is a tonne of faff with sterilising bottles, baby may get sick more often (ear infections etc) without the immunological support, and you settling baby may be a bit harder. However, the pay off is that you can share feeding responsibility with DH and other family, giving you time away from baby whenever you want.

With breast it can be challenging. The main reason I found it so was that I didn’t have experience and the NHS support was substandard. Should you decide to try, go to meetings at la leche - preferably starting a month or so before baby is born to get an idea of positioning and all that…. I eventually found my way to them at 6wks pp and my god I went from feeling desperation and despair to enjoying breast feeding!! Loved it from 4m whenever I could pump and store milk. It all became really normal and I missed it massively whenever it stopped.

https://www.laleche.org.uk/

Ultimately, it is up to you, everyone has their own journey. If you can maybe try to do a few days just to get the colostrum into baby.

From what I experienced of the NHS, they were more supportive to bottle feeders, bringing round a bottle trolley with free milk every few hours…. Yet somehow couldn’t afford to pay a lactation consultant to support the breast feeders 🤷‍♀️

Your body your choice.

Society doesn't care - just the internet.

Men are not relevant to this.

But have you seen the price of gorilla theses days.

Just what I was going to say, of course it's your decision. Just ensure you do your research and go into it with as much information as you can, checking the accuracy of everything as you go.

You do you OP.
I also didn't want to breastfeed. Wasn't interested in it but instead I exclusively expressed and hired a hospital grade pump. It worked for me and I didn't have any issues or find it hard. It would've been a nightmare if I had tried to do both

You do what you're happy with.

No. I didn’t, I couldn’t stand the thought of it and frankly my first birth was so traumatic it just was not going to happen even if I had wanted to. My now nearly 13 year old is perfectly healthy.

In the nicest possible way, why do you even entertain the notion as to whether you ABU? It really doesn’t matter, it’s no one else’s business, it has no bearing on how much you love your child, I could go on.

Society doesn't expect it from men because they can't do it so there's no comparison to be made.

If you don't want to, don't do it. When they're older they won't be able to tell who was breast fed and who wasn't.

I didn't. I didn't even try.

Not one person put pressure on me.

I think you're missing out on an amazing experience (for you as well as your baby) by not even considering giving it a go. Our bodies are incredible and i think breastfeeding is something to be very proud of.

Well at the end of the day, that's true. It is what is recommended and it is what's best for baby. Those are facts.

What you decide to do is ultimately up to you as it's your body. But that doesn't change the fact that breastfeedingis best. And we need to change the narrative on "fed is best".

I choose to formula feed my ds. I have zero regrets. He feed well, slept well and grew to be healthy. I was happy and so was he.

I’m sorry but “fed is best” is a complete crock of shit. Fed is the bare minimum, anything else is neglect.

OP, ultimately your body, your choice and of course if you’re going to find it so stressful it will affect your mental health then it’s obviously best not to breastfeed. However I will admit that I find it a bit odd that someone wouldn’t even want to try given the overwhelming evidence in favour of breastfeeding. Of course some people are unable and nothing wrong with that, but I personally want to try and give my baby the best start nutritionally.

Also, for me there is increasing evidence coming out about UPF being damaging and formula milk is definitely UPF.

Most people in the UK choose not to. You won't be unusual. FWIW, I found that once your baby gets much beyond 6 months, a minority start to judge you for continuing to BF. So do whatever you feel is best for you, because you literally won't please everybody, and it's fuck all to do with most of them anyway. You're kind of a key figure in this decision.