aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

This always comes up. But it really isn't a faff. One batch of six once a day is hardly a faff.

Maybe people feel more able to say what they really think on here?

There's no "right" answer.

Midwives are supporting a population of women in England where the rate if exclusive breast feeding is just 24% by 6 weeks. They are nit paid to be critical of women's choices.

There are various reasons someone might not BF:

Women being made to feel uncomfortable about BFing in public because of our patriarchal society's sexualisation of breasts, being a big factor.

For me, this wasn't a reason NOT to give my baby the best and most natural food in the world.

Breastfeeding also creates an amazing bond.

But....

Some women have very fragile mental health and know that they will need Dad to help with night feeds in order to cope.

It IS painful initially. But you get through it.

Some women try and try, but no can't produce enough milk.

As several people have said OP, you do you. Ignore other's judgement & make your own decision based on facts & your situation.

@x2boys

There’s a difference between a person who says “I know breast is best, but I really don’t want to do it/can’t do it/feel my mental health would suffer”

And someone saying
“Modern formula is just as good as breast milk” and putting down bf mothers saying they’re ruining their mental health etc.

Everyone has a choice and that is totally up to the individual. But the latter opinion seeks to discourage people from bf which is just not beneficial or correct.

It should be encouraged and supported as much as possible. If after that someone doesn’t want to/can’t fair enough.

Are you saying you think the WHO may be wrong?

I chose not to breastfeed my 3 babies. My husband and his family were not happy with my choices and said I was being selfish and was missing out on the best thing in life. It honestly was the best thing I did for myself as I'm not comfortable with having my boobs out at anytime. I felt in control of how much they where feeding. My anxiety went through the roof with my first I don't think I would have copied at all if I added breastfeeding to the mix. I heaven in choices all my friends breastfeed and that's grate its just not for me.

Not at all, I didn't. I told everyone before she was even born - no one forced their opinions onto me. She's a happy, healthy 11 year old.

I bottle fed from birth as it was the right decision for me. I wanted my partner to be involved, I knew I couldn't hack to mental strain of it, I wanted to be able to leave my baby with family members and also the idea of breast feeding just didn't appeal to me. I had a perfect prep and a milton sterliser so making up bottles, washing and sterilising hardly took any time and was a complete doddle. Absolutely no regrets and I'd do the same again!

YANBU

Trust me by the time they get to 5 let alone teens you won’t give it a second thought. You won’t be obsessing re your child having a 100% organic diet with zero processed food for their entire childhood will you. Or that they have 10 portions of veg, no access to phones etc.You’ll strike a balance which is what parenting is all about. There are so many far, far bigger things to worry about and make choices on.

Trust me by the time they get to 13 and you’re worrying about MH, exposure to vaping, Monster, weed, phone damage etc you’ll laugh at the breast v formula debate.

At the end of the day a happy and healthy mum and baby is what matters. Correctly prepared formula provides that.Breast feeding made both my babies and I miserable and one ended up in hospital because of it. If I had my time again I’d do what made us all happiest straight away instead of agonising over and wrestling with breast feeding.

Your baby, your body, your choice.

@x2boys How many breastfeed poo nappies have you changed?

I’m sorry but the reason there are less feeds with formula and less nappy changes is because the gut cannot digest the formula quickly. Biologically impossible.

Breast fed poo is virtually liquid by comparison.

And I never said FF don’t bond with their babies.

I said I missed the bonding experience of breast feeding whenever it stopped. I really enjoyed feeling close to the babies like that, only between me and them.

Your body your choice in every circumstance. Presumably all these nearly 50% of people who are saying you are unreasonable to choose not to breastfeed also believe women do not have a choice with regard to termination and believe in forced births. That the foetus/babies are more important in all cases than the mothers. Sexist shits.

And breast feeding does not create an incredible bond for many many women and babies. It created dread and resentment for me and high cortisol in my starving babies picking up on my distress and frustration. The minute I switched to formula the bonding upped a gear and I actually started to enjoy my babies and feeding. They visibly did too.

@YaWeeFurryBastard But that is what 'fed is best' means...it means quit arguing/debating/trying to attempt something that is not working over just giving your child some food.
I know a normally very rational caring human who refuse to feed their child formula to the point at which their child's health was starting to be impacted because they were so fixated on breastfeeding.

Entirely up to you if you bf or not. Fed is best.
Personally I’m still breastfeeding my 18mo and love it. But it’s not come without its challenges and at some points a lot of pain along the way, and if I wasn’t happy to do it, I certainly wouldn’t have got very far with it.
Overall though, I’ve found it easier than sterilising everything and making up bottles and I’ve been lucky my Ds was always happy to take a bottle of formula on the occasion that I was out.
If you’re on the fence about it, maybe try bf for the first month or so and see how you get on. That way baby will get the colostrum and you’ll see if you get on with it or not. You can stop whenever you want to. But if you don’t want to do it at all, don’t be pressured into it. If your heart isn’t in it, you’ll just resent it.

There are pros and cons to both and you have to figure those out for yourself and ignore what others say. No amount of pros will help if you just really don't want to do it. Breastfeeding is cheaper and can be more convenient in that you don't need to sterilise bottles and cool boiled water and lug it all round with you. However breastfeeding is hard work. Nobody really prepares you for how hard it is. There's lots of talk about the benefits but not so much talk about the cluster feeds and how it can hurt or be uncomfortable for a while. I breastfed both of mine and there were times I really wished I'd formula fed, particularly the nights when I was the only one who could feed them because they just wouldn't take a bottle. Because you don't want to is definitely a legitimate reason to not breastfeed.

I really hope op reads every post

I found it easiest and cheapest. Also a nice experience and better for the baby. I was also told to feed on demand, as then the baby would learn to understand when it was hungry and full, and set up better regulation of this for life. My children are very good at this now and never overeat. Even sweets. They are very good at self regulation.
But no one can tell you what to do, it is your choice.

Absolutely this! They're not the ones that have to do it!
I tried to breastfeed my first but hated it, so I formula fed after a day. I felt like the worst mother in the world. With my second child, I didn't even try and by that point, I couldn't give a shit what anyone thought of me because my first child was absolutely happy and thriving.
You do you

I found it wss encouraged as much as possible during pregnancy but once the baby was born nobody helped and mothers were just left to.get on with it
Maybe things have changed as my babies are now nearly 17 and 13 but if not perhaps we should looks at , offering more support to.those that " WANT TO.Breast feed ,not berating those that dont.
Also.I don't see anyone discouraging someone from.bresst feeding quite the opposite
Its the mother,s choice no one eles,s

Nobody can force you do do anything you don't want to do regarding feeding your baby. The reality is though that there are definitely many advantages of breastfeeding, for the baby and the mother, and that's why I would definitely encourage any mother to at least try. The trying involves doing a bit of research beforehand, in terms of understanding how lactation actually works (for example knowing that it's colostrum for the first wee while and not expecting the milk to be flowing in pints, or that it can be a learning curve for both you and the baby), and also being very patient with your tired body and mind and little new human. A supportive partner can help immensely, as does a general support network for folk who understand how hard it is. Some people end up exclusively BF'ing for a long time, some for a shorter time, some combined feeing, some decide it's not for them. Of course a fed baby is the ultimate aim, but completely writing BF'ing off to start with just didn't feel right to me personally.

Good luck whatever you do.

Nice assumptions there, based on what facts exactly?

Your time IS worth nothing though, financially, unless you have some kind of side hustle that you'd do with the free time you spent not breastfeeding. When people say that they mean it's financially cheaper, which it is!

Why bother having a child if you’re not willing to do what’s best for it?

YANBU. It's a choice available to you. WHO does recommend it and you are aware. Still your choice.

Just please don't lie and say you couldn't I think too many people do that.

I’m due in January and feel a bit the same about it really. I’m definitely not going to be one of those mums who breast feeds for 2/3 years, but I’m going to give it a go and if it happens it happens. Definitely not breastfeeding past 6 months. And baby will have pumped milk and formula if needed. I’m also definitely not going to be one of those mums who breastfeeds in public! If baby is hungry in public she’ll have a bottle of pumped milk or formula.

Everyone has their own boundaries in how they want to breastfeed and if yours is not to breastfeed at all then it needs to be respected.