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Original poster

Would you find this inappropriate

211 replies

Mooshamoo · 19/10/2023 21:54

I recently went to my male doctor. He sent me a letter to go in and see him. I had gone in about stomach pain a couple of weeks before.

I was saying to him that I had really painful periods. And I asked to get a stronger painkiller as over the counter I was weren't working.

He said "do you have children" I said "no and I won't be having any". I'm 39.

He looked shocked and said " why wont you be having children?".

None of his business. But I said an answer

I said "eh because I'm quite Independent".

He said "so what are you doing to stop having children".

I said "eh I'm not currently having relationships or being with men "

He then said "have you ever had sex?".

At this point , I was like eh why is he asking
that, it's a bit of a strange question. I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I mumbled something like "yes but not since my last boyfriend". He sensed the awkwardness in the room so he said at that point "I'm only asking that because I can't put you on one of these contraceptives (the coil) if you've never had sex.

I hadn't gone in to get a cobtraceptive, I had gone in to get a painkiller. Ksaid 'i dont want to be put on a contraceptive, I want to get a painkiller" . He then did give me a painkiller.

I went out feeling a bit uncomfortable . What do you think. I know he wasn't extremely extremely inappropriate, but he was a bit inappropriate I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 14:31

Paperpurple · 20/10/2023 14:24

Why did he send a letter asking you to go in 2 years after last appointment . That's quite unusual.

It is our local GPS practice with about 6 different doctors.

I see a different doctor every time I go in.

They don't assign one doctor to you.

So I went to into the GP practice two weeks ago about stomach pain. I saw a different doctor that time.

Then the doctors practice sent me a letter two weeks later, and on the letter it asked me to go in and see this particular male doctor for a follow up.

The practice tells you what gp to see.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 20/10/2023 14:35

Bluesky85 · 20/10/2023 13:09

In my experience GPs seem obsessed with making sure all women are on permanent contraception. Every time I have gone to speak to a GP about my periods, or even other things, I always get asked ‘what contraception are you using?’ And I say, condoms/ not in a relationship and then they try and convince me to go on the pill/ coil etc. when I say no thanks, I then get a lecture. I think he was probably thinking about easing your period pains but also double win by preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Questions about sex maybe trying to get an ‘in’ into your sex life so he could then explain why the coil is most certainly necessary. It sounds like he lacks social skills though and doesn’t have a brilliant way with words!

Yes, before I hit menopause I was always asked this and always looked at askance when I said none, I’m infertile.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 20/10/2023 14:57

What do you want from this thread OP? If you think he is a pervert then why haven't you reported him? It has been a week since you found out he shoved his crotch in your mums face!

FluffyRabbitGal · 20/10/2023 15:06

Is it appropriate though? I used marina coils for my periods (and for family planning) for 17 years and have never been asked if I’ve had sex.

Gidrich · 20/10/2023 15:32

ChickenNugget6 · 20/10/2023 00:18

Yes but the doctor would need to break your hymen and it's quite painful for a woman who hasn't had sex.

Show quote history

Not necessarily- hymens can ‘break’ riding a bike or using a tampon or all sorts of things… and can stretch and move etc- first penetration is not necessarily painful at all.

Gidrich · 20/10/2023 15:44

Tohaveandtohold · 20/10/2023 13:39

I find it so hard to believe that there’s a doctor that has done what you described to your mum and your neighbour and also has always made you uncomfortable and ‘Independent and confrontational’ you still went for an appointment without asking for a chaperone or asking for another doctor.
I mean there’s no point making all that up just because you want to be right on an anonymous forum.
Also, all we have is your word and the doctor might have prefaced that he wants to see if there’s any other treatment options available for you before he asked those questions but the questions triggered you and that’s all you’re talking about. They were right questions in the context of you going in for a gynae issue and I’m sure if in future, something sinister was discovered as the cause of the pain which could have been tackled head on if discovered early, you’ll also point the blame at the doctors and say you’re always going in for painkillers but no one bothered to get to the bottom of why.
Anyway, if the doctor really always make you uncomfortable then just ask to never see him again.

Edited

I don’t find it hard to believe- here you don’t know who you are seeing until you turn up, and if you insisted on not seeing a particular doctor you would end up waiting even longer than you normally do. I can well imagine women continuing to put up with a bit of discomfort and awkwardness in order to see a doctor in a timely manner. Putting up with discomfort and awkwardness caused by men is normal for women on a regular basis.

Here we have one dermatologist- he is awful. Rude, sexiest, grumpy and unboundried… there isn’t a different one to choose. He doesn’t change his demeanour if you take a chaperone. We tried to go private to avoid him… and he is the only one in the 2 local private hospitals too 🤦‍♀️

Cherryberrypie · 20/10/2023 23:45

If you go to the doctors because your pain is so bad regular OTC painkillers don’t work, then the doctors job I’d to find out what is causing the pain.

he is not psychic, he needs to ask far reaching questions. You may find it embarrassing or awkward but the most important thing is to find out the cause of your pain.

if you are not happy with this, then go home and carry on on as you were. You clearly can’t be in agony or you would have been blood grateful for his help.

Lavender14 · 20/10/2023 23:57

Op, obviously if you get a creepy vibe from him then that's enough for you to ask not to see him in future. It's important that you're comfortable and feel secure during appointments. You don't need to explain why you feel that way, the fact you do is enough in itself.

In response to the specific questions he's asked I can see a number of logical reasons why you'd be asked that. For example, have you ever had sex- has a bearing on your liklihood of cervical cancer as I've already said, why don't you want children- very possibly because when you have very painful periods it could also be a signal for fertility issues so if you'd replied and said, oh I'm not sure if I can, then that would be important to explore with your gp and for him to know it's a concern for you. If he was to recommend a coil (there are different types of coil now so it seems from what you've been typing that you're more familiar with the copper coil which wouldn't be recommended for you for exactly the side effects you've mentioned), you'd need an sti panel done to avoid transferring infection into your womb. He could also be ruling out an sti as a cause for your pain.

It sounds like you feel he's a creepy which is fair enough, you don't need to justify that. But purely going on the questions alone they in themselves aren't inappropriate.

Angelou79 · 21/10/2023 09:12

my gynaecologist recently tried to fit the coil but as I’d not had children & have a tilted cervix I passed out so perhaps it is relevant

GnomeDePlume · 21/10/2023 09:43

Of course the questions may be relevant but there are ways of asking things which dont make the patient unnecessarily uncomfortable.

Some GPs and other HCPs are good at making patients feel comfortable to answer questions and have examinations. Some are, quite frankly, lousy at it.

If possible for OP I would strongly recommend going back to the practice and saying that the GP asked questions without explanation for why they were relevant and in a way which made her feel uncomfortable.

An essential part of ongoing training for HCPs is reflection. If the GP never has anyone say 'you did/said XYZ and the patient was uncomfortable with what you did/said' then he is just going to carry on.

Cosyblankets · 21/10/2023 10:58

Angelou79 · 21/10/2023 09:12

my gynaecologist recently tried to fit the coil but as I’d not had children & have a tilted cervix I passed out so perhaps it is relevant

Edited

I didn't quite pass out but it was really uncomfortable for me. I'll be asking for sedation if I have another.
Was definitely worth it for me though

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