Would you find this inappropriate

[Mooshamoo]

I recently went to my male doctor. He sent me a letter to go in and see him. I had gone in about stomach pain a couple of weeks before.

I was saying to him that I had really painful periods. And I asked to get a stronger painkiller as over the counter I was weren't working.

He said "do you have children" I said "no and I won't be having any". I'm 39.

He looked shocked and said " why wont you be having children?".

None of his business. But I said an answer

I said "eh because I'm quite Independent".

He said "so what are you doing to stop having children".

I said "eh I'm not currently having relationships or being with men "

He then said "have you ever had sex?".

At this point , I was like eh why is he asking
that, it's a bit of a strange question. I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I mumbled something like "yes but not since my last boyfriend". He sensed the awkwardness in the room so he said at that point "I'm only asking that because I can't put you on one of these contraceptives (the coil) if you've never had sex.

I hadn't gone in to get a cobtraceptive, I had gone in to get a painkiller. Ksaid 'i dont want to be put on a contraceptive, I want to get a painkiller" . He then did give me a painkiller.

I went out feeling a bit uncomfortable . What do you think. I know he wasn't extremely extremely inappropriate, but he was a bit inappropriate I think.

I think there are two separate issues here.
Was he being inappropriate? Maybe not in the questions asked but we don't know the tone in which they were asked. It may be clumsiness or some preconception, only you can answer that.
AYBU to not see this doctor again and to ask to see a different doctor? Absolutely not. You can request this for whatever reason you like, it's your choice. You may have to wait longer to see someone but it is your right to not to have a G.P. appointment with someone you are uncomfortable with. You could also ask for a chaperone if you are that unhappy with being seen alone by this doctor.

Hes investigating why you are having pain. It could have transpired that you find sex painful, so that's why you arent having sex currently. And that could have triggered a referral. No decent doctor would just hand out pain killers, because that's what the patient asked for, without investigating the cause. You will probably find that even if you go to another doctor asking for pain killers, they are going to want to know what's causing the issue. Not just keep handing them out. I assume they aren't painkillers you can buy over the counter, in which case they could be addictive and the doctors wouldn't just keep handing them out without investigating.

I don't think it's appropriate to justask women "have you ever had sex" when they go in for a painkiller though.

It wasn't relevant to what I was asking for, and I didnt want to talk to him about my sex life.

Now that I think of it -, I've seen at least 3 other female doctors about my painful periods over the last couple of years, and not one of them ever asked me "have I ever had sex. "

It's a rude and intrusive question.

Well a fair few gay women haven’t had penetrative sex for a start.

Switch GPS if you don’t like this one.

A I'm wondering if it were a conversation about contraceptive to help abdominal issues that you misunderstood in naïveté?

Not true I have a friend in her 50s who has never had sex. I had a coil years ago to help my painful periods. My doctor asked me if I was wanting to fall pregnant as he would try something else. You seem to just keep repeating your mum finds him creepy. I just think he worded it clumsily. Taking painkillers all the time isn’t helping to solve your problem.

You really have a hang up on this.

it’s not intrusive at all. His job is literally to explore reasons behind pain.

Painkillers do help painful periods. There are specific painkillers for period pain.

Ive heard horror stories about the coil. There is no way that I want to put something like that inside me. I've heard stories where it makes peoples periods longer and way worse. Why would I want that

Do you know any forty year old women that haven't had sex.

Yes. Don’t be so rude.

I am unsure why you have asked for an opinion from people and then are being combative. I think the only one being odd here is you.

His questions seemed perfectly relevant after you mentioned about the period pains.

Some 39 year olds haven't had penetrative sex so obviously he can't assume. Gosh I am surprised you are 39 and can't tell this doctor was asking normal questions!!!

Depends on the type of coil. Copper coil vs Mirena

However, it is not a GPS job to just keep handing out pain pills. His job is to investigate reasons and solutions.

You missed the point.

When I went to three female doctors about my painful periods, not one of them asked me about my sex life.

So why did he.

If your sex life is so relevant to your painful periods, wouldn't all doctors ask that. The female doctors never mentioned my sex life once.

He mentioned my sex life several times

Then your female Drs aren’t doing their job properly. I suspect they have asked similar questions but in a more palatable way to your sensitive little soul.

You are an absolute fool if you cannot understand what people are explaining to you in basic English.

Christ. There was no need for him whatsoever to ask me the question.

As I said , I've been to female doctors in the past about painful periods. Not one of them has ever asked me have I had sex. Ever.

If you think it's a reasonable question, why didn't any of the other doctors mention it. They never mentioned the word sex ever.

When my doctor told me that blood tests confirmed I'd had the menopause, the first thing he asked was if I wanted to go on HRT, and the second question he asked was, are you finding having sex uncomfortable. I was absolutely mortified, especially as I was divorced and not even in a relationship at the time.

Honestly, it sounds like the female doctors were negligent. Of course they should assess possible causes of pain. It may have been something far more sinister than simple period pain.

For example, if I visit my GP about headaches; they may ask about screen time or eye tests or caffeine or alcohol intake.

You seem fairly determined to ignore the carefully worded or neutral posts so maybe this will go down better -
"Yeah hun, he's well weird, probs fancied you, what a perv, best swerve that freak"

Omg you can’t be that stupid. It’s just not possible for an adult woman to not understand the concept of PID or STI’s and why it would be logical to ask if you’d had sex.

I disagree.

Again . I said to him specifically that I did not want to be put on contraception, so he had no medical grounds whatsoever to ask me have I ever had sex. It was nothing whatsoever to do with what we were talking about.

He also said to me "why don't you want children" which is also none of his business

I am unsure why you have asked for an opinion from people and then are being combative. I think the only one being odd here is you.

This. What are you hoping to get from this thread, OP?

You can disagree all you like petal. You don’t like the Dr. That’s fine. Don’t see him again, but for goodness sake stop playing the poor me card.

He could have been trying to ascertain if pain happens at other times, for example during sex.

He could have asked about children because perhaps you were not wanting to have children because of pain during sex, sexual trauma (which again might be relevant to the pain you are experiencing) or maybe you have a known fertility issue - for example, my tubes are both badly damaged through severe endo, therefore conceiving naturally is not possible - maybe your situation is similar and actually, your subfertility could be treated.

I don't think he fancies me, seeing as he makes my 75 year old mother and my 68 year old neighbour uncomfortable aswell.

I don't think he fancies anyone.

I think at best - he is very clumsy and has no idea how to talk to women. He makes women uncomfortable.

At worse he is a creep.

As i said previously , my mother said that she doesn't like that when she is sitting down in his room, he will come really close to her, too close, so his crotch is nearly right in her face.

If none of the doctors are asking you about how gynaecology problems are affecting you one of the main questions is are you having sex? is it painful? Do you have bleeding between periods? Do you have bleeding after sex?
I have been asked this by loads of doctors/ consultants over the years.
They asked me because they needed to find the cause and help me.
To be honest if your periods were that bad you would be more open to try certain contraceptives that help with period pain. Instead of just wanting painkillers.

Well...it sounds like you already decided he was a creep before seeing him.

🙄