Page 5 | Would you find this inappropriate

Mooshamoo · 2023-10-19T20:54:06+00:00

I recently went to my male doctor. He sent me a letter to go in and see him. I had gone in about stomach pain a couple of weeks before. I was saying to him that I had really painful periods. And I asked to get a stronger painkiller as over the counter I was weren't working. He said "do you have children" I said "no and I won't be having any". I'm 39. He looked shocked and said " why wont you be having children?". None of his business. But I said an answer I said "eh because I'm quite Independent". He said "so what are you doing to stop having children". I said "eh I'm not currently having relationships or being with men " He then said "have you ever had sex?". At this point , I was like eh why is he asking that, it's a bit of a strange question. I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I mumbled something like "yes but not since my last boyfriend". He sensed the awkwardness in the room so he said at that point "I'm only asking that because I can't put you on one of these contraceptives (the coil) if you've never had sex. I hadn't gone in to get a cobtraceptive, I had gone in to get a painkiller. Ksaid 'i dont want to be put on a contraceptive, I want to get a painkiller" . He then did give me a painkiller. I went out feeling a bit uncomfortable . What do you think. I know he wasn't extremely extremely inappropriate, but he was a bit inappropriate I think.

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 01:03

Kitkatandcoffee · 20/10/2023 00:59

If none of the doctors are asking you about how gynaecology problems are affecting you one of the main questions is are you having sex? is it painful? Do you have bleeding between periods? Do you have bleeding after sex?
I have been asked this by loads of doctors/ consultants over the years.
They asked me because they needed to find the cause and help me.
To be honest if your periods were that bad you would be more open to try certain contraceptives that help with period pain. Instead of just wanting painkillers.

I am not open to trying contraceptives because I have read a lot of bad stories about them.

First of all, the pill is not recommended to women over 35, as it can cause health problems .

Then Ive heard bad stories about the coil too

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2023 01:12

You've read and heard bad things but not actually spoken to a medical professional?

I would recommend going to your local.....what are they called now? Used to be called Family Planning Clinics! Well whatever they are called now, there. Thats where I went to discuss and eventually get my Mirena. Its not just teens getting the morning after pill and free condoms. The doctors, ime usually women, are very knowledgable and want to help you.

Ssme92 · 20/10/2023 01:12

You need to break down the facts:
You have been suffering period pain for a long time. (you mention you have seen 3 other doctors for the same issue). Clearly painkillers aren't fixing the issue so your GP was asking a line of questions in prep for offering you an alternative solution, one of which happens to be have you had sex before.... Well clutch your pearls ladies and say the rosary, a man used the word sex onfront of a woman! The horror.....

You have tried to back track about the "why would he ask a 39 year old woman if she has had sex" question. It is clear as day you meant that obviously a woman of your age has had sex. Many posters have commented saying they would prefer to be asked than it assumed so not you have contacted this "no that's not what I meant" bullshit. It's fully what you meant. If you meant "I didn't want a contraceptive so why was he asking me that" your age would be completely irrelevant and you wouldn't have said "of course she has".....

Your mother feeling uncomfortable with him too is neither her nor there.

You are refusing to try to understand the perspective people are giving you here, and just keep repeating the same points. Repetition of the same points isn't going to change our view point.

You have felt uncomfortable with him before and that is fine. You don't like his vibe, grand... Ask for a different GP! Simple! Stop trying to get random strangers on the Internet to agree that a GP they have never met is a creep.

Notamum12345577 · 20/10/2023 01:15

Mooshamoo · 19/10/2023 23:33

Do you not think asking a 39 year old woman "have you ever had sex" is a bit strange in itself? Like of course I've had sex.

If I was a doctor, I wouldn't say to a 40 year old woman "have you ever had sex". It's just weird.

Show quote history

Not all 39 year old women have had sex. Some haven’t, ie unmarried and don’t believe in sex before marriage etc

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 01:17

Ssme92 · 20/10/2023 01:12

You need to break down the facts:
You have been suffering period pain for a long time. (you mention you have seen 3 other doctors for the same issue). Clearly painkillers aren't fixing the issue so your GP was asking a line of questions in prep for offering you an alternative solution, one of which happens to be have you had sex before.... Well clutch your pearls ladies and say the rosary, a man used the word sex onfront of a woman! The horror.....

You have tried to back track about the "why would he ask a 39 year old woman if she has had sex" question. It is clear as day you meant that obviously a woman of your age has had sex. Many posters have commented saying they would prefer to be asked than it assumed so not you have contacted this "no that's not what I meant" bullshit. It's fully what you meant. If you meant "I didn't want a contraceptive so why was he asking me that" your age would be completely irrelevant and you wouldn't have said "of course she has".....

Your mother feeling uncomfortable with him too is neither her nor there.

You are refusing to try to understand the perspective people are giving you here, and just keep repeating the same points. Repetition of the same points isn't going to change our view point.

You have felt uncomfortable with him before and that is fine. You don't like his vibe, grand... Ask for a different GP! Simple! Stop trying to get random strangers on the Internet to agree that a GP they have never met is a creep.

No you're wrong.

Why on earth would I assume that every forty year old woman on the planet has had sex.

Of course I know that factually that is not true. There are many Catholic nuns for example who abstain from sex.

Do you really think I would assume that every single forty year old woman in the world has had sex. Really? That's crazy.

I grew up in ROI. I know many Catholic nuns. I know they don't have sex.

When I mentioned age , it was to do with me. I couldn't think of any reason why he would ask me why I had sex. I didn't want to have a contraceptive, so there was no need to ask me that , also at my age it is more likely that I would have had sex.

I'm not saying that every 40 year old in the world has had sex

OP posts:

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 01:21

Ssme92 · 20/10/2023 01:12

You need to break down the facts:
You have been suffering period pain for a long time. (you mention you have seen 3 other doctors for the same issue). Clearly painkillers aren't fixing the issue so your GP was asking a line of questions in prep for offering you an alternative solution, one of which happens to be have you had sex before.... Well clutch your pearls ladies and say the rosary, a man used the word sex onfront of a woman! The horror.....

You have tried to back track about the "why would he ask a 39 year old woman if she has had sex" question. It is clear as day you meant that obviously a woman of your age has had sex. Many posters have commented saying they would prefer to be asked than it assumed so not you have contacted this "no that's not what I meant" bullshit. It's fully what you meant. If you meant "I didn't want a contraceptive so why was he asking me that" your age would be completely irrelevant and you wouldn't have said "of course she has".....

Your mother feeling uncomfortable with him too is neither her nor there.

You are refusing to try to understand the perspective people are giving you here, and just keep repeating the same points. Repetition of the same points isn't going to change our view point.

You have felt uncomfortable with him before and that is fine. You don't like his vibe, grand... Ask for a different GP! Simple! Stop trying to get random strangers on the Internet to agree that a GP they have never met is a creep.

Painful periods are actually extremely common. And many women have painful periods. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong. Or that something needs to be fixed.

It is natural for many women to have painful periods.

Didn't a doctor release a study saying that period pains can be as painful as a heart attack.

OP posts:

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 20/10/2023 01:26

He sounds (at best) totally awkward. Also incorrect. My DD2 had a Mirena implanted at 14 for dysmenorrhea and she had never had sex. She had a twilight sedation and it went perfectly. It took a few months to “settle in” but she says it’s been life-changing. (She’s no longer passing out and totally anaemic for a start.)

skyofdiamonds · 20/10/2023 01:26

You are being over sensitive and dramatic.

I work in gynae and ask these questions day in, day out over and over and over again. There is a good reason for every single question.

A basic gynae history is needed from a woman in order to receive appropriate treatment and advice.

You went in with gynae related pain and therefore he is trying to help you.

There are plenty of women who have never had sex before aged 39 and above and it shouldn’t affect what they can offer you but may affect how challenging it is to facilitate.

Fionaville · 20/10/2023 01:29

I'm actually starting to think that the OP has never had sex. She doth protest too much! 😆

theduchessofspork · 20/10/2023 01:35

OP, at this point, any social weirdness in your doc is being surpassed by you by some margin.

As everyone had told you: he wasn’t being inappropriate, but may well have been awkward - however, if he’s giving you the creeps, of course you should switch GPs.
So just do that and stop obsessing.

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 01:37

Fionaville · 20/10/2023 01:29

I'm actually starting to think that the OP has never had sex. She doth protest too much! 😆

A hilarious thing to say to someone who feels uncomfortable after seeing the doctor.

There are a lot of responses like - you're being too sensitive and he's just asking questions, which are fine.

However, there are also a lot of male doctors who abuse their positions. That happens too

There was a doctor near me who recently got into big trouble. Girls would go into see him about sore throats and headaches, and he felt her breasts. It happened several times , and girls started complaining.

Some Male doctors can and do abuse their position

OP posts:

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 01:38

theduchessofspork · 20/10/2023 01:35

OP, at this point, any social weirdness in your doc is being surpassed by you by some margin.

As everyone had told you: he wasn’t being inappropriate, but may well have been awkward - however, if he’s giving you the creeps, of course you should switch GPs.
So just do that and stop obsessing.

What about him sticking his crotch into my mum's face. And my other neighbour has also said that he did something to her.

But hey it's our fault. As usual.

Its never the man's fault.

OP posts:

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 20/10/2023 01:39

Perhaps the doctor comes across as odd and awkward because he gets creeped out by prejudiced patients?

retinolalcohol · 20/10/2023 01:40

OP, with the greatest of respect, almost everyone here has disagreed with you. You've asked if you're being unreasonable, and been met with a resounding yes - because from the information presented, you are.

The doctor was not being creepy in this scenario. At worst he was clumsily doing his job. Sex is not a dirty word, and not a particularly intrusive topic in this context. You are being very uptight

If you'd gone in with an ear infection, fair enough. This was a gynae problem. Doctors will usually try to persuade you down other avenues rather than prescribing out high dosage painkillers. He was going down that route, to perhaps open a dialogue about a mirena coil.

You don't need to feel like a victim of anything because you're not one. You can go about your day, forget about this non issue and never see him again if that's your prerogative. Sorted

skyofdiamonds · 20/10/2023 01:43

Nobody is disputing what you are saying there but what you state happened in your original post is not at all related to what you are now saying about abusive doctors.

I would be more annoyed by a GP that doesn’t ask these questions and refers to Gynae without asking or offers inappropriate treatment without asking appropriate questions.

He didn’t even ask THAT many questions, perhaps look up gynae education resources and see just how many questions they usually ask to obtain a full gynae history and just how important they are to ensure safe practice.

You are extremely dismissive of gynae issues related to pain and just want a GP to hand out magical pills without investigating a cause. You’d probably be the first to complain about the GP doing that, if years down the line you were found to have severe endometriosis affecting bladder/bowels and it wasn’t picked up.

Your post really makes Gynae healthcare feel thankless.

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 01:43

retinolalcohol · 20/10/2023 01:40

OP, with the greatest of respect, almost everyone here has disagreed with you. You've asked if you're being unreasonable, and been met with a resounding yes - because from the information presented, you are.

The doctor was not being creepy in this scenario. At worst he was clumsily doing his job. Sex is not a dirty word, and not a particularly intrusive topic in this context. You are being very uptight

If you'd gone in with an ear infection, fair enough. This was a gynae problem. Doctors will usually try to persuade you down other avenues rather than prescribing out high dosage painkillers. He was going down that route, to perhaps open a dialogue about a mirena coil.

You don't need to feel like a victim of anything because you're not one. You can go about your day, forget about this non issue and never see him again if that's your prerogative. Sorted

With the greatest of respect. Not almost everyone here has disagreed with me.

And saying "why don't you want children" is not appropriate for a doctor to say.

Got it's late. It's nearly 2. I'd better go to bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 01:47

skyofdiamonds · 20/10/2023 01:43

Nobody is disputing what you are saying there but what you state happened in your original post is not at all related to what you are now saying about abusive doctors.

I would be more annoyed by a GP that doesn’t ask these questions and refers to Gynae without asking or offers inappropriate treatment without asking appropriate questions.

He didn’t even ask THAT many questions, perhaps look up gynae education resources and see just how many questions they usually ask to obtain a full gynae history and just how important they are to ensure safe practice.

You are extremely dismissive of gynae issues related to pain and just want a GP to hand out magical pills without investigating a cause. You’d probably be the first to complain about the GP doing that, if years down the line you were found to have severe endometriosis affecting bladder/bowels and it wasn’t picked up.

Your post really makes Gynae healthcare feel thankless.

Edited

Lol. I certainly don't expect a gp to hand out magical pills. You seem to think there is a problem in asking for painkillers.

This is the first time that I have ever asked a go for painkillers actually. I didn't even want a strong prescription painkiller. I wanted to know which was the correct one to take for period pains.
There are many painkillers that work better on different things.

I wanted his opinion on which painkiller was better for period pains. He discussed it with me and he said that there is a very good one for period pains and muscle cramps

OP posts:

Ssme92 · 20/10/2023 01:47

Do you really think I would assume that every single forty year old woman in the world has had sex. Really? That's crazy

@Mooshamoo the following are all quotes from you which beg to differ.......

It's also the way he said "have you ever had sex". Like, I'm 39!!

Do you not think asking a 39 year old woman "have you ever had sex" is a bit strange in itself? Like of course I've had sex.

If I was a doctor, I wouldn't say to a 40 year old woman "have you ever had sex". It's just weird.

Yes but why would you ask a 40 year old woman has she ever had sex. It's a bizarre question to ask. Of course she has had sex. Do you know any forty year old women that haven't had sex.

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 01:54

Ssme92 · 20/10/2023 01:47

Do you really think I would assume that every single forty year old woman in the world has had sex. Really? That's crazy

@Mooshamoo the following are all quotes from you which beg to differ.......

It's also the way he said "have you ever had sex". Like, I'm 39!!

Do you not think asking a 39 year old woman "have you ever had sex" is a bit strange in itself? Like of course I've had sex.

If I was a doctor, I wouldn't say to a 40 year old woman "have you ever had sex". It's just weird.

Yes but why would you ask a 40 year old woman has she ever had sex. It's a bizarre question to ask. Of course she has had sex. Do you know any forty year old women that haven't had sex.

Yes I was saying that it is more likely for a 40 year old woman to have had sex. And I was saying I couldn't understand why he asked me that.

Again, I did not say, and I'm not saying, that every single 40 year old woman in the world has had sex.

OP posts:

burnoutbabe · 20/10/2023 01:58

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 19/10/2023 23:58

Why do you assume every 39 yo woman has had penetrative sex? I find that rude.

Not every woman has had sex, and many women are gay and not necessarily having penetrative sex. My partner has never been penetrated.

Indeed. I know quite a few 40 year old virgins -my sister and sister in law (sisters wife)

Canisaysomething · 20/10/2023 01:59

Why would you go to the drs thinking they would prescribe prescription painkillers for periods without suggesting less harmful options? A coil is significantly less harmful and costly than regular strong prescription painkillers.

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 02:02

burnoutbabe · 20/10/2023 01:58

Indeed. I know quite a few 40 year old virgins -my sister and sister in law (sisters wife)

Show quote history

Ahhhh.

Again, for people in the back.

I never said that I think that every forty year old woman has had sex.

I said about age in the context of what he asked me, that I couldn't understand why he asked me that.
My age was one reason why I couldn't understand. That I hadn't asked for contraception was another reason.

I don't know how many times I need to say this. I do not think and I never did think, that every forty year old woman in the world has had sex.

I live in the Republic of Ireland . Many nuns taught me and live near me. I know that they choose not to have sex.

Christ almighty. Why would I possibly think that every forty year old woman in the whole world has had sex. I don't!

OP posts:

OzziePopPop · 20/10/2023 02:04

The thing is…. You don’t go to the doctor and tell them what you want. You go to the doctor and explain your problem, they then offer a solution (which you are free to decline). They may offer more than one solution if you’re lucky. In your case, you said you’d seen other doctors for the same problem before, he may well have notes on his screen showing that. He’d therefore see you’re back again for the same problem… ie previous ‘solutions’ haven’t worked. He therefore was exploring a totally new solution (a coil to lighten/stop periods). Reasonable.

Original poster

Mooshamoo · 20/10/2023 02:04

Canisaysomething · 20/10/2023 01:59

Why would you go to the drs thinking they would prescribe prescription painkillers for periods without suggesting less harmful options? A coil is significantly less harmful and costly than regular strong prescription painkillers.

I didn't necessarily want a prescription painkiller. What I wanted was his advice on what painkiller to take. As different painkillers target different things.

He advised me to get a painkiller, which can be bought over the counter. I don't need a prescriprion for it.

It is a painkiller that specifically targets period pains and muscle spasms

OP posts:

Ssme92 · 20/10/2023 02:18

OP... "I asked to get a stronger painkiller as over the counter I was weren't working."

Also OP:... "I didn't necessarily want a prescription painkiller."

You said in the first post over the counter weren't working! 😅

Anyway to conclude my opinion on all of this, YABU to think this particular situation was inappropriate, YANBU to feel like you get a bad vibe, as we can't help those feelings and should therefore request a different GP going forward.