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AIBU?

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Original poster

He will go to the police? Would they take this seriously?

217 replies

ThanksDep · 19/10/2023 12:36

I recently asked ex to contribute to our daughter’s nursery fees. He pays maintenance through cms but it covers a fraction of it and obviously there are everyday costs too for her that I shoulder.

I asked him politely and referenced another couple that we both know are separated and they divide all cost fairly and not just 12 % cms which is a minimum. He has responded to say he won’t be paying more and if he finds out I have told people what he is and isn’t paying that he will go to the police and log it as harassment. I haven’t actually said I would do that but I suppose I have implied it by referring to another couple we both know and to be honest I think I would be transparent about it as it’s having a hugely detrimental impact on my life. I have a decent job but I am in debt each month by a small amount because the nursery is so expensive. There is nowhere cheaper in the area either. It’s average UK price for nursery.

I feel weird that he has suddenly said this? Would the police take this seriously? My post probably sounds like I am guilty of something but I am just very anxious (as he knows) and what he has said has upset me on top of all the struggles he has caused. He refuses to see Dd so I don’t get any input from him with anything practically either.

OP posts:
Redlarge · 19/10/2023 18:30

Hes talking shite.

Themerrygoround · 19/10/2023 18:46

He’s threatening you into silence . Because he doesn’t want you telling the truth abs everyone knowing what useless . It’s not harassment and would only be slander if t was lies .

Laugh In his face and tell him exactly what he is
Tell him everyone is getting to know how useless a dad he is. If he’s embarrass so he should be .

Notjustabrunette · 19/10/2023 18:47

First off if you look up what counts as harassment legally, you will be able to judge if your actions would be included. It doesn’t look like it. If he did report you, he would actually look like the harasser rather than the harassee. Secondly, look into to your childcare options, you may find that you are entitled to more than you think. As a single parent you might get the 40 hours of free childcare from 2 for example.

Manchester1990 · 19/10/2023 18:49

TELL THEM ALL

he deserves to be embarrassed, with any luck it will shame him into stepping up but even if it does not then at least you get to keep embarrassing him.

also well done on being an amazing mother, it’ll pay off one day.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/10/2023 19:02

I’d send him the 101 number and state that telling the truth is in no way a criminal offence!

Acornsoup · 19/10/2023 19:05

OP on £38k you will be entitled to universal credit towards child care and possible housing as well as an element for your DC. If you are to already please claim asap. They won't take CM in to account. This fucker has really done a job on you Daffodil

vernatheraven · 19/10/2023 19:50

Kerrylass · 19/10/2023 12:41

His trying to control the narrative. His embarrassed at some level that he contributes so little and doesn't want anyone knowing it.
He hasnt got anything on you

10000% this. If it's the truth what grounds has he got.

IncompleteSenten · 19/10/2023 19:54

Tell him if he's embarrassed that he contributes so little towards his child then the solution is to contribute an amount that he wouldn't try to make you hide.

tiredmama23 · 19/10/2023 20:01

Not even close to the definition of harassment, don't worry OP.

NewName122 · 19/10/2023 20:39

Do a Facebook post and tag him

Dymaxion · 19/10/2023 21:08

I would be tempted to reply ' but surely they already know you pay the absolute minimum and actively choose to never see DD ? so they aren't going to be in the least bit suprised if I mention those facts are they ?'

Worriedmum159 · 19/10/2023 21:33

Really surprised at the number of posters suggesting making this into some sort of petty game.

The OP is at risk from this man making false allegations. Communicating with him and winding him up is the worst thing she could do.

The police will do what they do, that this doesn’t meet the legal test for harassment might not come out until OP has been arrested and had her devices seized and her reputation ruined.

Feckless twat will not give a shit what sort of passive aggressive reply he gets.

CapturedLeprechaun · 19/10/2023 21:48

OP, on a salary of 38K with £1.3K childcare costs, you'd be entitled to approx £500pm on universal credit, and that's if you don't rent. If you rent, you'd be entitled to more.

19847499fddqqedxx · 19/10/2023 21:56

Put a claim in for universal credit, see if they can cover 85% of nursery fees so you don’t have to rely on him.
go to entitledto.co..uk to see if your eligible

BiddyPop · 20/10/2023 08:09

How is it harassment if you are giving factually correct information to someone else and not to him?!

ewright86 · 20/10/2023 19:06

Yeah the police wouldn’t even be interested. Stick what you want on Facebook. As long as you’re not threatening anyone they wouldn’t care.

FreddieMercurysCat · 20/10/2023 19:07

The police would tell him that it’s a civil matter and tell him to jog on. He’s talking absolute shite.

RecklessGoddess · 20/10/2023 19:22

He's a narcissistic arsehole, thank goodness you are no longer with him. I'm sure the police will threaten him for wasting police time. He sounds just like my ex, who constantly told me that he has far more money than me, and that he can easily take me to court for full custody. And, he even used to complain about me not putting money towards his day trips with our youngest child, on the days he had her. He used to give me £40 per month, when I wasn't working (didn't work until she started school, because that's what I did with our much older sons). Then used to tell me, that if I went to CMS, they would just deduct whatever they made him give me, from my benefits. I now know him to be a narcissist, who controlled my life, even after we split up. They will do anything to control you, including threatening you with lies!

Blueblell · 20/10/2023 19:51

Don’t let him intimidate you! He knows he is a shit and doesn’t want anyone to know.

fetchacloth · 20/10/2023 19:52

MamaBear2210T · 19/10/2023 12:37

The police would just laugh at this. It's not harassment.

This really. He needs to grow up and accept his responsibilities.

Lalalablablabla · 20/10/2023 20:44

He doesn’t want you to tell anyone because he knows he pays a pittance.

Reugny · 20/10/2023 21:42

NewName122 · 19/10/2023 20:39

Do a Facebook post and tag him

That could be considered harassment simply for the tagging.

A post alone stating I pay all my daughter's £1300 nursery fees and my daughter last saw her father when she was born, could never be considered harassment.

Smugglerstop · 20/10/2023 21:54

You can claim on UC for them to pay a % of your nursery fees if a lone parent but if you're on 38k it may not be huge. If you were part time then you could claim more.

DoughBallss · 20/10/2023 22:02

He sounds like an idiot.

Have you looked at local schools? The one by me takes children from 2 years old and it’s £22 per day! Wish I knew that when I was paying private school prices until she was ‘old enough’ to go to school 🤣

ThistleTits · 20/10/2023 22:12

Does he think the police are his personal militia? He's a nasty bstd. Ignore him and discreetly tell people the truth.