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To deeply resent DP? I think I'm traumatised

354 replies

nle · 17/10/2023 10:45

I posted about this at the time so will try and keep it brief.

DP and I have been on and off for 4.5 years.

Last year, we split but had started seeing each other again, dates, sleeping together, basically acting like normal. I then became pregnant on the pill.

The day I found out he came over and told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and was "abandoning" us. His family, whom I was very close to blocked me on all social media (his mum, dad and sister). His mum said "but X doesn't want a baby". Neither did I!

He then contacted me three weeks later asking what decision I had made, I refused to tell him. He said I was wrong for this and basically made me out to be the villain.

He said that he and his family had actually wanted to be involved all along, but they were trying to manipulate me into an abortion by thinking I was going to have to raise the baby alone.

I ended up having a miscarriage and didn't tell him until later.

I eventually told him I had miscarried, over the phone. He called me names, said that he hated the thought of being tied to me forever, he accused me of sleeping with someone (I hadn't), he said there was no excuse for me to have withheld information about the pregnancy from him.

He also said he didn't want me around our friends anymore (they were his friends first). He showed people the messages of me breaking down during the height of it all. Totally humiliated me and essentially made me out to be crazy.

I attempted suicide as a result of this time, he knows this.

We are now back together. We had no contact for six months. Our families don't know.

The only time he has said sorry was when I had asked for an apology and it was a forced "sorry!" Like a disgruntled child.

He justifies what he did by saying he had a "tough choice" to make and that the way he went about things was his only option. That he knew a baby would be bad for both of us, so he did this to help us and his family.

He said "I still think you were going to keep that baby", he actually has no idea whether I was or wasn't.

This isn't the only time he's been a dick. I won't bore you with the rest of the stories.

The way he treats me has vastly improved, we have a really, really great time together. Rarely argue or have disagreements.

I just can't move on from it, I resent him and when I think about the situation and what I went through, I feel sick to my stomach.

Has anyone every moved on by something so major? I know this is probably just a big thing to me, but I can change the effect it had.

If it weren't for these big fuck ups he pulls off, he could've been the one.

Day to day, I love everything about him.

OP posts:
FannyBawz · 17/10/2023 10:48

Why are you back with him? 😱

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 10:48

What a shit show

please please please do not bring a child in to drama

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 17/10/2023 10:48

Personally, I think you would be a fool to stay with him. He and his family sound unhinged and manipulative at best! If you were my friend IRL I would be doing all I could to support in ditching him and cutting all ties!

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 10:48

Day to day, I love everything about him.

oh Buck up OP FGS

CoalCraft · 17/10/2023 10:48

This man and his family are horrible. You deserve better. Please break up with him for good and never see him again.

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/10/2023 10:49

You need to end the relationship. You’re both miserable with the wider picture of it all, and he’s never going to be the supportive partner you’re looking for.

AlwaysFreezing · 17/10/2023 10:49

This doesn't sound like a solid foundation for a long and loving relationship.

I wouldn't be trying to make this work, I'd be separate from him and trying to rebuild a life well away from him.

It's meant to bring joy, be fun, not traumatic and toxic. You can choose to be free.

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 10:49

are there any children already on either side?

nle · 17/10/2023 10:50

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/10/2023 10:49

You need to end the relationship. You’re both miserable with the wider picture of it all, and he’s never going to be the supportive partner you’re looking for.

He isn't miserable.

He goes on about how much he loves me, loves spending time with me, wants a future, the connection is so special etc.

He literally never argue about me or anything I've done. He's happy as Larry in the relationship.

He doesn't know how I feel.

OP posts:
Coldinscotland · 17/10/2023 10:51

He sounds like your worst enemy... Get rid op. Or your life will be a constant stream of drama (his family) and abuse (him)..

nle · 17/10/2023 10:51

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 10:49

are there any children already on either side?

I have a child from a previous relationship.

He and DS don't have anything to do with each other. I see DP on my child-free days.

OP posts:
Taylorswiftserastour · 17/10/2023 10:51

He's shown you who he is. When you needed him he was abusive instead of supportive, he allowed his family to be abusive to you. That's him. That's what he's like.

Why do you want to be with someone like that?

bombastix · 17/10/2023 10:51

Kindly, this man is scum of the first water. It would not surprise me if he were abusive in many ways aside from what you have described here.

Evidently he enjoys messing with your mind and has contributed to your mental state worsening.

I would see a counsellor and your GP and start building a better life without this emotional vampire

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 10:51

nle · 17/10/2023 10:51

I have a child from a previous relationship.

He and DS don't have anything to do with each other. I see DP on my child-free days.

Shit

Humidititties · 17/10/2023 10:52

Can't believe you took him back, I don't predict this ending well

nutbrownhare15 · 17/10/2023 10:52

I'm not sure why you are back together but no there is no going back from this unless you want a miserable life. He is very likely to treat you similarly in future in other high stress moments. Walk away.

PerspiringElizabeth · 17/10/2023 10:52

What the fuck. Why exactly are you even in touch with him, let alone back with him???

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 10:53

This reply has been deleted

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Dahlia444 · 17/10/2023 10:53

We are now back together
This was your mistake. Sorry he sounds awful. He's shown you for what he is.

INeedAnotherName · 17/10/2023 10:53

In a nutshell his behaviour pushed you to try to kill yourself but now you have restarted dating him?

Oh OP, run like the wind if you want to live. Just get the hell away.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/10/2023 10:53

Why the actual F are you with him again?
Sorry but you have gone in with your eyes wide open and can’t be surprised when he inevitably reverts to type.

crumblingschools · 17/10/2023 10:54

Please raise your bar.

What would happen if you got pregnant again, surely he would end up spending time with your other child

Soubriquet · 17/10/2023 10:54

Why the FUCK have you gotten back together with him? Run girl run

AmazingSnakeHead · 17/10/2023 10:54

Jesus christ leave him

SaracensMavericks · 17/10/2023 10:54

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. He behaved appallingly towards you and doesn't seem remorseful at all. I think it's reasonable that you can move past this. Perhaps it was so awful that you're right not to be able to live past it?

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