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To deeply resent DP? I think I'm traumatised

354 replies

nle · 17/10/2023 10:45

I posted about this at the time so will try and keep it brief.

DP and I have been on and off for 4.5 years.

Last year, we split but had started seeing each other again, dates, sleeping together, basically acting like normal. I then became pregnant on the pill.

The day I found out he came over and told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and was "abandoning" us. His family, whom I was very close to blocked me on all social media (his mum, dad and sister). His mum said "but X doesn't want a baby". Neither did I!

He then contacted me three weeks later asking what decision I had made, I refused to tell him. He said I was wrong for this and basically made me out to be the villain.

He said that he and his family had actually wanted to be involved all along, but they were trying to manipulate me into an abortion by thinking I was going to have to raise the baby alone.

I ended up having a miscarriage and didn't tell him until later.

I eventually told him I had miscarried, over the phone. He called me names, said that he hated the thought of being tied to me forever, he accused me of sleeping with someone (I hadn't), he said there was no excuse for me to have withheld information about the pregnancy from him.

He also said he didn't want me around our friends anymore (they were his friends first). He showed people the messages of me breaking down during the height of it all. Totally humiliated me and essentially made me out to be crazy.

I attempted suicide as a result of this time, he knows this.

We are now back together. We had no contact for six months. Our families don't know.

The only time he has said sorry was when I had asked for an apology and it was a forced "sorry!" Like a disgruntled child.

He justifies what he did by saying he had a "tough choice" to make and that the way he went about things was his only option. That he knew a baby would be bad for both of us, so he did this to help us and his family.

He said "I still think you were going to keep that baby", he actually has no idea whether I was or wasn't.

This isn't the only time he's been a dick. I won't bore you with the rest of the stories.

The way he treats me has vastly improved, we have a really, really great time together. Rarely argue or have disagreements.

I just can't move on from it, I resent him and when I think about the situation and what I went through, I feel sick to my stomach.

Has anyone every moved on by something so major? I know this is probably just a big thing to me, but I can change the effect it had.

If it weren't for these big fuck ups he pulls off, he could've been the one.

Day to day, I love everything about him.

OP posts:
SaracensMavericks · 17/10/2023 20:55

Well done OP. I hope you are ok.

Sorchamarie · 17/10/2023 21:15

So pleased to hear that OP. Was so worried for you reading all the awful things your ex did to you. He really is truly despicable and he would have trashed your mental health even more if you'd stayed with him. Please stay strong and ignore any attempts he might make to change your mind. Best wishes!

capabilityfrowns · 17/10/2023 21:15

Well done op

Don't undo it , it just takes longer to get over if you try and maintain any contact

Write down all the shitty things he did and in moments of weakness read them . And feel how you felt then . Remember what it was like . Don't put the rose tinted specs on , remember the reality when you NEEDED him and his support, remember what you actually got.

And don't look back . Keep posting if it does help . Many women have gone through this , and come out of the other side , and those women will support you . Ignore the fortunate smugs who can't possibly imagine themselves in this situation,

It can happen to anyone . But you've seen the light and now you have to stay strong .

Get some counselling. Talk it through with someone even a friend or relative. You'll realise how off his behaviour was . And get angry.

QueenBitch666 · 17/10/2023 21:21

This must be a wind up 🙄

capabilityfrowns · 17/10/2023 21:27

Why must it ? Because you've been so fortunate never to have been so abused , downtrodden and have self esteem so low you don't realise you deserve better?

Lucky you queenbitch. Nice user name .

Leopardpj · 17/10/2023 21:35

Well done OP hope you manage to stay strong x

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/10/2023 21:51

@QueenBitch666 - a thread like this, where a poster is sharing deep pain and mental health struggles is NOT the place to troll hunt. If you disbelieve the OP, report it to MNHQ, so they can look into it.

Don’t say something so potentially damaging on the thread.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/10/2023 22:01

Well done Op. I’m so pleased to hear you’ve done the best thing for you and your child.

Please stay away from him now.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 17/10/2023 22:01

I'm going to quote Whitney Houston: "I'd rather be alone than unhappy". This man did not make you happy, he made you suicidally miserable. Stay strong, you are better without him.

nancypowers1983 · 17/10/2023 22:20

Proud of you @nle and I sincerely wish you the best Flowers

capabilityfrowns · 17/10/2023 22:23

Funny how now the entertainment stopped people (most) can now scroll on

Op can't be honest . Because of the vitriol.

whereisthecheese · 18/10/2023 07:11

So proud of you OP. It's so incredibly hard to end abusive relationships. You do deserve better, you will find better. You just have to know you deserve the good stuff

Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 18/10/2023 07:18

Well done OP. He probably won't leave it there and may arrive at your door or have his family contact you. Stay strong and remember your happiness is more important to you than his.

Bluetrews25 · 18/10/2023 09:16

Well done
Things will get better for you
Sending love Flowers

pinkyredrose · 18/10/2023 09:33

Be strong. Be prepared for him to turn up at your door, think about what you'll say.

Balloonhearts · 18/10/2023 09:37

You really need to work on your self respect.

What he did is unforgivable and I can't imagine ever speaking to someone again if they did that to me. He's manipulative, controlling, emotionally abusive and just overall a horrible person.

You must think really little of yourself to have got back with him.

Balloonhearts · 18/10/2023 09:46

And since you clearly can't see it, I'll say it straight up. You are intelligent, obviously very caring as you only seem to see the best in him. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER. And what's more, you deserve better. Ditch the loser, find a man who is honest, straightforward and kind and actually treats you like someone he loves.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 18/10/2023 09:56

Think your mind is telling uou what in reality you probably know. You cannot have a decent relationship which is based on resentment.
Not sure how you got back together unless you were in a very dark place and needed someone which is totally understandable.

Please think this through, his and his family's behaviour was atrocious. You do not need to 'put up with it' and you deserve MUCH better treatment and a decent, loving relationship. ❤️ x

Outnumbered99 · 18/10/2023 10:55

Thinking of you OP, hoping you are staying strong, that you have support around you, and wishing you all the very best. Please know that you are being thought about 💐

nle · 18/10/2023 17:28

Thank you. He hasn't turned up at my door or found another way to contact me, although I have been at work all day.

My mum is staying with me for another reason, she doesn't know what's going on but having some adult company is comforting nonetheless.

I have felt ok today. I get waves of sadness but nothing too much.

OP posts:
Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 18/10/2023 18:16

Well done OP. Stay strong. You deserve more.

19847499fddqqedxx · 18/10/2023 19:17

Stay strong OP you got this and I’m really glad you’ve made this decision may your life only get better from this moment onwards x

Throckmorton · 18/10/2023 19:48

Well done! I bet that with a bit of time you will feel so much better without him!

Emeal123 · 18/10/2023 19:53

Taylorswiftserastour · 17/10/2023 10:51

He's shown you who he is. When you needed him he was abusive instead of supportive, he allowed his family to be abusive to you. That's him. That's what he's like.

Why do you want to be with someone like that?

Agreed. I felt so sad reading your post OP, I hope you are able to prioritise yourself and find happiness without him in the near future

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 15:50

I’m so hoping you have stuck to this Op

I fear that my hope may be misplaced though