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To deeply resent DP? I think I'm traumatised

354 replies

nle · 17/10/2023 10:45

I posted about this at the time so will try and keep it brief.

DP and I have been on and off for 4.5 years.

Last year, we split but had started seeing each other again, dates, sleeping together, basically acting like normal. I then became pregnant on the pill.

The day I found out he came over and told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and was "abandoning" us. His family, whom I was very close to blocked me on all social media (his mum, dad and sister). His mum said "but X doesn't want a baby". Neither did I!

He then contacted me three weeks later asking what decision I had made, I refused to tell him. He said I was wrong for this and basically made me out to be the villain.

He said that he and his family had actually wanted to be involved all along, but they were trying to manipulate me into an abortion by thinking I was going to have to raise the baby alone.

I ended up having a miscarriage and didn't tell him until later.

I eventually told him I had miscarried, over the phone. He called me names, said that he hated the thought of being tied to me forever, he accused me of sleeping with someone (I hadn't), he said there was no excuse for me to have withheld information about the pregnancy from him.

He also said he didn't want me around our friends anymore (they were his friends first). He showed people the messages of me breaking down during the height of it all. Totally humiliated me and essentially made me out to be crazy.

I attempted suicide as a result of this time, he knows this.

We are now back together. We had no contact for six months. Our families don't know.

The only time he has said sorry was when I had asked for an apology and it was a forced "sorry!" Like a disgruntled child.

He justifies what he did by saying he had a "tough choice" to make and that the way he went about things was his only option. That he knew a baby would be bad for both of us, so he did this to help us and his family.

He said "I still think you were going to keep that baby", he actually has no idea whether I was or wasn't.

This isn't the only time he's been a dick. I won't bore you with the rest of the stories.

The way he treats me has vastly improved, we have a really, really great time together. Rarely argue or have disagreements.

I just can't move on from it, I resent him and when I think about the situation and what I went through, I feel sick to my stomach.

Has anyone every moved on by something so major? I know this is probably just a big thing to me, but I can change the effect it had.

If it weren't for these big fuck ups he pulls off, he could've been the one.

Day to day, I love everything about him.

OP posts:
cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 15:51

nle · 18/10/2023 17:28

Thank you. He hasn't turned up at my door or found another way to contact me, although I have been at work all day.

My mum is staying with me for another reason, she doesn't know what's going on but having some adult company is comforting nonetheless.

I have felt ok today. I get waves of sadness but nothing too much.

I would be shocked and baffled if your mother had “no idea what’s going on” OP

Birch101 · 27/10/2023 16:24

You love him, but when you were at your most vulnerable he treated you abhorrently.
What would you tell your best friend if she were telling you this?

He has shown you a real part of his character especially betraying your trust by showing friends your messages. He is directly linked to you attempting suicide???

Please leave this person in the rear view mirror.

ConsuelaHammock · 27/10/2023 16:31

He’s not the one and you’re not his ‘one’ if a surprise pregnancy scared him away. For better or worse !!
He doesn’t love you enough so don’t settle for someone who is settling for you.

StripeyDeckchair · 27/10/2023 16:38

Why are you with this idiot?

Leave
Make a new life for yourself, without him.
Hes abusive
His behaviour will only become more abusive
Leave now and don't look back

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