To deeply resent DP? I think I'm traumatised

[nle]

I posted about this at the time so will try and keep it brief.

DP and I have been on and off for 4.5 years.

Last year, we split but had started seeing each other again, dates, sleeping together, basically acting like normal. I then became pregnant on the pill.

The day I found out he came over and told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and was "abandoning" us. His family, whom I was very close to blocked me on all social media (his mum, dad and sister). His mum said "but X doesn't want a baby". Neither did I!

He then contacted me three weeks later asking what decision I had made, I refused to tell him. He said I was wrong for this and basically made me out to be the villain.

He said that he and his family had actually wanted to be involved all along, but they were trying to manipulate me into an abortion by thinking I was going to have to raise the baby alone.

I ended up having a miscarriage and didn't tell him until later.

I eventually told him I had miscarried, over the phone. He called me names, said that he hated the thought of being tied to me forever, he accused me of sleeping with someone (I hadn't), he said there was no excuse for me to have withheld information about the pregnancy from him.

He also said he didn't want me around our friends anymore (they were his friends first). He showed people the messages of me breaking down during the height of it all. Totally humiliated me and essentially made me out to be crazy.

I attempted suicide as a result of this time, he knows this.

We are now back together. We had no contact for six months. Our families don't know.

The only time he has said sorry was when I had asked for an apology and it was a forced "sorry!" Like a disgruntled child.

He justifies what he did by saying he had a "tough choice" to make and that the way he went about things was his only option. That he knew a baby would be bad for both of us, so he did this to help us and his family.

He said "I still think you were going to keep that baby", he actually has no idea whether I was or wasn't.

This isn't the only time he's been a dick. I won't bore you with the rest of the stories.

The way he treats me has vastly improved, we have a really, really great time together. Rarely argue or have disagreements.

I just can't move on from it, I resent him and when I think about the situation and what I went through, I feel sick to my stomach.

Has anyone every moved on by something so major? I know this is probably just a big thing to me, but I can change the effect it had.

If it weren't for these big fuck ups he pulls off, he could've been the one.

Day to day, I love everything about him.

There are no limits to the treatment some women will accept just to have the prize of a man.
Have some self respect, or if you are I’ll get help

Why in the name of god are you back with this world beating bellend?

FFS OP, do better for your child if you won't do better for yourself.

What on earth do you expect the responses to be on here ?
Have some self respect ,put your child first and dump the shit then get some higher standards.

Omg why are you staying with a man who treated you like a piece of dirt he wiped out his shoes. You would be better of alone than with him. As for his family they are very toxic as is your DP.

Quite honestly as a mum of boys I would never even contemplate behaving like this towards a partner of my son's. They are still children but as adults I would expect my son's to man up and support someone they made a baby with. Regardless of if they wanted a child or not they helped create one so they need to stand by the mother of the child regardless of her decision and if she decides to have the baby then stand by the baby and raise it. I would also be supporting the mother not blocking them and behaving crazy. OP I had an unplanned 3rd pregnancy with Dc3 and it was a huge shock. DH supported me end of. He knew it took 2 to make a baby. We now have a gorgeous 4 year old together along with 2 older kids.

I genuinely am appalled at how your DP and his family behaved towards you. You need to leave him now and never look back. You do not need him. He needs you. Walk away with your head held high and find someone who deserves you and your DS. A man who will treat you well and support you.

This man made you feel as though you wanted to end your life, even though you had a child and yet you’re back together?

You and your son deserve better.
**
Somehow you need to make yourself believe this and find the strength to leave before it ends badly

What is there to love?
He’s shown himself to be immature, cruel, manipulative, verbally abusive and will abandon you at the first sign of something he doesn’t like. He’s happy to humiliate you and dictate who you can be friends with.
If he’ll abandon you in pregnancy what do you think he’d do if you became ill, disabled, unable to ever work again, homeless? He doesn’t sound like he’d stick around to support you.
You can do so much better on your own, work on your confidence and self esteem and eventually meet someone so much better.

Why are you with this rotten person ? He’s only nice because you are toeing the line . He has shown you who he is , I wound t go into that family if you paid me millions . RUN

I can’t believe you already have a child and are bringing this horrible person around them .

I'm sorry, but that's my response too.

You're not alone: you have a child.

Focus on your child, and how you can be the best parent you can possibly be to him. Not on this shitty man and his shitty family.

@nle

Why have you gone back to him? There's really no excuse is there. He is an unpleasant, selfish dickhead and his family sound even worse. Other than that he's a lovely guy and the relationship is great so crack on!

Don't move on from it. Move on from him.

Literally slap yourself in the face, read your own post again while taking deep breaths, then look yourself in the eye in the mirror and honestly tell yourself what you think you should do here.

It's screamingly obvious OP

Get out NOW before any shared living/children. Get out

I’m sorry, but you are absolutely insane to be in any kind of relationship with this man. He’s a piece of shit and if you keep crawling back to him, what do you expect?

I am very sorry for what you went through with your miscarriage. But what the fuck are you doing with him?

You don't live with him, don't have kids with him and are not tied to him in any way? You are doing this to yourself at this point. The world is not short of dick, and most of it isn't attached to excuses of men like this one.

His behaviour is unforgivable and he has no remorse anyway. He didn't just have a bit of a flap about the pregnancy, he turned into a monster. Being alone IS better than being with him. Plus how will you ever meet someone else if he's around? Dump him today 'hi Dave. I've decided to end things because of your behaviour over the pregnancy and miscarriage. I do not wish to discuss it and want no more to do with you. Your belongings will be outside'. What an immature and toxic mess. You can do better.

He justifies what he did by saying he had a "tough choice" to make and that the way he went about things was his only option. That he knew a baby would be bad for both of us, so he did this to help us and his family.

He had a tough choice about whether or not to use proper birth control. He made the "wrong" choice. Has he since had a vasectomy?

Of course, you know that this is an arch-arsehole from a family of arch-arseholes and any relationship with him will just be more of his manipulating you and taking delight in your pain. The last person that posted this story did eventually dump the guy; I hope you eventually find the ability to do so too.

'We are now back together.'

He wanted you to have an abortion and took NO responsibility for creating a child.

He turned his family against you.

He didn't care that you tried to kill yourself .

He has never shown any remorse or given a decent apology.

Why are your standards so low that you would want to spend your time and your life with a callous, evil, nasty and utterly repulsive man?

Leave him and ask your gp for help with your mental health. Don't be ashamed that you attempted to take your life, see at as a wake up call and seek help

Are you both literally teenagers? You need to be as far away from each other as humanely possible. And with respect, you have a child, you need to put him/her first and not your need for a relationship.

Have some standard, please.

What a daft thing to do. You should’ve taken time for yourself and your child to stabilise, reflect, maybe find hobbies or interests that would open you up to a different social circle and then possibly a new partner in time.

I have one friend who ‘just can’t be on her own’. We all love her but think she’s nuts, as she has two kids to drag through her fleeting relationships. Poor buggers.

We are now back together.
Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy JFC