To think maternity leave looks lovely

[gillardd]

I like my job but it’s stressful. I’m probably unable to have children. I see mums with babies in the park pushing their strollers together, or having tea and cake with their babies together at a nice cafe, and it just looks so idyllic. No work stress, husband or partner funding things (if you have one - I acknowledge not everyone does), gorgeous chubby silky haired baby to cuddle all day, able to do things like nice cafes during the middle of weekdays when they’re not busy, sit as long as you want, chat to friend, cuddle baby, eat cake. Then go home, cuddle baby some more, maybe watch some TV.

It’s not actually (all) like this, is it? But this is how it looks from the outside.

I know some people are going to tell me IABVU.

Ha ha ha.

It is literally exactly like that, which is why most people have 20-30 children

It’s easy to say this from the outside
but I understand why it can look this way
I had two non sleeping babies and my mat leaves were both horrible
I remember thinking how lovely my life looked from the outside and how awful it was in reality
i am deeply sorry if you want children and can’t have them 💐

Seriously?

Well you do get to stop doing the job you do 8 hours per day but you are performing unpaid labour for 16–24 hours per day including weekends so it’s probably not what you imagine, no.

Erm no it’s nothing like this! My child didn’t sleep so I spent my days like a walking zombie with a headache and a cranky child. I felt alone, brain dead and sad. It might look idyllic from the outside but most days for me were tough! Not saying they are for everyone but looks can be deceiving! Being a SAHM is a full time job in itself!!

Hi! It looks like you may be new to this site. Have a look at the parenting, finance, mental health, relationships, and disability boards. I think you might get a better insight of what it’s like. Honestly this website contains a lot of information regarding these things. I would recommend having a read through and then maybe posting again once you’ve had time to digest. All the best!

Tbh I had 2 straightforward births, very 'easy: babies, a great support network and ok mat pay, so yeah I loved it and would happily do it on repeat.

But I was very, very lucky.

It really is.

I’m sorry if you’re not able to have children if it’s something you want 💐

I loved my maternity leaves! It was loads better than being at work full time-even taking the lack of sleep into account!

Also, people on maternity leave aren’t usually being “funded” by someone (who os also a parent to the child) they are using their maternity benefits that they are entitled to in their own right.

Tbh this is exactly what my first maternity leave was like. It was probably the happiest time of my life.

Second was harder as you have older child to work around but I still enjoyed it.

In honesty, mine was as you describe. After years of stressful jobs it was pretty blissful. But my experience isn't everyone's.

Sorry you're having a hard time. I've been in a similar situation but was lucky with IVF.

I really enjoyed it to be honest, definitely sad to go back to the office.

Haha, love this.

My first mat leave of course had some good points but overall was very tough. DC1 screamed most of the time til I went back to work at 9 months and I was so relieved to return to work. I had postnatal depression which basically resolved itself once I was back at work tbh.

Second mat leave was better, but still very challenging a lot of the time as I had two of them to care for on my own 3 days a week. Eldest still challenging as a preschooler, more difficult to do things like walks because eldest couldn't walk miles round a park to get youngest to sleep for example, youngest napped even worse than eldest due to noise from eldest and so on. Again I was definitely ready to return to work when I did so, but did take about 13 months off this time.

OP meant no harm, this isn't a malicious post. I have no idea about mat leave, OP, as I'm pregnant now for the first time (after a story about infertility and loss). Sending you

Some people get maternity pay? Or if your partner is financially supporting you then personally I wouldn’t describe it as unpaid.

It's how mine was (bar some COVID interruptions). One and done so dreaming of retirement when I can have a 2pm film every day again. Although I funded it myself, but that was also fine!

I loved my maternity leaves. Not everyone has an awful time.

How is that not unpaid? Presumably the partner had a job while the woman was still working too so it’s still almost a full income lost.

Of course it’s not like that. I mean, part of it is at times.

My eldest fed every two hours and had two 20 minute naps a day. I was exhausted.

It was lovely - sometimes I found it hard, but still a period of time with fewer responsibilities meant an amazing focus with just one little sweet baby to care for. Even when I had my second it was lovely to hang out with them both. I’m sorry you may not be able to have the family you want.

I'm currently on mat leave. I do get a lot of baby cuddles but, we're a bit skint so I can't do much. Baby wakes every couple of hours and cries every time I try to put him down so I'm sleep deprived. I find it easier to feed baby at home plus skint so I don't sit in cafes. I actually am enjoying it despite these things but it's nowhere near as idyllic as you think!

This is very naive.
Many women fund their own mat leave. They don’t sit for hours or as long as they like at cafes / watch tv for ages.

My maternity leaves were like a holiday for me, but my DC were easy and good sleepers.

However I didn’t have the money to go for lunches/cafes and no friends to go with anyway.

The toddler years when I went back to work were horrendous.