To think maternity leave looks lovely

[gillardd]

I like my job but it’s stressful. I’m probably unable to have children. I see mums with babies in the park pushing their strollers together, or having tea and cake with their babies together at a nice cafe, and it just looks so idyllic. No work stress, husband or partner funding things (if you have one - I acknowledge not everyone does), gorgeous chubby silky haired baby to cuddle all day, able to do things like nice cafes during the middle of weekdays when they’re not busy, sit as long as you want, chat to friend, cuddle baby, eat cake. Then go home, cuddle baby some more, maybe watch some TV.

It’s not actually (all) like this, is it? But this is how it looks from the outside.

I know some people are going to tell me IABVU.

For me, it was never a holiday.

During my first maternity leave, I had to recover from a 2.1 litre pph and I had a birth injury for months due to being incorrectly stitched up.

My body felt broken and I had to look after a tiny human being, keeping him alive, rocking him to sleep for hours, being awoken every 3 hours.

Sometimes you would see me in a café with my cute little newborn, but that was only to get a breather.

During my second maternity leave, I had to recover from C-section, which is major surgery.

It was actually easier compared to my first birth, but my daughter had inexplicable screaming sessions that went on for the first 3 months of her life and lasted for several hours each day. We even ended up in A and E one day, because we were so desperate.

I feel very blessed to have my children, but it annoys me when people think maternity leave is a holiday.

A lot of my first one was like that. Of course there was the really tough first 2 months of recovering from birth and no sleep but then I settled into a routine (albeit with minimal sleep) and had the most wonderful friends from NCT who all lived close by so we met multiple times each week. I also did all the free local classes with baby (pre-Covid so there was decent offering) and met other friends who were on mat leave. I have wonderful memories of it.

The second was not so amazing as sleep deprivation together with an under 2 and baby was an absolute killer and I found the days long and hard. I wouldn’t go back to those days and won’t have any more for that reason

I am lucky that financial security was no concern and I have a wonderful husband who didn’t consider childcare to be helping out

HAHAHAHA

You've said that you are probably unable to have children, I'm sorry to hear that if your do indeed want them. 💐

I loved my maternity leave, so much so that I never went back to work. The baby/toddler stage was so lovely with both of my children. Being at home with them was definitely less stressful than work, I just loved it.

I loved maternity leave

A really nasty one.

Eliciting stories of how terrible things were from some women for laughs. Unless OP is 12 (and even if they are) PND isn't exactly some obscure disorder affecting 1 in 1000000000 people. It's common and serious. Everyone has heard of it.

Just mean.

My husband is not funding my maternity leave!!!!!! What a stupid assumption to make.

Weve saved hard together so I can take some time off with baby.

I meant to add I got PND later on, when I went back to work. I work shifts and the lack of sleep sent me round the bend.

I thought this and 3 months into maternity burst into tears in a pub and finally admitted to my partner it really is the hardest thing I've ever ever done.

I feel like I've had a mental breakdown and lost my entire identity. It's so hard.

I hated my mat leave and couldn't wait to get back to work. I suffered from PND, dd wouldn't sleep had colic and screamed/cried a lot. I didn't leave the house of months with only contact with DH, it put strain on marriage.

Yes I've loved both my maternity leaves. The second one especially when toddler is at nursery. I'm lucky though; I have a lot of friends, live in a great area with much to do, have disposable income to go for lunch / coffee any day without giving it a second thought and I have a solid career to go back to. I would have thought that without those things it's not quite so dreamy.

It was like that with my first, I loved it. But with my second & third… I was just outnumbered and over worked. Not even time to pee in peace let alone eat cake 🤣 But yes I would say with the first baby (for me personally) it was pretty idyllic and I look back on that time fondly. Sorry you’re unable to have children OP, is it a definite?

Fair point.

I had my child during lockdown, so my maternity leave was rubbish. No one could visit and all the lovely activities I had planned weren't running (swimming, baby groups etc). Plus she had colic!

I think it really depends.

For me @NamiSwan sums it up well.
A lot of women don't enjoy it and it's not all coffee shops and tinkly laughter accessorised by bonnie babies

personally I could not relate to being bored or lonely on my first mat leave. But I tried to do too much (Inc random renovations domestically and abroad,!) And was totally overloaded which prob wasn't ideal. I can def see myself being bored or lonely this time.

Yes having a sweet baby to cuddle all day is wonderful. However, I've never been more exhausted than them first years (for each DC) I looked 10 years older, through sheer exhaustion.

Ha ha ha!!! I so wish it was like this!

I’m 8 months into my second maternity leave with a 7.5month old and a nearly 3 year old and if I’m honest it’s f**king boring! Don’t get me wrong I love being able to spend this extra time with my children but there’s only so much playing at home, soft play, etc that one person can do all day every single day before you’ve had enough and just need a break! (I sent both kids to grandmas today for a break…terrible parenting I know!)

We rarely go for a cafe lunch with friends ….partly because all my friends work during the week or are just busy, partly because I’m skint….as i’m the higher earner in our household my husband isn’t funding any cafe visits for me and there were no cafe visits whilst I was pregnant to save money for maternity leave and partly because have you ever been to a cafe with a 7.5 month old and a nearly 3 year old?!?!?! It’s not a nice relaxing experience.

Maybe my first maternity leave was a bit more like you’re expecting it to be (although we were in lockdown for half of it), because of lockdown (and me and husband both having key worker jobs) I wasn’t quite as skint as I am this time around so there maybe was a few cafe visits whilst baby napped but it was still a fairly boring experience.

Yes I loved it, even though Covid meant nothing was open and I couldn't see people much! (It was early 2021).

The first year was a happy breeze for me, I was very lucky. Lots of cuddles, sleep and sheer happiness.

I found crawling to age 3 much harder. He's now turning 3 and I'm loving it again!

My mat leave turned into being a SAHM and will continue until he goes to school. I worked for 20 years before having a child and I appreciate not being at work for these few years, every single day. My best friend isn't able to have children and I am very grateful to be in my situation.

I really loved mat leave! Although I was lucky in lots of ways. Now I have a toddler I look back fondly on the tiny baby days!

OP I hope things work out for you💐

I had twins, so my ‘maternity leave’ was a baptism of fire to motherhood, with crushing pnd and a period of my life that was difficult. Yet a piece of piss compared to when they became toddlers, they truly was shit.

I felt like it should’ve been as you described op, and that I was a failure because I couldn’t just cuddle the baby because there were two of them who both needed me at the same time.

I dare say some have the ML you describe, but it only takes a litter of babies, pnd, ill health after delivery, a poorly baby, an unsupportive partner etc for it to become a scary, lonely and isolating time.

I’m coming into my 10th month of mat leave and I must admit it has been a dream. Don’t get me wrong it’s been so so hard for the first 8 months while the baby wasn’t sleeping well etc but we cracked on and got out the house still, got into our little stride and loved our little days out.
I’ve been very very lucky that about 3 of my close friends all had babies within 4-5 months only one another so I’ve had friends to meet up with.
I’m looking forward to some routine come January but I’m going to miss spending our days out so I’m trying to soak it all in.

I remember thinking this - before I had a baby, seeing a mum strolling along with a pram.

Then I had a baby who didn't sleep at night, constantly fed and would only nap in the pram if you walked for three miles in the pissing rain. I used to walk around my local park and from the outside I may have looked happy. Actually I was jealous of anyone sitting down on a bench. Also the fish swimming lazily in the stream without a care in the world. I would gladly have swapped places with them 😂

This post makes me very sad.

I was partner level, senior solicitor for many years. High conflict court cases.

I lost nine babies, had failed IVF.

We adopted, twins. Then I had two. In a pandemic.

I am happy to talk about it but it's not comparable.

Maternity leave for some, is sunshine and baby classes and supportive family and partners who come home in normal hours.

Maternity leave for me was hell. But that was because I was suddenly pregnant and DH was a farmer so I was alone. I was also much much older than all my friends and we were then locked down.

I think, for ME, overall, the maternity was mentally easier but physically harder. The strain of carrying the court stuff was taking its toll on me.

It was a huge lifestyle change for me and I became very unwell being at home but that's what was best overall.

I do understand the anger and resentment towards maternity leave. From those who cannot have children. I was there, I walked that path.

I think, like anything, there are good and bad workers, and good and bad parents, and everything in between.

You see everything from adoption, to I went to work after a week.

Would I do it again? Absolutely. Would I adopt knowing now I would then have two? Absolutely. Would I go back to work? No. Not in that job. Because that is not possible for my four children's welfare. Or mine.

I bloody loved it, apart from the sleep deprivation. If I could relive any year of my life it would be my year at home when DS was 2 and DD was a babe 😍

I loved my mat leave but I had an easy baby to be fair. My house was immaculate and I loved the mundanity and routine we had every day which was a welcome break from the pressure of my job. We spent a lot of time with my mum too which I cherish the memories of now she’s gone.