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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent missing last day of primary?

283 replies

Knickerbockergrolia · 16/10/2023 15:08

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

OP posts:
mikado1 · 16/10/2023 15:13

Is it all possible to avoid it as it us your friends you're going with and I assume you'll decide together on the date? I'd try to be there if I could but I see why DH thinks work away

Goldbar · 16/10/2023 15:34

I would go personally. Assuming her dad is a half-decent parent, he can make it special for her and perhaps you can leave a present/surprise with a nice message for her.

On the other hand, if you're the parent who "makes the magic" for everything in your house because your OH can't be arsed, I'd stay.

TokyoSushi · 16/10/2023 15:37

It's a big deal, I wouldn't go (I'm one who is happy to go to things!)

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 16/10/2023 15:38

I'll happily leave mine but I wouldn't have missed her last day of primary, would have also meant missing the leavers assembly which was amazing. It was a day of mixed emotions and she needed the support

LakeTiticaca · 16/10/2023 15:38

Didn't know it was a thing. It never used to be. My mum didn't come to my last day at primary and I didn't go to my kids.(20 years ago)
Neither did we have these silly "graduation ceremonies " or high school proms thank god!!

Bluelightdon · 16/10/2023 15:38

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ToadOnTheHill · 16/10/2023 15:39

This isn't an AIBU, this is just a decision for you to make based on what you want to do.

Alargeoneplease89 · 16/10/2023 15:40

I would go personally, they have loads of end of year events (normally). Or have a discussion with your DD - you would be amazed how unbothered they are.

SecondUsername4me · 16/10/2023 15:40

Did dh go and do pick up on the last day of the eldest primary?

Is he around for this one?

SecondUsername4me · 16/10/2023 15:41

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Care to go into detail here?

Alargeoneplease89 · 16/10/2023 15:41

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Give over 😂

gotomomo · 16/10/2023 15:41

Didn't know it was a big thing - we just went home

twistyizzy · 16/10/2023 15:42

I never made it to much through primary as work full time but the last day is a big deal and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. DH took a very rare day off to come too and then we took her out for afternoon tea afterwards.

FoFanta · 16/10/2023 15:42

I'd just get a flight a couple of days later, so I could have the last day and the (shorter) holiday.

HelloSunshine11 · 16/10/2023 15:43

Is your DH the sort of dad to turn up to eg leavers assemblies and make a fuss? That would sway my decision-making. Also, how many events do they have in that last week? My son just started Y7 and in his final week there were two performances of the Y6 play, a staff / children / parents BBQ and rounders match after school, leavers assembly, and a parent-organised party. It was a lot and we were all wrecks by the end of it, emotionally and physically! I couldn't have left DH to attend all of that I don't think and I wouldn't have liked DS to have been in a situation where he didn't have a parent there.

Oganesson118 · 16/10/2023 15:43

Depends on the child really, would she be bothered if you weren't there?

AMuser · 16/10/2023 15:44

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Yeah cos a selfish mum would be worrying one way or the other. Jeez.

on balance I’d probably not miss it and I was always relaxed about taking the odd girls trip when my kids were at primary. They didn’t self combust and seem fairly balanced late teens / young adults.

VisaWoes · 16/10/2023 15:44

I had to work on her last day. I don’t feel I missed anything, dd didn’t seem bothered about finishing at all.

PurpleChrayne · 16/10/2023 15:45

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Florin · 16/10/2023 15:45

I would make sure I was around we have just been through this and our child seemed completely unbothered about it and excited about his new school and then he was all over the place with his emotions and personally I would want to be around for them.
I should add my dh also made sure he was around and took the last 2 days off work so he could come to the leavers drinks at the pub the day before and for his last day. Ds appreciated us both being around.

SecondUsername4me · 16/10/2023 15:46

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Do you say this to dad's? Most of them aren't around for the end of year stuff as they are working or away with work.

Or is it just mum's?

5128gap · 16/10/2023 15:47

Two of my DC couldn't have cared less about the last day, so I'd have gone then. One was very upset, very anxious about moving up and leaving friends and teachers, so I'd have been there for them. From what you've said about DD, I'd lean towards not going. Could you ask her? Or do you think she'd feel pressure to say go?

ChateauMargaux · 16/10/2023 15:47

I would leave my kids.. last day of primary was a big deal.. all school assembly attended by parents, prize giving then a year 6 BBQ at the beach. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it. It was a big deal at my kids school.

AhBiscuits · 16/10/2023 15:47

I wouldn't go, I think it would be really mean to make her miss it. It's a huge deal in our school and everyone gathers to clap them leaving the building for the last time.

Leeds2 · 16/10/2023 15:48

I wouldn't miss it.

Couldn't you ask your friends to pick a different week, as it doesn't sound like anything has actually been booked yet? Or fly out by yourself a coupe of days later, or come home early?