Parent missing last day of primary?

[Knickerbockergrolia]

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

Is it one of the biggest moments of their lives? I can't remember my last day at primary or secondary, only (vaguely) at sixth form!

It's definitely made to feel like a big moment. Obviously as they get older, many kids won't feel it was but at the time, it's made to feel massive now.

Well we're talking about Thier current 11: year old life not their future 50 year old life
Having kids is the biggest moment of my life, but it would have been silly to tell 11 yo me that leaving school and friends behind didn't matter because one day I'd have kids.

Not true - our primary head teacher and one of the y6 class teachers and two TAs were both at their y6 children's last day the year my DS left primary because their kids were at the other primary in town that broke up a day earlier and they were allowed to go to the leavers assembly. Another two TAs and a Y3 teacher were at their kids leaving at our school because the whole school was involved.

She might be fine but you’d probably really regret it and you’ll never get that day back.

I vote be there for her on her last day. It's a big deal imo.

Very confused too.

What actually happens after the school finishes ?

Probably jealous as you've nae pals to go away with.

This thread is baffling and ridiculously over the top, it's not one of the biggest days in their lives, it's literally just the last day of school and they move onto a new school. There may be an assembly but surely a father is quite capable of attending, some mums do actually work and use leave to cover school holidays so wouldn't be able to take time out for an assembly and if you are a teacher you are really unlikely to be able to go. The child is unlikely to be affected in anyway.

Most kids are not that emotional on their last day, they are with their friends, will get their shirts signed and be looking forward to having 6/7 weeks off school for the summer, good times all round. Even if they were then their dad's can manage.

I think it's crazy to guilt trip the OP about this. If your child is fine then go, if your child struggles emotionally then you will need to figure out if they will cope with just their dad there. Only you can make that decision really.

I agree it depends in part on the school.

My local primary deliberately downplay it now as some of the children were being whipped up into an emotional frenzy by their parents, crying big snotty tears, really ridiculous behaviour when 75% of them are going to the same Secondary and will still be living locally either way.

If DH is happy to go then DD will be supported should she need it.

It's the mum going on holiday not the DD!

You don't sound selfish at all. Ignore this stupid comment

It’s the last day of the school they’ve been for the past 6/7 years.

They’re going from the place that they’ve known almost their entire lives, to a place they’ve never been and possibly heard horror stories about.

They’re also going from being the oldest to the youngest in the school.

Its very well known that the transition from primary to secondary school can be challenging and the more the child finds the transition difficult, the more they will struggle academically, socially and mentally.
This includes how they leave the primary school and not just how they start the secondary school.

Of course many parents choose not to be there to support their child just in case they need it but I personally wouldn’t think twice about it.
Its literally 1 day out of 11 years where your child may need your support.
They’re not asking for much.

No, it’s an important day for dc and I choose to be there for those days. Dh arranged for us to go to Paris for a long weekend for a specific event thinking dc will have broken up from school (dc at different schools so he only checked one calendar). We moved it so we came home a day early so we didn’t miss dtd’s last day of primary.

Not a problem at all
The final day is typically low key (as it should be)

@PrimaryHeadteacher round here all schools do a leavers’ service where they perform a song, read out special memories etc especially for the parents.

I don't remember my last day of primary I have no idea if my mum was there or bot. I cantvremember by own children's last day of primary. I have. No idea If I was there or not. Why do you think it's such a big deal?

Brilliant, great way to make those parents who may not be able to be there feel awful.

I would always be at every event if I could but I would equally expect my DH to manage perfectly well. In RL I literally don't know any kids who struggled with this, I definitely think it's down to the schools making a ridiculously big deal out of it and parents projecting.

Yes the transition to secondary can be tricky, but never heard of the last day of juniors being a big deal, most kids are more than ready to be moving on, doesnt mean they dont find a new school tough but in reality most do get on fine. In my area most are infant and juniors and not primary so perhaps that makes a difference.

OPs child has not asked for her to be there, lots of posters, including myself, have acknowledged that it's worth asking and if she feels that the dad/DD couldnt cope then maybe she needs to reconsider.

Obviously there is a massive difference from a parent not being there due to living in another country or working, than them choosing to miss it by going on holiday.

I can imagine if a dad wanted to go on holiday or watch the football, ever poster would be saying he should put his kid first.

If you would prefer to go on holiday than be there for your kids last day then that is your choice.
I personally wouldn’t do it though, as I know it’s a big event for them.

Maybe for your own children , not all

No wonder so many kids have anxiety with all the fuss some schools and parents are making of it all.

That's fine, I will do what is needed for my family and you do you. No need to attempt to guilt trip people, I can sleep quite soundly knowing I am there and always have been for my kids when they need me.

If it's an emotional day for the kids, it's because the adults in their lives have whipped it up to be. And it really isn't healthy to do that to them. The very fact that some posters have expressed that their kids might need support, gives away that the emotion isn't a good thing.

My kids are in their 30s, and neither the school nor the parents whipped their last days up into a "isn't this a huge day! You're going to feel so sad, I bet....etc etc" event. Getting their shirts signed was the highlight, otherwise it was just a fun last day, and neither emotional nor expected to be. No tears, just 'yay! It's the holidays...look at my shirt!'

There is more and more hyper emoting being encouraged by adults, and I'm far from convinced that it's a good thing for kids..

@saraclara I completely agree, this seems to go on throughout their school life. I think we are lucky that DCs school seen to prepare them really well for these things, they don't make a massive fuss about sats, with GCSEs they prepare them well and ensure they are relaxed.

We do the same at home, DS1 just went off to school for his exams like it was any other day, no big deal. He had prepared as much as he felt he needed to and it was all good. I was away for his last week of exams and he survived perfectly well, it was no big deal whatsoever.

I definitely think it's mostly down to the teachers and your reactions to these situations. Obviously some kids are more anxious and struggle more, I have a ND child also and we have to treat him slightly differently at times to DS1 but overall its fine.

Of course it’s an emotional day.

Even a grown adult leaving a job they love to retire or move on, would get slightly emotional.

I hate all this ‘stiff upper lip’ and if you’re a child and you get emotional then there must be something wrong with you or your parents, type attitude.

Even some of my friends at secondary school got emotional.

Of course, being over the top and trying to make your child emotional is not on but denying that many children find it emotional isn’t very nice.

It’s 2023 and it’s time for those sorts of attitudes to die.

The final day was a bit of a non event, the run up with disco, assembley etc was busier and I wouldn’t miss those. The last day they went to the park after school with friends and didn’t want parents hanging around!

I am not an overly sentimental person and work full time, so didn’t attend all school events anyway.

Having just gone through the end of primary with ds1 I couldn't miss it for ds2 it was a really special day to share with him and my "mum friend's"