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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent missing last day of primary?

283 replies

Knickerbockergrolia · 16/10/2023 15:08

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

OP posts:
Legendairy · 16/10/2023 17:25

Coolbeans2 · 16/10/2023 17:21

My Dd is 21 now, but when she left, the final week was busy - they had a prom (basically a party arranged by parents) school disco, leavers' assembly, awards assemblies and on the final day they came out to claps from staff and parents and we took photos of them with their friends and teachers.

The same has happened since with my younger dc. I found it an emotional week for myself and child and I definitely wanted to be there. The leavers' assemblies are amazing, hilarious and tear jerking all at once!

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Sounds really OTT for finishing primary TBH. My DCs school had leavers assemblies for just the kids so maybe that's why I missed that it's a big deal. Definitely no prom, just a leavers disco that the school arranged for the kids so no parental involvement.

If that is what is involved then I would feel my DH is more than capable to do that with the DC. I have plenty of amazing moments with the DC so I wouldn't feel like I missed out, they would be extremely chilled if I went or not also.

Stoptheworldpls · 16/10/2023 17:30

There was nothing going on at the school for mine on the last day.

They went to school and then come home for the break.

Shit parenting?

Daffyyellow · 16/10/2023 17:33

There are lots of things to consider.

The last day of Primary varies hugely by school - would you be missing any significant events such as a Leavers’ Service? How would your daughter feel? Can your DH go? Could you go on the holiday a day or 2 later?

YireosDodeAver · 16/10/2023 17:37

You are being daft and if the last day of primary needs any extra parental love and support then your DH will be more than capable of providing it. Some DHs might legitimately feel rather insulted if their DW skipped a much-appreciated holiday opportunity because she didn't rate his parenting competency as adequate to such an occasion.

Megifer · 16/10/2023 17:39

Op maybe try and find out what your primary does as tbh these "when my DC left primary they were just kicked out and my DC walked home on their own while I was in bed having a no big deal lie in" and "my DC had a unicorn glide in which took them one by one to a prom hosted by Taylor Swift" won't be particularly helpful.

If your primary doesn't do much then it's probably not going to be that big a deal, if they don't make it a big deal.

If they do a leavers assembly and other nice little bits to make it a big deal then think about going for you as well as your DD. Honestly the leavers assembly turned my cold stone heart into a puddle 🥺 then seeing DS little red teary cheeks and nose.....😭

DappledThings · 16/10/2023 17:40

Coolbeans2 · 16/10/2023 17:24

Also, since when??
I'm in my 40s and have loads of photos that I took with my primary school friends on our last days. It wasn't the same as it is now, but it was definitely an 'occasion'

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I'm in my 40s and we did shirt signing and stuff in the playground on the last day and then went home. It was nothing to do with parents. I only became aware of the idea of a leavers' assembly that parents are invited to on here.

Not crossed that bridge with mine yet but I didn't realise till this it was such a big deal and parents turn up on the last day.

If parents generally turn up at your school OP and your DH is able to be there then that's fine.

llortasti · 16/10/2023 17:50

I think it depends what the school do in that last week and on your child. For us, there was a packed week of things, some involving parents. Our kids wanted us there and we wanted to be there so neither of us would have gone away that week.

As it turned out I couldn't go to one of the things in my daughters last week as I was ill, she understood, but I think she would have felt sad if I'd not gone through choice.

I do think leaving primary is made in to a much bigger deal than it should be, to the detriment of a lot of children. I remember kids who were mainly moving to the same secondary schools and would see each other locally anyway, absolutely sobbing on the last day. I think schools are often responsible for it with this massive build up and it's really not good for kids.

HMW1906 · 16/10/2023 17:50

I wouldn’t go, I think I’d end up regretting it if I did but I’m a sentimental type.

can you get an earlier/later flight and just go for part of the trip so you don’t completely miss out?

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 17:51

AllWeWantToDo · 16/10/2023 17:01

Well ds3 &4s dad doesn't even live in the same country so he wasn't there

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Their dad living in another country or being away for work and it not being his fault, is completely different than him choosing to go away on holiday.

Some people might think it’s ok for the dad to go away on holiday on that week but most would agree that he should be putting his child first.

It’s one day out of 11 years.

llortasti · 16/10/2023 17:53

Stoptheworldpls · 16/10/2023 17:30

There was nothing going on at the school for mine on the last day.

They went to school and then come home for the break.

Shit parenting?

I do think that's quite unusual for there to be nothing on the last day.

Lots of schools have an assembly involving parents on the last day (separate to the leavers performance which is earlier in the week), then it's shirt signing and limos/parties after school.

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 17:53

Stoptheworldpls · 16/10/2023 17:30

There was nothing going on at the school for mine on the last day.

They went to school and then come home for the break.

Shit parenting?

It’s not even about going to the leavers do or eve meeting them at the school gates.

Its about being there to support your child in one of the biggest moments of their lives.

Quitelikeacatslife · 16/10/2023 17:54

Would miss actual last day, both of my kids not that bothered if it was just that day. but whole week before wouldn't miss the leavers concert/party/assembly build up as well so no wouldn't do that

itsamedicalmystery · 16/10/2023 17:59

I've just gone through the end of primary stage with my youngest and I have to say, it was a pretty full-on week which my DD wouldn't have wanted me to miss.

We had the disco, leavers assembly, leavers awards, leavers mass (catholic school) and a lot of the parents organised various get togethers. I was honestly hardly at work that week! Never had it with my eldest as it was during Covid, so I did find it all a bit much but apparently it's the "done thing". The last day was the busiest. We had to be there for 7:30 for the leavers breakfast, and then we needed to be back at 2:30 for the leavers send off and shirt signing where parents were invited to take photos. So, had I not been there I don't think she would have been happy.

As many have said, it depends on the child. I'm a single parent so she only had me to be there at all these events, but if your daughter is happy for her dad to do all the celebration stuff, I can't see their being a problem?

Annon1234 · 16/10/2023 17:59

I’m really torn about this one. I would and have left my child to go on holidays without them but I’m just not sure if I’d feel sad that I missed out on that memory. On the other hand my parents didn’t miss my last day of primary school but they were aware for an evening event at what would be by new high school where we met form teachers etc towards the end of the summer term of year 6. it didn’t seem a big deal that they werent there and I don’t feel scarred by it

Millybob · 16/10/2023 18:00

Didn't know it was a thing. It never used to be. My mum didn't come to my last day at primary and I didn't go to my kids.(20 years ago)
Neither did we have these silly "graduation ceremonies " or high school proms thank god!!

This. Why does everything have to be hyped up into a big emotional event? I don't recall anyone making a big deal about leaving primary school. Leaving secondary was different - my best friend and I danced down the road, thrilled we'd never lay eyes on the bloody place again. No hugs required in either case.

CaptainMcDermott · 16/10/2023 18:07

I think the only issue which might arise is that you did it for one child but not the other. It may seem unfair to the child whose leavers' assembly you would miss. I think it is nice thing to be there for their final day just like people feel it is important to be there on their first day. Ours had photos of them all from reception to remind us how little they were when they started. It was quite sweet. Dh came too. End of an era and Ds was going to a non-feeder secondary so would never see 95% of them again.

LuHolyoake · 16/10/2023 18:16

I think it depends on your child. If they are confident and secure in your relationship, then go as they'll be fine with your DH.

I've often felt second best in my mum's affections when compared to my older sister.

We left to go on holiday (to my grandparents house - nothing that couldn't have waited) straight from school on the last day of year 6, so I missed saying proper goodbyes to my friends. A big deal had been made when my sister left primary a few years before.

She also went away and missed my GCSE results day.

Things like that just confirmed what I'd previously thought. My sister would probably have been fine with it though!

funinthesun19 · 16/10/2023 18:21

I’m very sentimental about stuff like this, so I would want to be there on her last day.

ActDottie · 16/10/2023 18:32

I’d go on holiday

i don’t remember my last day primary being a big deal tbh

diamondpony80 · 16/10/2023 18:40

I'd have no problem going away for a week, but I wouldn't do it that week. No way would I have missed last day of primary school. We have some great photos and memories with DS and his friends and although we didn't have a "graduation" they did make a big deal of it and rightly so. All parents made an effort to go to it and I wouldn't miss it for a holiday as I know it means a lot to the kids to have their parents their.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 16/10/2023 18:43

Its about being there to support your child in one of the biggest moments of their lives

Is it one of the biggest moments of their lives? I can't remember my last day at primary or secondary, only (vaguely) at sixth form!

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2023 18:44

LakeTiticaca · 16/10/2023 15:38

Didn't know it was a thing. It never used to be. My mum didn't come to my last day at primary and I didn't go to my kids.(20 years ago)
Neither did we have these silly "graduation ceremonies " or high school proms thank god!!

We had a leavers assembly 30 years ago, hardly new.

llortasti · 16/10/2023 18:45

ActDottie · 16/10/2023 18:32

I’d go on holiday

i don’t remember my last day primary being a big deal tbh

How old are you?

It is often made into a big deal now by schools, other parents and other kids. Not saying it's right, my kids weren't that bothered by leaving primary, they knew they would still see their friends but they were still glad to have us there.

The last week/day can be made to be overwhelming because of how others are behaving, including teachers and all the stuff happening. For that reason, I wanted to be there.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2023 18:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

For contemplating missing one day or going away without them?

PuttingDownRoots · 16/10/2023 18:46

enchantedsquirrelwood · 16/10/2023 18:43

Its about being there to support your child in one of the biggest moments of their lives

Is it one of the biggest moments of their lives? I can't remember my last day at primary or secondary, only (vaguely) at sixth form!

Its big at the time then fades as you experience more of life. Similar to many other milestones.