Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent missing last day of primary?

283 replies

Knickerbockergrolia · 16/10/2023 15:08

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

OP posts:
Mariposista · 16/10/2023 23:29

Your child has TWO parents, one of whom will be there.
Go on your holiday.

novalia89 · 16/10/2023 23:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Because she has kept a life outside motherhood?

Guavafish1 · 17/10/2023 02:47

I don't remember my last day at primary school.

I remember my first day of secondary school

FarEast · 17/10/2023 07:04

I think the main problem is that you’ve done this for one DC. Will your DD notice the difference? That you did this for her brother, but not for her?

It’s a small thing but sometimes these small things become a pattern - in the child’s eyes.

00100001 · 17/10/2023 07:25

AllWeWantToDo · 16/10/2023 20:13

Maybe for your own children , not all

No wonder so many kids have anxiety with all the fuss some schools and parents are making of it all.

Show quote history

Quite!

What happened to "have fun on your last day!" And that's the end of it...

Bit no, it's "we have to staaaaaaaay" "it's sooooo important"

notahappybunny7 · 17/10/2023 07:32

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 16/10/2023 15:51

Do they have another parent to be there for the party etc? I would happily go away as DH could be at the assembly and the party afterwards. If he couldn’t be around I might not go.

At DDs leavers do one of the children’s parent couldn’t make it but we knew the child well and cheered for them and took them to the party and they were fine

You mean they acted fine? No way would a child be ok with not having their parents there for an event where all their peers have theirs.

notahappybunny7 · 17/10/2023 07:34

Mariposista · 16/10/2023 23:29

Your child has TWO parents, one of whom will be there.
Go on your holiday.

Yes and a clear message is sent to the kid that mum would rather go on holiday than be there for their special event. Awful.

00100001 · 17/10/2023 07:38

notahappybunny7 · 17/10/2023 07:34

Yes and a clear message is sent to the kid that mum would rather go on holiday than be there for their special event. Awful.

Show quote history

It's not a special event....

It's just them going into school.

usernother · 17/10/2023 07:39

Mariposista · 16/10/2023 23:29

Your child has TWO parents, one of whom will be there.
Go on your holiday.

I agree with this. I think some of the stuff said on here means a lot of the fuss about the last day of primary is for the parents, not the children. Just go on holiday OP.

00100001 · 17/10/2023 07:40

notahappybunny7 · 17/10/2023 07:32

You mean they acted fine? No way would a child be ok with not having their parents there for an event where all their peers have theirs.

Show quote history

Or maybe....they. were. Fine.

Because their parents loved them and we're a consistent presence in their lives and it didn't mean that much to anyone involved...

00100001 · 17/10/2023 07:41

There'll be a fair amount of kids not even there "missing out" on their "big day" - because they'll be on holiday to save the parents some money.

crumblingschools · 17/10/2023 07:42

Both DH and I were there for DS’s last day at Primary. Had leavers’ assembly and then parents had arranged a party for the kids and parents. DS played the piano in the assembly so I would have hated to have missed that.

Penguin34 · 17/10/2023 07:43

I would just go later abs meet my friends there, I've done it before just because I didn't want to go miles and miles to a far away airport for a cheaper when I live really close to one, I enjoyed my time at the airport and plane on my own!

I wouldn't miss the last day of primary and my husband would be there 100% with bells on if I was there or not.
I'm not sure if I'd miss the last day of term in the middle of school either but I might, def not the last day of primary.
I only have the one, and only will, maybe I'd have a different opinion if I was 3 kids in, I don't know

Mariposista · 17/10/2023 07:52

usernother · 17/10/2023 07:39

I agree with this. I think some of the stuff said on here means a lot of the fuss about the last day of primary is for the parents, not the children. Just go on holiday OP.

Show quote history

Anyone would think it was their graduation!
When mine get to that age, we will of course go to the end of term play (usually a week before in the evening so not in work time), and then do something as a family at the weekend. Making a big deal of it will just make them (DD especially) more nervous about secondary, thinking it's a bigger deal than it is.

juicelooseabootthishoose · 17/10/2023 07:57

Is it possible the last day itself
Will be a non event?

At ours the build up of leavers events goes on for weeks before hand. Can you get the dates from the office and work out what you will actually miss?

Leavers assembly and party is a week or two before here.

Hankunamatata · 17/10/2023 08:07

Didn't know this was a thing. Grandparents pick my kids up so they did last day pick up while I worked

crumblingschools · 17/10/2023 08:09

For those saying they didn’t know this was a thing, don’t you read school newsletters, don’t you know what your DC are doing in school?

DappledThings · 17/10/2023 08:18

crumblingschools · 17/10/2023 08:09

For those saying they didn’t know this was a thing, don’t you read school newsletters, don’t you know what your DC are doing in school?

Mine are years 1 and 3 at the moment. I'm vaguely aware there is a school disco on the last day but I'm not sure all the parents go. There's a show I know about from the newsletter which is sometime in the last two weeks.

If there's a big deal about actually being there to pick them up on the last day that wouldn't be in the newsletter. I might see that this year now DC1 is in KS2 so on that side of the school but not sure how else you would know.

Coolbeans2 · 17/10/2023 08:20

I'm not sure why people were saying it's such a big fuss etc etc

It isn't. It's just about being there.

The op is talking about being away in the last week of primary, not just the last day - there are likely to be leavers' production / assembly and possibly a disco / prom that week too, among other things. Pretty normal at most primary schools.

I wouldn't worry too much about missing the actual last day, unless there was something going on that day, but I personally would want to be there.

felisha54 · 17/10/2023 08:34

I wouldn't personally but depends on the child. My dc and all her friends were in floods of tears on the last day and school did a lot of special things for them. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it.

TiredArse · 17/10/2023 08:35

crumblingschools · 17/10/2023 08:09

For those saying they didn’t know this was a thing, don’t you read school newsletters, don’t you know what your DC are doing in school?

And never, ever has the newsletter said ‘you must be there on the last day of term or they will be distraught’.

GCAcademic · 17/10/2023 08:38

SecondUsername4me · 16/10/2023 15:46

Do you say this to dad's? Most of them aren't around for the end of year stuff as they are working or away with work.

Or is it just mum's?

Show quote history

Well, a lot of mums work too. But I guess they fall into the category of shit parents as well.

ASCCM · 17/10/2023 08:39

I’ve always been a full time working mum who goes away often without her kids and misses loads of school stuff, but this is one thing I’d never ever miss. I was there on both of mines last day. It’s a really significant milestone. Take the trip after ( or join your friends later)

LittleMonks11 · 17/10/2023 08:44

You can't get it back OP - and I'm one who would go away for a week. I would rearrange. It's a milestone for you as much as them. Both my DH and I went to the last day. Most kids' had both parents there including the dads who you never see at anything.

FrenchandSaunders · 17/10/2023 08:45

Mine are early 20s now. I always had occasional holidays without them when they were young but I wouldn’t miss the last day of primary school.

They were signing shirts, receiving certificates and trophies. Then the whole class went to the park for a picnic with parents.