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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent missing last day of primary?

283 replies

Knickerbockergrolia · 16/10/2023 15:08

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 16/10/2023 15:48

DH missed DDs because of work. But that was unavoidable.

There was a lot happening that week... leavers disco aka prom, the assembly, thank you gifts etc which any parent should be able to manage... its whether its important for you to be there.

I was one of the few people at leavers assembly alone which surprised me! I thought more people would have had parents unable to attend due to work...

octodrive · 16/10/2023 15:50

PuttingDownRoots · 16/10/2023 15:48

DH missed DDs because of work. But that was unavoidable.

There was a lot happening that week... leavers disco aka prom, the assembly, thank you gifts etc which any parent should be able to manage... its whether its important for you to be there.

I was one of the few people at leavers assembly alone which surprised me! I thought more people would have had parents unable to attend due to work...

This. It's much more then just a last day usually.

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 16/10/2023 15:51

Do they have another parent to be there for the party etc? I would happily go away as DH could be at the assembly and the party afterwards. If he couldn’t be around I might not go.

At DDs leavers do one of the children’s parent couldn’t make it but we knew the child well and cheered for them and took them to the party and they were fine

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/10/2023 15:52

Personally I wouldn't miss it as dd would want me there

I go to every harvest festival - Easter and Xmas stuff they do

Their little faces look out for you

So if a leavers assembly which there usually is I wouldn't want to miss this and their last day

Talk to friends see if can do a different week or even move it 2/3 days earlier

Or fly back day early by self

But no I wouldn't miss dd last day of primary school

Original poster
Knickerbockergrolia · 16/10/2023 15:53

Thanks all - I agree it depends on the child to some extent and is my own decision, but I wanted to get other opinions on this as DH thinks I'm daft not to go, but he's generally not the sentimental type. He is great practically though and would be there for assembly/pick up etc, but I do actually want to be there as well.

Should have said, for various reasons it would be hard to sway the dates next year as they are based around other events/particular availability.

Thanks all - apart from the 'utterly selfish' nonsense 🙄

OP posts:
SecondUsername4me · 16/10/2023 15:59

I think as long as a parent or grandparent can attend all the "parents invited" stuff this would help. Are you away for all of the expected events? Or can you attend the earlier stuff?

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/10/2023 15:59

Where are you going ?

Can you get earlier flight

usernother · 16/10/2023 16:02

I honestly don't know why the last day at Primary has been so hyped up to be such a big thing. IMO anything happening should be organised by school so no, you don't need to be there.

Vilepoliticians · 16/10/2023 16:04

I’d definitely go. But then again I’ve brought my kids up not to be over the top emotional wrecks. I LOATHE the fuss over the last day of primary. It’s so contrived. Leaving primary is a positive step - the kids are growing and progressing and moving on. And yet it is hyped up that the kids are supposed to be hysterically sobbing, so a lot of them end up hysterically sobbing. The first time my child saw it (in their first year of school) they thought something terrible had happened and started panicking.

Pumpkinspie · 16/10/2023 16:16

Not a chance I would miss my DD’s last day in primary!

GuitarGeorge · 16/10/2023 16:16

Ask your dc?

Mine genuinely wouldn’t have cared two hoots.

HerMammy · 16/10/2023 16:16

Does everyone book a day off work for last day of primary? I honestly have never heard of this, all 4
of mine just came home as normal, usually early finish and off out with their pals like any other day.

ASGIRC · 16/10/2023 16:18

LakeTiticaca · 16/10/2023 15:38

Didn't know it was a thing. It never used to be. My mum didn't come to my last day at primary and I didn't go to my kids.(20 years ago)
Neither did we have these silly "graduation ceremonies " or high school proms thank god!!

I am utterly baffled by the fact that this is a thing at all.
It would even be a blip on my radar.
I dont remember my parents going to school for anything other than parent teacher nights!

saraclara · 16/10/2023 16:24

It goes without saying that none of the school staff will be able to go to their own kids' last day of primary. So this whole 'you have to be there or you're a selfish parent' is ludicrous.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 16/10/2023 16:24

really? it's just primary school its not a big deal. she'll have soon forgotten about it

BethDuttonsTwin · 16/10/2023 16:29

I wouldn't go.

Legendairy · 16/10/2023 16:33

I have had 2 go through school and I have obviously completely missed what big event end of primary is, mine just came home. I went on hols during DS1s GCSEs, he had his dad there if he needed anything and he'd done all the work he needed to prior. It wasn't a big deal at all if they have 2 parents.

If your DH is around then it's not really an issue IMO.

Tohaveandtohold · 16/10/2023 16:33

Will dh or another close relative go?
I’ll go if there’ll be someone else there for her. My dh is not sentimental either but this is something he’ll be happy to attend if I’m not there or even if I’m there.

Legendairy · 16/10/2023 16:34

I am so confused, what exactly is it that people would miss on last day of primary?

Mumoftwotoddlers · 16/10/2023 16:36

Why not just ask your DD if she would like you there or not, surely it's that simple. Or depending on dates/duration of trip, could you come back a couple of days early to be there for her?

Megifer · 16/10/2023 16:36

Awww I'm normally a bit cold hearted (haven't given a moments thought when I've had to miss assemblies, sports days etc) but I'm SO glad I didn't miss the last day of primary. The last drop-off, they had a lovely leavers assembly, leavers hoodies presented....getting him a new cool outfit to wear on his last day but making sure he took an old shirt in to get signed...his little smiley but tear stained face when he came running out looking for me (which I wasn't expecting hes normally as off hand as me ha!), the little leavers party the parents arranged.....getting him a mc ds as a treat on the way home...

My god no don't do it I think you'll regret it. Can go on holiday anytime but this kiddie milestone only happens once then they get shoved into the wild west that's high-school 😩

BurbageBrook · 16/10/2023 16:38

No I wouldn't go.

ScarlettSunset · 16/10/2023 16:38

LakeTiticaca · 16/10/2023 15:38

Didn't know it was a thing. It never used to be. My mum didn't come to my last day at primary and I didn't go to my kids.(20 years ago)
Neither did we have these silly "graduation ceremonies " or high school proms thank god!!

Me either.
First day was a big thing but not last day. My son was just pleased it was summer holidays starting....

Megifer · 16/10/2023 16:40

And fwiw I asked him if he'd be bothered (because there was a chance I couldn't move meetings around to fit the assembly and pick up in) and he said he wasn't bothered if I couldn't make it. But he did say afterwards he was so happy I was there even if I did look embarrassing as I had a little cry

Kids are great at working out "would you be upset if I couldn't do XYZ" means "I don't think I can go but don't want you to be sad" so they usually say what they think you want to hear.... I think anyway 😔

CaineRaine · 16/10/2023 16:42

It is irrelevant that this wasn’t a thing a few years ago (I don’t remember my last day of primary) but it most certainly IS a thing now. At our school, there’s a leavers assembly, they get clapped out of the school by the other pupils then all kids and parents head off for a get together (meal, activity like a trampoline park etc) to mark the end of a stage of childhood.

I’d either join the trip late or leave a bit early to be there OP.