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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent missing last day of primary?

283 replies

Knickerbockergrolia · 16/10/2023 15:08

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

OP posts:
Tiredhotmess · 19/10/2023 12:49

Back in my day leaving primary school wasn't a big thing, and there were no special assemblies/parties/leavers events that I recall, so it was a bit of a non-event really. However, that is not the case now, and I would have felt terribly guilty if I had not been there for either of my DD's last days. The Leavers Assembly was lovely, and quite emotional, and I'm glad I got to go to that.
There will be other opportunities for you to go away with your friends, but your DC's last day of Primary School only happens once. I think you would regret it if you weren't around for it 😊

NextLeft · 19/10/2023 12:57

I wouldn't have wanted to miss the last week, but a year ago I'd probably have said that it doesn't really matter, especially if there's a parent there, and that was just how I personally felt.

Then my DC2 had an absolutely shocking last 6 months at primary. Friendships collapsed, anxiety rocketed, the whole class sort of imploded socially. It was hellish. Obviously that's a bit extreme and hopefully nothing like that will happen with your DC, OP, but mine really needed me there at the end. There were times when I wasn't sure they would be able to stay in school until the end because they were so miserable.

There were also quite a few leavers events that I would have been sad to have missed.

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 19/10/2023 13:09

Maybe I'm super sensitive but I actually still remember my parents not being around for my last day of school, more than 20 years later. It wasn't as big a thing back then but we did have a leavers assembly and I still remember looking out into the crowd while we did a little song and dance and feeling sad that my parents weren't there. I probably seemed fine when I got home but it says something that I can still remember that feeling 20 years later.

Alibaba87 · 19/10/2023 13:09

I went to 3 schools growing up (infant, junior, high) and don’t remember any last days or what my parents were doing! Just go she’ll be fine.

YorkshireLucy · 19/10/2023 13:21

There are lots of parents who can't be there on their children's last day. Like teachers who have children for example.
She'll be fine. As another poster suggested, just leave her a message and small gift.
I worked in a school myself when both mine left primary, missed out on lots of assemblies and plays too. They were fine.
I know it's nice to make those memories so it's really down to what you want to do.
Have you asked her?

TeamGeriatric · 19/10/2023 13:31

My daughter finished primary last year, and I wouldn't have chosen to be miss that last week it was hectic and emotional for both her and I. There were though a couple of kids in her class not really phased by it all, so I think it depends on her personality and how she's likely to be feeling and only you can guage that.

Baba197 · 19/10/2023 14:01

How will your dd feel if you aren’t there? Have you asked her? If you think she would be upset then you have answered your own question. Leaving primary only happens once and neither of you can get that time back

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/10/2023 14:06

My Dd left primary in the middle of Covid in 2020. They didn’t have any big events to celebrate and they don’t seem any the worse for it. So I suppose I’m a bit sceptical about the importance of this.

crumblingschools · 19/10/2023 14:19

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing think the difference is if something is happening whether you will miss out if you don’t go. Some children hate missing it if their parents take them out of school early for holidays so they don’t get to do the leavers’ assembly.

Many posters were really upset when these sort of events couldn’t happen during COVID

Harry12345 · 19/10/2023 14:23

I’d want to be there more for me than my child, they’d prob not care lol, but if you are ok to miss it then it’s ok to go as dad there

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 19/10/2023 14:43

I never understand why parents are supposed to turn up for these events. What happens if they are at work?

RampantIvy · 19/10/2023 14:49

usernother · 16/10/2023 16:02

I honestly don't know why the last day at Primary has been so hyped up to be such a big thing. IMO anything happening should be organised by school so no, you don't need to be there.

Do you have children in year 6 or who have left primary school in recent years?

The leavers assembly is a thing these days and most parents/carers do make an effort to attend.

DD left primary school 12 years ago and the assembly was a full production with all the year 6 pupils singing and putting on a show for the parents. The hall was packed.

Roto15 · 19/10/2023 14:53

I went away for the last day of infants school (here they move to a different school for juniors). I didn’t really think it through and I felt terrible for missing it - to the point where I didn’t enjoy myself as much and got upset on the actual day. My DC was absolutely fine, didn’t care at all, but I think the fact that you’re asking means you might. So if you can I’d try and get your friends to change the date so you can properly enjoy it x

usernother · 19/10/2023 17:32

@RampantIvy Do you have children in year 6 or who have left primary school in recent years? The leavers assembly is a thing these days and most parents/carers do make an effort to attend. DD left primary school 12 years ago and the assembly was a full production with all the year 6 pupils singing and putting on a show for the parents. The hall was packed.

I know what goes on in schools at the end of year six. My point is I don't know why it's become such a big deal with so much fuss.

crumblingschools · 19/10/2023 17:36

When I left Primary school there was no fanfare but there was no transition preparation either for moving onto Secondary school. Now schools do a lot more transition work for moving up all stages but particularly the move to Secondary school.

SpudleyLass · 19/10/2023 17:36

RampantIvy · 19/10/2023 14:49

Do you have children in year 6 or who have left primary school in recent years?

The leavers assembly is a thing these days and most parents/carers do make an effort to attend.

DD left primary school 12 years ago and the assembly was a full production with all the year 6 pupils singing and putting on a show for the parents. The hall was packed.

Show quote history

Which is a bit mental and puts too much pressure on parents - see Mums, mostly - that shouldn't be happening.

Yes 2004 was 20 years ago, but it wasn't that long ago either, really.

Like I said to the other poster, I'd do something with the child after the event.

Noodles1234 · 19/10/2023 18:23

I would not go.

you may regret it in a few years time, I would have wanted my Mum to be there, however your choice.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/10/2023 18:56

Where are you going @Knickerbockergrolia

Can't you catch a day earlier flight

Best of both worlds

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 19/10/2023 19:08

“I” would go, but if I was one of your friends and you explained why you couldn’t come, I’d do my best to rearrange to a time that worked for you. You wouldn’t be unreasonable to go, but neither would you be unreasonable not to go. Only you can say how you feel about something like that, based on yourself and also your child.

My own DC wouldn’t have batted an eyelid, tbh.

MsRosley · 19/10/2023 19:44

crumblingschools · 19/10/2023 11:14

@MsRosley DH took time off as did many dads at DS’s school. Bearing in mind many mum’s work they too have to take time off.

Glad to hear things are changing, but in my experience, most men don't give a toss about things like that.

ASimpleLampoon · 20/10/2023 09:57

I have no qualms about going away without my kids. I do a solo trip away most years if I can afford it, but I think I would be there for the last day of school.

In the last week we had a transition day for the high school and an awards night DD won an award.

Autistic DS would have been inconsolable if I'd missed his "graduation"

What does your DD think? Would she be happy with just DH attending? I think it depends on your child

Samlewis96 · 20/10/2023 10:05

zeibesaffron · 19/10/2023 07:39

I wouldn’t go - leavers assembly, leavers disco / prom etc…. On the last day all the parents bought picnic food and we just relaxed for a few hours outside school (there was a large open space) while the kids continued playing! We then did a prom (parents not school). It was lovely 😊

Glad wasn't done at my kids school. Wouldn't have been amused at losing money ( self employed single parent) to be sat in a field with a load of parents I didn't know.

Dd1 had nothing. Dd2 and DS had a leavers assembly but nothing else involving parents

SerenChocolateMuncher · 20/10/2023 10:12

I can't remember for certain what I was doing on my daughter's (now 30) last day at primary school, but I think it's safe to say I was working. If I was supposed to be at school with her, neither she nor the school told me.

It must be very difficult for working parents when previously unremarkable days have been turned into important events that their children will suffer terrible trauma if their parents miss.

It sounds like something SAHMs have invented to indulge themselves.

Hmcs · 20/10/2023 13:39

Could you come back a day earlier by yourself?

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/10/2023 14:47

Hmcs · 20/10/2023 13:39

Could you come back a day earlier by yourself?

I've said this several times so 6 days not 7

But op doesn't seem to want to reply