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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent missing last day of primary?

283 replies

Knickerbockergrolia · 16/10/2023 15:08

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

OP posts:
Healthkick · 16/10/2023 16:42

I didn’t go to my sons. I genuinely didn’t know it was a thing. I was working full time.

PicaK · 16/10/2023 16:42

Your kid will be fine without you.
Do you want to be there more than you want to be on the holiday? Will the week away give you more of a buzz - in terms of being "not mum" etc.
I'd be really torn as both important.
Your life, you choose. Either decision is equally valid.

Passepartoute · 16/10/2023 16:42

In your position, I would either give the holiday a miss this year or arrange to come back early. I'm not massively sentimental but was there for the final day in primary school of all three of my children and wouldn't want to have missed them.

ChateauMargaux · 16/10/2023 16:44

Also to add... DH always came too..

I wouldn't want to do something for my first child that I didn't then do for my second.. if it was a big deal.

If it is just another day at school and she could go for an icecream on the wwith me with DH.. that would be fine.

I wouldn't give up an annual meet up with friends that couldn't be moved.lightly, I would try to do both.

readbooksdrinktea · 16/10/2023 16:47

saraclara · 16/10/2023 16:24

It goes without saying that none of the school staff will be able to go to their own kids' last day of primary. So this whole 'you have to be there or you're a selfish parent' is ludicrous.

This! Baffling.

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 16:55

If the dates can’t be changed, then I wouldn’t go.

There’s no way I’d miss my child’s last day of primary school.

It only happens once (twice including secondary school) and it’s one of the biggest things to happen in their lives.

Leaving primary school is an even bigger deal than leaving secondary school, as most kids are excited to leave secondary but leaving primary can be very daunting, stressful and sad.

Kids need their parents in a time like this.

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 16:57

readbooksdrinktea · 16/10/2023 16:47

This! Baffling.

Show quote history

But they would still be in the same country and see them in the morning and evening.

It’s a completely different scenario.

AllWeWantToDo · 16/10/2023 16:59

I can't remeber what happened with ds1 , I know ds2 had a school disco but obviously parents didn't go

Ds3 has just gone into year 8 and there was a disco, again parents obviously didn't go and leavers assembly which as long as they have a parent/gp there I think it's fine, obviously teachers can't go to their dcs assembly and sometimes both parents will be teachers

There was none of this meeting them on their last day business, they all walked home on their own as did all their friends

SecondUsername4me · 16/10/2023 17:00

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 16:57

But they would still be in the same country and see them in the morning and evening.

It’s a completely different scenario.

Show quote history

And this child has a father who would do the same.

BeckhamSeven · 16/10/2023 17:01

Depends - at my kid's school it's a fairly big thing, and it was the same at my school, with the parents all coming to pick the kids up and having a celebration...it's a lovely time.

But then other schools it's not really a "thing".

I probably would want to be there, just because it's an end of an era!

AllWeWantToDo · 16/10/2023 17:01

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 16:57

But they would still be in the same country and see them in the morning and evening.

It’s a completely different scenario.

Show quote history

Well ds3 &4s dad doesn't even live in the same country so he wasn't there

Megifer · 16/10/2023 17:02

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 16:55

If the dates can’t be changed, then I wouldn’t go.

There’s no way I’d miss my child’s last day of primary school.

It only happens once (twice including secondary school) and it’s one of the biggest things to happen in their lives.

Leaving primary school is an even bigger deal than leaving secondary school, as most kids are excited to leave secondary but leaving primary can be very daunting, stressful and sad.

Kids need their parents in a time like this.

Agree. I was really surprised at my usually stoic DS just looking so bewildered and overwhelmed, hugging all the teachers, even the ones he didnt like, really tight and his face crumpling at times. Then fist bumping his little pals saying they'll all keep in touch etc.....

Christ I'm filling up a bit now at the memory of it 😩 I was genuinely surprised at how emotive it all was tbh

StraightBends · 16/10/2023 17:05

I would not have missed it myself, but it is really over-the-top to describe it as shit parenting and selfish behaviour. Some people really need to get a grip.

sHREDDIES19 · 16/10/2023 17:11

I think as your kids get older you see things differently and things that were maybe a big deal then aren’t when you look back. It think the last day of primary is so hyped up as they’ve no doubt done loads in the build up like prom, away day, hoodies, leavers concert etc. For me the leavers concert was the most memorable and special as it charted their journey through the years and was both humorous and emotional. The last day itself was a bit of an anticlimax as after the claps that’s it!

Coolbeans2 · 16/10/2023 17:13

Leaving primary is a big deal - proms, assemblies, parties, emotions etc. I was there for all my dc leaving primary and I wouldn't have missed it.

Zanatdy · 16/10/2023 17:13

I’d go too, dad will be around?

Spacemoon · 16/10/2023 17:14

Assuming Dad will be going? If so, then I wouldn't even think twice about it. I very rarely get to go to school events and I think most working parents are the same. I understand a holiday is different than work commitments, but it shouldn't be something you feel guilty about. We're not quite at the leavers stage of primary yet, but I think I would like to go personally, but if I couldn't or had something else important planned, as long as dad and/or a grandparent was there, it wouldn't be a big deal to miss it.

I highly doubt most dads would give missing it a second thought, but mums seem to guilt their selves over everything.

Ultimately though, if you want to go, would you enjoy yourself or would you feel like you'd missed out? Equally, if you miss out on the holiday for that one day, would you regret it? Decision is yours, but either way you wouldn't be being unreasonable.

TiredArse · 16/10/2023 17:17

I had no idea that was even a thing.

00100001 · 16/10/2023 17:19

Never realised this was a "thing" either...

00100001 · 16/10/2023 17:20

Coolbeans2 · 16/10/2023 17:13

Leaving primary is a big deal - proms, assemblies, parties, emotions etc. I was there for all my dc leaving primary and I wouldn't have missed it.

Never used to be a big deal

Coolbeans2 · 16/10/2023 17:21

Legendairy · 16/10/2023 16:34

I am so confused, what exactly is it that people would miss on last day of primary?

My Dd is 21 now, but when she left, the final week was busy - they had a prom (basically a party arranged by parents) school disco, leavers' assembly, awards assemblies and on the final day they came out to claps from staff and parents and we took photos of them with their friends and teachers.

The same has happened since with my younger dc. I found it an emotional week for myself and child and I definitely wanted to be there. The leavers' assemblies are amazing, hilarious and tear jerking all at once!

DressingRoom · 16/10/2023 17:22

I agree with others that there's no unreasonableness either way, it's a matter of what you want to do and how your specific child specifically feels.

But is there no flexibility on holiday dates with the rest of the group?

Myhusbandearns150k · 16/10/2023 17:22

Not everything has to be a big deal. Go on holiday.

octodrive · 16/10/2023 17:23

@00100001

Never used to be a big deal

This is such a weird comment to make

It doesn't matter that it 'never used to be' - it is now, and OP and her DC are living in now time, not way back when

Coolbeans2 · 16/10/2023 17:24

octodrive · 16/10/2023 17:23

@00100001

Never used to be a big deal

This is such a weird comment to make

It doesn't matter that it 'never used to be' - it is now, and OP and her DC are living in now time, not way back when

Also, since when??
I'm in my 40s and have loads of photos that I took with my primary school friends on our last days. It wasn't the same as it is now, but it was definitely an 'occasion'

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