To pretend to drive off and leave 3 year old

[Floatinginmycanoe]

My DD (3 next month) is being a bit tricky at the moment.

Today she refused to leave the park, and I had her baby brother in a carrier so would have struggled to pick her up. I left thinking she’d follow but she didn’t, so I got in the car and started it. She then came running over. It didn’t feel like a very good way of dealing with it but I’m not sure what else to do when she refuses to leave.

I don’t know why but counting down from 3 always worked for me. I definitely would get into the car and start it, I’d be too anxious for that.

Try setting a timer on your phone and tell her when it goes off its time to leave. She can press the start button and turn it off when it goes off. Then take her hand and say its time to leave and walk out.

I can try although I doubt it will work.

Not that’s not right and very traumatic for her. Maybe she will remember it and not do it again, if she doesn’t then don’t repeat it, or she will be starting threads in later years about her mother and how she used to pretend to drive off and leave her at 3.

i would speak to her though and tell her she can’t say no and if she refuses again she doesn’t go to the park. Then remind her when you are leaving to go.

It’s fine. You’ll have gentle parents coming at you in horror, but half the time kids find that funny. She hasn’t been scarred for life, and she has learned that when you say you’re leaving, you’re not kidding around. You need them to know you mean it when you say it, and she has learned that. Keep being firm with boundaries, and always go through with it if you say it is time to go. They do pick it up quite quickly when you hold the line firmly.

I think empty threats are pretty pointless and I know it's tempting, but it's a bit mean to pretend to leave her 🫤

I'd offer a choice. "Do you want to walk to the carry by yourself or holding my hand?" Or do the classic "Let's race to the car! Bet you can't beat me!"

Nah, you're fine. It's not like you actually drive off & left her there!!

at the same age (after months of cajoling & bribing) LO got driven to school in her knickers as she had been warned would happen if she wasn't dressed in time. I had put uniform in the boot of the car. I pulled over near the school & gave her the option to get dressed. She did. I told her clearly though, if there was a next time I would not be giving her that option!

she was great after that and any dallying I just had to mention it was getting very close to knickers for school & she'd stop messing about!

she's working now & never seems to need to get to work in her underwear!!

I was going to say it sounds fine to me and no different to pretending to walk off (which I used to do and it was very effective).

But then I thought about other cars. It might be dangerous if she panics and runs towards your car, without seeing another car reversing or something?

I would have put the baby in their car seat then gone and picked her up.

Put her brother in the car go back and pick her up and put her in the car

I wouldn't. My mum did that to me, I was older but can't remember the exact age. I knew she wouldn't actually leave me so just stood and waited and she had to turn around and come back and after that she lost some of her power!!

I do think you should walk off from her so that she follows fine but please be very careful with cars though as she may panic and run out in front of a car (I knew a toddler who was sadly killed in a car park.)

I'd offer a choice. "Do you want to walk to the carry by yourself or holding my hand?" Or do the classic "Let's race to the car! Bet you can't beat me!"

I can tell you’ve never had an extremely stubborn or wilful child!

Mine would just have screamed “NO!”

Can you say 'we are going to leave in 10 minutes and go and get lunch?' (or whatever it is) and keep reminding, 'we're leaving in five minutes', 'we're leaving in a minute - then it's not a surprise to her if she was mid-playing a game or doing something fun. Might that work?

That's the sort of thing my parents would've done, and it worked for them. Not sure it fits with today's gentle parenting ethos though so you'll probably be told to spend an hour trying to reason with her instead!

Far enough.
In that case, I would have put the baby in the car and picked the 3 year up under my arm like a plank of wood while they screamed and cried and then wrestled them into their car seat 😂

I think it’s more like she’ll quickly twig you’re bluffing.

she might enjoy chasing you round the car park though😁

But really the answer is to put the baby in the seat and pick her up (kicking and screaming optional)

No it is not fine! What have you taught her, mum will scare me into complying? Abandon me when I am "tricky"?

I am a firm believer of using positive reinforcement. When you do X you get y - y can be ten minutes on a swing etc it doesn't have to be material etc.

Clearly state the plan for them, give a count down, we are leaving in 5, 2 minutes. Use game strategy if required, "I bet I can get your brother in before you" make light of it.

It's not gentle parenting if it is my grandma was generation's ahead of her time.

That sounds incredibly dangerous to me. I don’t know the parking situation, but getting into a car and leaving your 2 year old to panic in a car park or near a road is just negligent to say the least. I know toddlers are difficult but no, I would never do this. I used to have a small packet of sweets or chocolate ready for leaving places that I knew/know my children may not want to leave. Or in the park I used to leave the play area 5 minutes early with the promise of seeing the ducks on the way back to the car.

Unfortunately offering choices doesn’t work, she either says no to both or just ignores you.

I could see her all the time but I get it must have been upsetting for her even in the briefest of moments. It’s just very hard when they point back refuse and everyone is being held to the whims of a 3 year old.

I wouldn't because mine is so stubborn he still wouldn't come, and then what would I do? I mean, obviously I'd then go and pick him up, but it just wouldn't work as a strategy for mine.

She wasn’t in a car park or a road, it was an enclosed park with swings and slides. She ran to the gate when I got in the car. She wasn’t on the road or the car park alone.

Crunchy mum alert!

No I wouldn’t do this. You need to perfect the art of carrying screaming toddler in one arm and car seat in another, or take pram for toddler and carry car seat. I gave up reasoning with my toddler and would end up having to just carry her away screaming and kicking on a few particularly bad occassions

The other problem is while I can physically remove her it’s really not easy as she fights you and then it’s incredibly hard getting her in the car seat. This way she came willingly sort of!