To pretend to drive off and leave 3 year old

[Floatinginmycanoe]

My DD (3 next month) is being a bit tricky at the moment.

Today she refused to leave the park, and I had her baby brother in a carrier so would have struggled to pick her up. I left thinking she’d follow but she didn’t, so I got in the car and started it. She then came running over. It didn’t feel like a very good way of dealing with it but I’m not sure what else to do when she refuses to leave.

I had 3 dc under 5 at one point so I completely get what it is like wrangling defiant young children with a baby. I have def used the 'bye, I'm going then' technique, but I would never do it with a car involved.

The biggest issue I'm seeing here is that you are saying you are physically unable to deal with your 3yo when you have the baby in the carrier. In that case, I'd suggest getting a double pram. You need to be able to pick your 3yo up in these situations. The walk away technique will not always work, they soon get wise to it.

I have a 2.5 year old who can be very wilful and also screams no at times when we have to leave. I would never do this, though. If all my bargaining/distraction/diversion tactics had failed, I'd pick her up and put her under my arm and walk out with her screaming blue murder before I ever pretended to leave her. But equally I don't have a baby strapped to my chest as well, so I don't know how I'd have dealt with it in that situation where there was a risk of the baby being harmed by her tantrum. Sounds like a really tough situation, OP. I'm right there with you with the toddler years! This too shall pass and we will have strong minded young women as daughters. That's what I tell myself when my 2 year old is being defiant, anyway 😂

🙄

I’m too old and knackered to climb up climbing frames after toddlers

you lost me here, if you are not able or willing to do this then you should not be taking her to the park and it’s toddlers it’s your own child.

its starting to sound like you can’t be arsed. And if that’s the case don’t take her to the park.

I won’t lie this also made me go 🤨. Something whiffs of goading here, I’m
not saying the op is being untruthful but there’s certainly a lot of ‘answer for everything’ going on.

Well it’s obvious where the OP’s DD got her unwillingness to listen from 😉

Nope

Ha, I was thinking the same thing!

It was a joke.

I could equally point out that posters aren’t really listening to me. You are, you just disagree. Likewise I disagree. I haven’t been rude about it, so I’m not sure why the assumption is that I’m joking. I also don’t really see why it’s the case I ‘can’t be arsed’ when I am actually the opposite and making a huge effort to get out and about for her, both when heavily pregnant and with a newborn.

God you have a three year old, a newborn, you’re heavily pregnant AND you go to the playground! Forget the rest, you deserve a solid gold medal just for that.

I took my toddler to the playground earlier today and had to climb to the top of extremely high climbing frame (in my pregnant and ungainly state) to rescue them. It was not fun.

I hear parents all the time threatening to leave their kids in the playground! It’s not very ‘gentle parenting’ but it’s an undeniably popular strategy so I’m guessing it works a treat 😆

She is your DD and you know her better than anyone on here. Sometimes doing what is best for your sanity is what is best for the DC. I had one DD who was such an angel - she would be upset if I refused to make eye contact - eg if I told her not to do something and looked away she would stop what she was doing and come to me to make sure I looked her in the eye and smiled! I also had a DS who would not have responded at all to me saying I was leaving and would have been quite confident to stay on his own and another DS who would have bargained his way into an extra 5 minutes and then come quite happily.

You do what you have to do to communicate with your child in the way that they best understand.

God you have a three year old, a newborn, you’re heavily pregnant AND you go to the playground! Forget the rest, you deserve a solid gold medal just for that.

I'm pretty sure OP isn't heavily pregnant with a newborn

She could be @margotrose Might be adoptive kids or she might be a child minder or anything. There’s all sorts round our way! Couldn’t think of anything harder myself <shudders>

Sorry, but the reference to social services for this example of parenting is LUDICROUS. Having worked in education with minors for decades, you’d be shocked at the treatment some children receive and social services are not even remotely interested let alone capable of intervening.

I still remember telling my dad I was running away when I was about 5. He called me a taxi 😆 I had no idea how I’d pay for it or what I’d do when I got out. I’m sure you’ve guessed that he never actually called one.

I didn't say this would result in intervention (have experience in an allied profession) - I just meant professionals would consider carrying a child away to be normal parenting and pretending to abandon a child to be .

Oh, give over. I have never met a parent who hasn’t said, “If you don’t come, I’m leaving.” And then walked away/turned on. The cad engine when the kid doesn’t move. It’s totally bloody normal.

Even referencing social services in this context is farfetched and scaremongering for exhausted parents trying to do their best.

Far too many perfect parents on this thread based on phrases like, ‘if you can’t be arsed, don’t take her to the park at all.’ LOL.

I would have done the same as you OP. I also have a 3 year old and a baby and if the usual countdowns, bribes, treats and even threats don’t work, I normally tell DS ‘I’m going now’ and walk off. If he didn’t follow and still hadn’t come along by the time I’d got to the car and put the baby in, I’d probably have started the engine too.

If you could see her the whole time and she was in an enclosed area where she couldn’t get onto a road or anywhere dangerous then I think it’s fine to have done what you did. In fact I’d prefer that to picking up DS and wrangling him into the car as we’d probably both get hurt that way. I know what you mean about them being super strong when they’re being forced to do something they don’t want to do. Hope you’re ok now.

I feel the op has dismissed many comments. I was trying to make the point that threatening to abandon a child is really not on.

We've all been knackered, and none of us is perfect, but some things are not the correct choice.

Threatening to abandon a very young child is not ok.

The op didn't do that.

The op left the child behind a gate they couldn't open and pretended they were going to drive off.

My worry with you doing that is that she may end up running in front of another car, or doing something else dangerous.

I walk off when DS is dicking about, he follows eventually. I don’t think he is scarred. I obviously don’t get far.

DH counts to five. He doesn’t threaten any consequences, just says “Right! I’m going to count to five!” and apparently the very idea of him counting to five is scary enough to make a group of six year olds fall into line.

Take her by the hand to the car, surprised you didn't think of that

Are you a parent? Have you never had nor seen a toddler having a tantrum
and refusing to walk. You can’t drag them by the arm as you can dislocate it, taking them by the hand makes no difference to a toddler in a tantrum literally refusing to move. You have to properly get them into a wrestle hold and carry them, which isn’t safe when you’re heavily pregnant.

If my three year old is being difficult, I’ll go get in the car in the drive and start it and begin to move, leaving him in the house. That lights a fire under him. I only had to do it a couple of times. ✖️