To pretend to drive off and leave 3 year old

[Floatinginmycanoe]

My DD (3 next month) is being a bit tricky at the moment.

Today she refused to leave the park, and I had her baby brother in a carrier so would have struggled to pick her up. I left thinking she’d follow but she didn’t, so I got in the car and started it. She then came running over. It didn’t feel like a very good way of dealing with it but I’m not sure what else to do when she refuses to leave.

Just make up something exciting that you’re going to do when you get in the car (has she got a pretend steering wheel to play with?) or when you get home (bake cakes, get out the play doh- something she likes) and talk about it really enthusiastically before you even mention leaving. Turn everything into a game like someone suggested- a race to the car, or who can get their belt on fastest etc etc. It mostly works. If not, bribery. If it’s really that difficult and you can’t physically carry her mid-strop then avoid these trigger points for a while, go to the park when your partner or a friend is there who can help.

No I don't think its fine. You need to use a pram. What would you have done if your daughter had of run off? Kids do this all the time!

I once let a toddler go down a very wet slide! I knew he would not want to leave the park when it was time to go and had avoided or dried all the other play equipment. I warned him it was nearly time to go and let him go on the slide. In wet trousers he was quite happy to go home (wasn't my child so I don't know if it was a long term strategy)

Buy some reins and keep them on when she's not cooperating.

She's a toddler - they don't get to choose.

Both my children went through stages of this, I did what many parents before me have done and pretended to walk off many times.... mine were not bothered 😳😅

DS went through this a lot longer than DD and what I found worked for him was

Giving him a lot of notice and repeating it, we're going in 20 minutes, we're going in 10 ect

I also bribed my DS constantly in the form of..... whoever walks the nicest back home can come with me to the shop and get some sweets,

When DS walked nicely anywhere I made a big fuss to whoever I was with "look at him walking nicely like a big boy". That's just reminded me, when DD was like this i spoke to the baby a lot in front of her about how nicely his big sister was walking or behaving ect

I didnt get it right everytime and there were some days where he still had almighty tantrums but it definetly helped.

Nice try, but you said, 'I don’t know the parking situation, but getting into a car and leaving your 2 year old to panic in a car park or near a road is just negligent'.
She was not in a car park, nor near a road.

I generally wouldn't threaten a consequence that I couldn't/wouldn't follow through on. You're lucky she came because if she hadn't, then you'd be sitting there looking like an idiot, wondering what to do next. I understand the frustration, though.

Completely agree with this

Ok but you’d switched the car on, you can’t be in charge of a switched on car and your 2 year old in a park, with a fenced/gate between you.

There is potential for things to go wrong.

Could you leave a favourite snack in the car for her. Give a 5 minute warning that playtime is over and remind her of the snack that's waiting but only if she leaves when you say so.

@MarkWithaC She was not in a car park, nor near a road.

Well the car was clearly in a carpark or near a road or by definition OP wouldn't have been able to park there so what is to stop the child leaving the park and being around the moving cars unsupervised?

I actually saw some one do this in a supermarket car park, difference is they actually left the car park. I’ve never forgotten the look of fear on that child’s face. I took him to the security man inside the store and they called the police. So no, not a great idea and don’t do it again.

I have two of these children and I use the double buggy or now the single buggy as one is a bit older as it avoids the problem. Strap in buggy give food and drink then get other one and repeat. The food isn’t anything exciting but they are at least usually thirsty so will get in.
I do think in future when our children are grown up they won’t look back in a positive way of the mind games we play to make the behave. It could also be described as manipulation with naughty steps, time out and walking or driving off and threatening to leave them. I think I preferred the slap on legs and it was done!

Oh behave yourself 🙄

The gate stopped her leaving the park.

I am honestly not being argumentative on purpose but I’m not seeing how a pram or reins would help. She wouldn’t be in the pram or on reins when playing on the playground.

I also feel picking her up and dragging her is probably worse than what I did as we both end up getting hurt and probably the baby too.

Just remember it as a funny story to tell them later.

My 9 year old loves the story of when he refused to leave the park aged 18 months. We'd been there for an hour in torrential rain. When I said we had to go he lay down in the biggest puddle he could find and I had to carry him under my arm kicking and screaming all the walk home. We were both drenched. I put him in a nice warm bath and he was happy as larry 😂

I'm a bit confused about how there was no road or car park - where was your car if not in a car park outside the playground?

I also think there's a difference between pretending to walk off in the other direction and getting in a car, turning the engine on and pretending to drive away.

What would you have done if your DD had got through the gate and ran in the other direction away from you?

@margotrose

The playground is enclosed. There is a gate but it’s a very heavy iron one a child wouldn’t be able to open.

My car was parked just outside it on a car park. No road.

How bloody dangerous! The child could easily be knocked over. What a stupid parent that was.

You strap the baby in and leave them in the car for twenty seconds while you grab the screeching toddler. It's not ideal for anyone but sometimes it's the only way.

No judgement here! Whatever works!

It’s a tricky age

How did your child get to your car if they couldn’t open the gate?

Anyone remember that desperate housewives episode where Lynette left her boys on the pavement and drove off? When she came back a neighbour had taken them into her house and called the police.

On balance I think that’s probably less ideal than what I did but I appreciate people may not realise how strong she is, or maybe how weak I am or a combination of both. I also think if the argument is it’s unsafe to leave a toddler in an enclosed playground where I can see her it’s also probably unsafe to leave a baby in a car when I can’t.