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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sorry for my 4 year old

183 replies

ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 10:36

With Halloween coming up, dc2 has been letting us know that he absolutely wants to go trick or treating. He loves dressing up, and has excitedly helped put indoor decorations up; it is becoming evident that he loves this time of year. The issue is he will be alone, with dh taking him around. I have tried to focus on doing fun things indoors, but he still wants to go. He is so little, and the thought of him standing at doors on his own, with dh hovering, upsets me.

DD who is 6 is ND, and under no circumstances wants to accompany him. She has made it clear that she wants to stay indoors. DD has said that she wants to play a game where she knocks on a door inside our house, and trick or treats me, then I'm to give her sweets. She doesn't want to dress up, but does wish to wear a Halloween themed top. I'm trying to make the evening fun for her with pizza with ds, and spooky treats. Trick or treaters knocking scare her, so I will be putting a bowl of sweets outside.

I feel so sorry for them both, ds being alone, and it is making it more upsetting to me by the indoor game dd wants to play. If they both were happy indoors having a spooky fun evening it would feel fine.

Has anybody experiencing a similar situation? I just feel abit sad for them both.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 16/10/2023 10:39

Why is it sad that he goes just with his Dad? Isn't that what most children do?

Maxus · 16/10/2023 10:39

You have individual children who want you do separate things. Just go with it. I used to take my ds out alone, he loved it.

DustyLee123 · 16/10/2023 10:39

Yep. My last one had to go with me and the dog as the siblings were older and not interested.
Its a nice thing to do together

Colourfulponderings · 16/10/2023 10:40

I don’t understand why it’s so sad? If he were an only child or the eldest with a baby sibling he’d be on his own too.

We went out alone last year (first time trick or treating) and it didn’t occur to me to be anything but ordinary. As it happened, we fell into step with some others half way round, but I wouldn’t have thought it an issue if we hadn’t.

Needmorelego · 16/10/2023 10:41

Also this year Halloween falls on a Tuesday night so a lot of people will be doing Halloween stuff over the weekend before plus the actual day. Your 4 year old can easily do a mix of both - trick and treating plus indoor stuff.

newYear10 · 16/10/2023 10:41

Ridiculous op to even make this a thing. Sad about what? That's just normal life, one kid goes TT with dad- yes very sad.

mollyfolk · 16/10/2023 10:43

Could they join up with some school friends/neighbours and go round in a group? Even if it means going to a different neighbourhood? But if that’s not possible I wouldn’t feel bad. Lots of kids go alone with their parents and he will love it.

BertieBotts · 16/10/2023 10:43

Does he have any school/nursery friends who are going that they could tag along with? Cousins? Neighbours of a similar age? Friends from toddler groups?

As others are saying, he'll probably have a lovely time going just with dad! But if he did want to go with a group, there might be a group that you can find for him to join.

AuntieMarys · 16/10/2023 10:46

Talk about overreaction

evtheria · 16/10/2023 10:47

Do you have a local group on Facebook or NextDoor? Might be worth asking if there's anyone else with little ones who'd like to meet up and trick or treat together, or if there are some Halloween events on (usually at library, cafe, or community hall) so your child can have fun at that (and also go trick or treating).

mummymummymummummum · 16/10/2023 10:47

A lot of the trick or treaters around here are just families (including a child and a parent or two). Nobody ever looks sad! TBF I don’t think I’ve ever seen a child with a bag of sweets looking sad - sweets trump friends!

I tend to meet up with a friend, so two children and two mums. But that is more for my benefit than my child’s!

vapesareforsnakes · 16/10/2023 10:49

WHY on earth is it sad???

ReadyForPumpkins · 16/10/2023 10:49

I have 12 and 8 year olds so I have done lots of trick or treating. Many children go with just their parents. It's not sad at all. He'll love it.

2023forme · 16/10/2023 10:49

Aww @ApologiesandSanctomony forgive me if I’m wrong but is your sadness more a feeling of discomfort that your DC want to do different things and you can’t all go ToT together?

your DC will be happy doing what they want to do and DS just going with his dad is lovely - please don’t think of it as sad. Just go with the flow and enjoy knowing your DC are doing what they wanted. 💐 👻

Original poster
ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 10:49

Thank you all, I feel better knowing I'm being abit silly! Ds is very sociable, and would love going in a group, but all of the children around where we live either don't go, or are older.
If ds was an only child, or dd was a baby I think I'd feel differently. I think it is because he has been asking his sister go too, and generally getting excited. The game dd is wanting to plays like she wants to do it, but is scared. She masks alot, gets jealous of ds, and I don't want her to feel sad underneath.

OP posts:
Original poster
ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 10:51

Just to mention my dcs don't know how I am feeling, I would never ever make it a thing with them. I have shown enthusiasm for both of their wishes.

OP posts:
bryceQ · 16/10/2023 10:51

Eh I don't understand why you're sad? It's lovely to go with his dad. Why would that be an issue? I'm fairly certain he will be buzzing with sweets and fun to care if his sister is there

ReadyForPumpkins · 16/10/2023 10:51

Oh I see. My 8 year old is going herself with DH this year. 12 year old refused to go. DC1 has done it herself without her younger sister. Many people will be in the same boat. Once he's at school and if he goes to a local school, you can see if you can get a local friend to go together.

Consideringachange2023 · 16/10/2023 10:52

He’ll be fine OP - it’s not a bad thing to let him learn that if he wants to enjoy something he should go ahead and do it and not be held back by being alone.

Yes it’s lovely to enjoy fun activities with siblings and friends but it’s also really important to be able to enjoy things on our own and not dependant on others.

I know lots of people who won’t even go for a coffee or an exercise class on their own….

arethereanyleftatall · 16/10/2023 10:52

Just go with friends from school then?

This is all really silly, and actually really unfair that you are putting this 'sadness' on your dd.

MidnightOnceMore · 16/10/2023 10:53

I think you sound like great parents - supporting two different children to do the things they each want!

Lucky kids! Imagine either a) making your DD go out or b) making your DS stay in - both of those would be much more sad IMO.

Noorandapples · 16/10/2023 10:53

You need to reframe it, they won't be lonely they both get to have uninterrupted one on one quality time with a parent.
It might end up a really memorable bonding evening for each of them, it's hard giving kids individual attention and this is a nice way to do it.

Original poster
ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 10:54

Thank you @2023forme I think I would feel better if we all stayed in together or all went out. I have to remember it is only a short time then we can all have fun in the house. I just wish ds had a little friend to go with, and that dd didn't feel scared. It is what it is.

OP posts:
LovedmyRaleighChopper · 16/10/2023 10:54

It is a bit sad if you don’t have any Mum friends with kids of similar ages. Most people have built these relationships at playgroups, childminders or nurseries by now but it’s not too late. Isn’t he at reception yet with a class WhatsApp group? In my area you get the odd single parent with a kid or two trick or treating but mostly it’s a few mums with a gang of kids who’ve probably got together over the kids. Ask the other parents wherever he mingles what they are up to that night, you’ll find others in a similar situation.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/10/2023 10:55

Not sure why sad

When dd now 6 was 1/2/3 we did the round the block and knocking just us 2

Was always an amazing house at top of road

3/4 was cancelled due to covid

And last 2 years we have gone with school friends round the block

Amazing house at top of road is now a school friend in same year

I said to mum I always loved the way she did so much of garden decorated

Not sure why you think it's sad

Ds can go with his dad and enjoy