Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sorry for my 4 year old

183 replies

ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 10:36

With Halloween coming up, dc2 has been letting us know that he absolutely wants to go trick or treating. He loves dressing up, and has excitedly helped put indoor decorations up; it is becoming evident that he loves this time of year. The issue is he will be alone, with dh taking him around. I have tried to focus on doing fun things indoors, but he still wants to go. He is so little, and the thought of him standing at doors on his own, with dh hovering, upsets me.

DD who is 6 is ND, and under no circumstances wants to accompany him. She has made it clear that she wants to stay indoors. DD has said that she wants to play a game where she knocks on a door inside our house, and trick or treats me, then I'm to give her sweets. She doesn't want to dress up, but does wish to wear a Halloween themed top. I'm trying to make the evening fun for her with pizza with ds, and spooky treats. Trick or treaters knocking scare her, so I will be putting a bowl of sweets outside.

I feel so sorry for them both, ds being alone, and it is making it more upsetting to me by the indoor game dd wants to play. If they both were happy indoors having a spooky fun evening it would feel fine.

Has anybody experiencing a similar situation? I just feel abit sad for them both.

OP posts:
Original poster
ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 11:14

@CarpetLady thank you, that's given me a good giggle.

OP posts:
fearfuloffluff · 16/10/2023 11:14

I hate trick or treating - both the going and the having randoms knock on the door. My 2 kids have never been, I guess they must be utterly distraught?!

Your youngest is learning that other people have preferences that might not be the same as theirs, and how to show tolerance and understanding for that. It might not make for supercute pictures but its them being themselves.

We often do spooky type food and decoration together and DC love that.

Original poster
ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 11:17

'You must have built his expectations up very high so at 4 he's excited to go trick or treating especially if his older sister is so frightened of it?'

No, all I've built up is fun indoors, he is sociable and aware of more now.

OP posts:
Funkyslippers · 16/10/2023 11:18

ApologiesandSanctomony when I said "they" I meant your ds and OH. But if answering the door isn't an option at all then that's ok

Original poster
ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 11:20

Thanks @Funkyslippers we don't get many, apart from acouple of older dcs small bowl of sweets outside, as wouldn't want them knocking because of dd.

OP posts:
widowtwankywashroom · 16/10/2023 11:21

I think trick or treating is bloody awful.
Knocking on doors asking for treats.
You wouldn't do it any other night of the year.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 16/10/2023 11:26

Round my way there's a trick or treat route that houses can opt into and kids get a map for. If there's something like that near you, you could do that and meet with others beforehand. It's on our Facebook group.

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 11:27

I always took my DD trick or treating on her own.

If you live in an area h lots of kids it’s more fun because you see other kids dressed up too.

As my DD got older we’d see kids we recognised from playgroup/school and then if the parents were on their own I’d sometimes ask if they want to walk around together or they would sometimes ask me.

Then it progressed to chatting at the school gates about what time you’re going out and then it progressed into meeting up.

There are loads of fun activities for your kids ages with lots of games etc and so I’d go trick or treating for half an hour around my area and then go to one of those places that have the activities.

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 11:27

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 16/10/2023 11:26

Round my way there's a trick or treat route that houses can opt into and kids get a map for. If there's something like that near you, you could do that and meet with others beforehand. It's on our Facebook group.

I love that idea!!

eddiemairswife · 16/10/2023 11:28

I agree with Widow Twankey. What happened to Bonfire Night?

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 16/10/2023 11:29

widowtwankywashroom · 16/10/2023 11:21

I think trick or treating is bloody awful.
Knocking on doors asking for treats.
You wouldn't do it any other night of the year.

Well no, but typically you only knock on the doors of decorated houses/with pumpkins. The occupants are expecting visitors.

Original poster
ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 11:30

'widowtwankywashroom · Today 11:21
I think trick or treating is bloody awful.
Knocking on doors asking for treats.
You wouldn't do it any other night of the year.'

Should I tell ds he can't go?

OP posts:
Itchyitchyitchyyy · 16/10/2023 11:30

Total non issue I promise! I took my 4 year old DC alone last year he LOVED it! I didnt realise it was meant to be sad!!

He has plenty of friends at school but we'll still be going just the two of us this year as he sees his friends all week and spends his evenings and weekends with his parents like most kids! He can't wait, I really don't see the problem!

margotrose · 16/10/2023 11:31

widowtwankywashroom · 16/10/2023 11:21

I think trick or treating is bloody awful.
Knocking on doors asking for treats.
You wouldn't do it any other night of the year.

Oh, go and be miserable elsewhere. That's not what the thread is about.

Original poster
ApologiesandSanctomony · 16/10/2023 11:32

@JustWhatWeDontNeed yes exactly, and some ppl decorate their houses, especially get sweets in and are disappointed if nobody knocks! Not everyone hates it, and as you said, you only go to decorated houses.

OP posts:
fudvs · 16/10/2023 11:32

Is he in school or nursery? If so can you tag along with any of them.

If you can't you don't need to feel bad though, plenty of children go alone with a parent.

Pressthespacebar · 16/10/2023 11:33

Is there no way you can arrange to meet with another parent to go together with some other kids? It’s really not unusual to see kids on their own with a parent especially at that age. I have 8 kids so there’s always been a group of us and it’s lovely but honestly I get loads knocking just with their parent.

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 11:34

widowtwankywashroom · 16/10/2023 11:21

I think trick or treating is bloody awful.
Knocking on doors asking for treats.
You wouldn't do it any other night of the year.

I love when kids knock on my door for sweets!
Its one of the best days of the year and my DD loved having other kids knock on.

Fionaville · 16/10/2023 11:36

My eldest used to go trick or treating just him and DH. He absolutely loved it! He'd be delighted coming home and showing us his filled bucket. It's probably 50/50 the amount of kids on their own (with an adult in the background) next to groups.
Me and DH take the kids trick or treating now, as there's nobody to stay home with. Half the time our group gets bigger anyway, because they sort of merge when they are knocking at a door at the same time, so they end up together doing the whole street.

Needmorelego · 16/10/2023 11:39

@widowtwankywashroom errr..... people generally only do it once a year.....on Halloween. If you don't wish to participate that's fine. It's not compulsory.
@eddiemairswife Halloween and Bonfire Night (aka Guy Fawkes) are 2 completely different things. One doesn't out-do or replace the other.

kittensinthekitchen · 16/10/2023 11:39

widowtwankywashroom · 16/10/2023 11:21

I think trick or treating is bloody awful.
Knocking on doors asking for treats.
You wouldn't do it any other night of the year.

Don't participate then.

Honeybee798 · 16/10/2023 11:39

I don’t think it’s sad, I think it’s lovely that they both can express their wishes regarding such a lovely time of year for children. They are different people who want different things. We have loads of children who come trick or treating alone with just a parent. I prefer it as we can have a little chat about their costume vs a big group who grab sweets then go!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 16/10/2023 11:40

DS on his own may get more sweets than if he's in a group and it's lovely your DD has thought of a way to enjoy Halloween at home. Your family have found a good solution to enable both children to have fun in a way to suit them, perhaps you could swop parents half way and DD gets to ToT her dad as well. (If you think the sweet bowl outside might get emptied too quickly top it up throughout the evening.)

EeesandWhizz · 16/10/2023 11:48

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 16/10/2023 10:54

It is a bit sad if you don’t have any Mum friends with kids of similar ages. Most people have built these relationships at playgroups, childminders or nurseries by now but it’s not too late. Isn’t he at reception yet with a class WhatsApp group? In my area you get the odd single parent with a kid or two trick or treating but mostly it’s a few mums with a gang of kids who’ve probably got together over the kids. Ask the other parents wherever he mingles what they are up to that night, you’ll find others in a similar situation.

Shall I drive you to the OP's house and then you can kick her when she's down some more?

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 16/10/2023 11:51

widowtwankywashroom · 16/10/2023 11:21

I think trick or treating is bloody awful.
Knocking on doors asking for treats.
You wouldn't do it any other night of the year.

You wouldn't do it any other night of the year.

Which is a big part of the fun of it.